It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 December 21

 "I know it's not easy on the basic ingredients or recruiting. Too many of our young people are too fat or too dumb --not dumb, that's wrong. You know, we're just not educating them properly or they've got criminal records, or ADHD, or all these other things." - Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath 12-18-25

 

Happy Holidays friends! Let's dive in on the past week from Hell. On Monday the Puffed Cheeto posted that the murdered Rob Reiner was deranged and bad for America. And he signed another worthless Executive Order declaring fentanyl to be a weapon of mass destruction. Ducks can't row boats.

 

On Tuesday Susan Wiles, White House chief of staff, was reported in Vanity Fair as saying Mushroom Winkie told her he judged people by their genes and there is nothing he can't do. Also Smokey Eye Shady Vance is a conspiracy theorist and Elon Musk is a ketamine addict who would sleep in the daytime in a sleeping bag on the DOGE office floor. You know Barnabas Collins couldn't be exposed to sunlight either. Alcoholic rapist Petey Kegsbreath bragged to Congress that he had just blown up 3 more "drug boats" putting the death total over 90. He then ripped off his shirt and asked the females if they wanted some of him. I recommend Don Knotts "The Love God" as a must see film. Pammy Jo Bondi folded like a French prizefighter in a championship bout over the Epstein files. MAGA voted to end the tax subsidies for Obamacare and Moses Mike Johnson said it was God's will. 24 million Americans are only 7 percent of the population. Better luck in the next life! Lindsey Graham went on a screaming tirade on television and called Uncle Joe Biden a "dumbass" 3 times and said let's invade Valenzuela. 

On Wednesday former Special Prosecutor Jack Smith testified for 9 hours before the House Judiciary Committee chaired by the sniveling liar Jim Jordan. Of course it was behind closed doors because who wants the truth? The second in command at the joke called the FBI, Bongo Joe Dan Bongino, quit his job to go back to podcasting conspiracy theories and terrorizing his wife. Are those testicles or Grape Nuts? FCC Chairman Brandon Carr testified on the Hill and said they make decisions based on the requests of President Pervert Hoover. And once again Trumpty Dumpty said he would either run for president again or just crown himself king for life. "You better tell your mother that you're a real soul brother" - Graham Parker. 

 

Wednesday night was THE SPEECH by the Adderall jacked up adjudicated rapist. I personally took time out from the St Louis Blues hockey game to watch our fearless leader yell for 18 minutes. You've got it made and if you don't think so you are stupid."Some would say." "Most would agree." "Nobody can believe what's going on." "Transgender for all." Moses Mike Johnson dismissed Congress until the second week of 2026 so there goes healthcare! Take your Flintstone vitamins kids! Marjorie Traitor Greene is getting married to her pudgy white befriend who works for the fringe conservative cable channel RSBN. That means we are now taking bets on the adultery/divorce clock, and I set the initial line at 15 months. The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is now called the Trump Center and dissenting votes on the name change were not allowed. And flanked on both sides by doctors Orange Jesus fell asleep during another Oval Office press conference. 

 

On Friday the Jeffrey Epstein files were released and Lucy pulled the football again from Charlie Brown. There were over 70 thousand pages of documents and photos and fuck you. Here's less than an eighth of that and entire pages were blacked out. Thanks Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi! But there's a picture of Billy Clinton in a hot tub. That's what I was looking for. And in heartbreaking news our girl Elise "The Little Ball of Hate " Stephanik not only quit running for Governor of New York, but also said she was leaving Congress. Bye bye Johnny B Goode! We will miss her seething rage. 

 

On Saturday Cankles Caligula had a wet dream and the United States committed piracy and abducted another oil tanker in international waters. Petey says try and stop him and his Department of War. Today was a triple header of hypocrisy of lying on "Meet The Press. " First was the stink of Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche. The Department of Justice will only release Epstein files that don't mention Trump and it's to protect the innocent victims. Trump has nothing to hide except his hairline and his hands, which are now purple like a Minnesota Vikings jersey. It is all a Democratic hoax and Chuck Schumer is playing games. For God's sake Chuck can't even play Chutes and Ladders. Kristen Welker asked Todd if the Department of Justice are only investigating Democrats and he said we've captured more child sex traffickers in 10 months than Biden caught in 4 years. That didn't answer the question and Blanche continued to blow smoke up our asses the rest of the interview. Satan must pay good wages for a soul that says "Sure!" He went on to say Thomas Massie is an idiot for opposing Sausage Fingers and he used the phrase "patently absurd" 4 times. Yes, he moved pimp and rapist Ghislaine Maxwell to the country club prison in Texas because her life was in danger. You know any good women's prison movie has a riot scene. What utter 13 minutes of bullshit. Then it was the weasel Tim Kaine. The Democratic Senator from Virginia has a spine with an off and on switch. Remember he gave up on the government shutdown because people don't really need healthcare. He had government friends missing paychecks and that was an egregious sin. His idea of threatening Petey Kegsbreath is saying we will cut his travel budget by 25 percent. We should not go to war with Valenzuela. Let's impose sanctions and look at them evilly like Vengeance Queen Erika Kirk. Are those rings she's wearing or brass knuckles? The madder the Hulk gets, the stronger the Hulk gets. Think of my Sis Catt Booker. Thanks for the time. Timmy! Now go get stoned and watch NFL Sunday Ticket! 

Last and certainly least it was the King of Transparency Lindsey Graham. He was live from Tel Aviv! He's been doing bong hits with Bennie "Fuck You" Netanyahu. Graham wants War with Valenzuela for the oil, and he wants missiles for Ukraine to destroy Russia. Cue up 'Wargasm" by L7. When informed by Kristen that Erika Kirk has endorsed Smokey Eye Shady Vance as our next president Lindsey replied that even for a gay guy he thinks she's Kool Filter Kings smoking hot. The Oscar ceremonies are being moved to YouTube in 3 years, and Donnie announced the engagement of BJ Laura Loomer. She's going to marry the starting offensive line of the Miami Dolphins. They have no Muslims. "SpongeBob The Movie" premiered this weekend amidst critical buzz and the hint of Oscar nominations. Goldigger Karoline Leavitt had the most intriguing photo in the Vanity Fair article because it shows her lips are as fake as Demi Moore's face.

 

If I recall, you're the actor who took to the stage
Set the world ablaze
With your anger and your rage
And with every new leaf
You turned and wrote a new page
Cleverly concealing your real age 

~Thin Lizzy~ 

 

 

 

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 March 9

 "Cheap goods are not the essence of the American dream."  - Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent.

Congressman Tip O'Neil famously said back in the 1980s that all politics are local. In our day that has changed to all politics are loco. Last Monday the puffed Cheeto Trump said that Ukrainian President Zelenskyy should be more appreciative of America, that we get nothing from Ukraine, Europe should pay for the bulk of Ukraine's military expenses, the United States has been the laughing stock of the world in trade for the last 40 years, and Mexico and Canada cannot avoid tariffs. Waa! The diaper wearing maniac also said Ukraine would get no more weapons nor intelligence from the US. Putin snorted cocaine off the ass of a Moscow prostitute and laughed giddily.

Filthy wrestling promoter Vince McMahon's wife Linda was confirmed as Secretary of the Department of Education. Her first action was to issue a memo declaring they were on their "final mission" as she will dismantle the whole shebang.

Brookie Rollins, head of the USDA, said on Fox that all citizens should buy chickens if they were pissed about the price of eggs. Seriously. And she giggled.

Tuesday night saw a joint address to the Congress and Senate by the Dictator Tot. I wish I'd smoked a joint the size of a carrot as it went on for an hour and 45 minutes. Without going into every detail here are the highlights courtesy of the Lincoln Project: Biden, trans, woke, Musk, boo. He lied repeatedly about dead people receiving Social Security checks, the amount of money we've spent on Ukraine, and the millions we've spent on operations on transgender mice. That would be transgenic mice, Bobo. For mental health and cancer research. He used people for props to show what a wonderful man he is. Earlier in the day Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, who should just wear a cheerleader outfit with pom poms, said the fireman who died at the assassination attempt on Trump last fall would be there. That strikes me as gross. Trump told 85 lies. That comes out to a lie every 1.7 minutes. The failed attempt on his life proved he was The Chosen One by God to make America great again. That could result in more people becoming atheists. The Democratic response was from Senator Elissa Slotkin from Michigan. She was as compelling as an episode of "Wheel of Fortune." She told America that life blows right now but it will get better. Gosh! That's reassuring! Reaction the next day was as expected. Democrats said it was pathetic and Republicans said it was as monumental as the Sermon on the Mount. The bright spot of the evening was that Moses Mike Johnson's top aide Hayden Hayes got drunk after the speech and plowed into a parked car. "It pulled right out in front of me!" The power of Mickey's Big Mouths.

On Tuesday Trump announced tariffs on Mexico, Canada, and China. The stock market dropped 1400 points in two days and lost 3 trillion dollars. The Art of the Deal, Daddy-O! The MAGA House voted to censure Democratic Representative Al Green for interrupting titty baby Trump during his address. 10 Democrats joined in fearing retaliation from their base. It's okay for Brian Glenn's sex kitten Marjorie Traitor Greene to do it, but not some 77 year old black guy. Karoline Leavitt said there had never been a more disgusting action at an event ever. I think Karoline having sex with a guy 33 years older than herself is pretty low, but what do I know?

Alpha Male Trump signed another executive order declaring March to be Women's History Month and then went on to say he'd done more for women than any other person in America. Rape and sexual assault come to mind. He also changed his mind on the tariffs to Mexico and Canada but said they'd be reinstated on April 2nd. This domestic policy is referred to as the Duncan Yo Yo.

Shady Vance, tipsy Pete Hegseth, and Tulsi "Pepe Le" Gabbard held a press conference in El Paso, Texas. They discussed the great work they were doing at the border. And they also announced they were forming a three piece rock band named The Bag of Hammers. Hegseth has also removed 26,000 images of women, blacks, and other minorities from the official records of the military. It's all part of Trump's goal of an all white male fighting force. A tip o' the hood to the Ku Klux Klan! The bomber that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima in World War Two was named the Enola Gay. It's now erased from our official records because it's gay! True.

Idiotic Republican Senator John Kennedy, who talks in an exaggerated "Green Acres" Mr Haney style, displayed a wee bit of skepticism about Trump's tariffs while appearing on Fox. He said "Trust in God, but tie up your camel." Okay. Never trust a beautiful woman or a lonely midget. Statistics were released that show 50 percent of consumer spending in America is done by the upper 10 percent. I bought toilet paper last week to do my share. Also Trump announced he was deporting the 240,000 Ukrainian refugees living here. If he blew Putin any stronger you'd hear it in your living room.

Today on "Meet The Press" we had the joy of seeing Commerce Secretary and professional con artist Howard Lutnick. Every idea and policy that comes from him has one purpose: To make Trump more money. The tariffs against Canada are all about stopping the flow of fentanyl. Last year a total of 46 pounds was confiscated at our northern border. Don't laugh too hard. Outgoing Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is creating a mess and is "hard to listen to." Trump is "the greatest deal maker in the world!" What about inflation?"Drill baby drill!" There will be no recession and Trump is a winner! Leon Elon Musk is beloved by everyone in the cabinet, and Elon's favorite song is the Blue Oyster Cult's "Dominance and Submission." Howard is that guy who laughs at every joke the boss tells and anybody who doesn't share his opinion is stupid. Please hit me again because it feels so good when you stop.

Our second guest was the aforementioned Elissa Slotkin and she was just as boring as she was Tuesday night. To trim the budget we need to use a scalpel not a sledgehammer. That is becoming the cliche du jour. Nothing gets done in the Congress or Senate because the parties don't trust each other. To which the collective nation said "No shit?" When asked who was leading the Democratic Party she began dancing the Mashed Potato. It's the latest, it's the greatest. Would she have censured Congressman Green? Again no answer. Would she vote for the Republican budget? No answer number three. She did a great imitation of somebody who wasn't there. If this is the future of the Dems color it beige.

In entertainment news, "Wicked" was virtually shut out at the Oscars. It's just me but Ariana Grande's "am I here?" blank expression bugs the Fig Newtons out of me. And we are supposed to think this cat that stars in "Doctor Odyssey" is irresistibly sexy? What? Pete Davidson wasn't available?

Now available from Amazon the DVD boxed set of "Barnaby Jones the Complete Series Director's Cut." 

Aim for the country fair, you read it in the paper
The worst thing happens any week, a scandal on the front page
See the happy pair smiling close, like they are monkeys

They wouldn't think so but they're holding themselves down

I found that essence rare, it's what I looked for
I knew I'd get what I asked for

~ Gang of Four ~ 

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 December 22

  "I've had the smartest people on Wall Street call me and say where did you get that idea? It's like the paper clip. A guy invented it and people said 'wow.'"
Donnie Trump 12-17-24

A study has been released that says once every 18 hours in America someone gets shot in an act of road rage. Monday was the 75th birthdays of both the great Billy Gibbons and Don Johnson. And now for the rest of this week's shit.

Senile Donnie said he wanted to abolish the Federal Deposit Insurance Agency and the United States Postal Service. One Eyed Jack Kash Patel was revealed to have a non profit charity called the Kash Foundation that is supposed to combat those who defame Donnie. Turns out it's just a website selling MAGA hats and tee shirts and the proceeds go to Kash. Your FBI at work.

After being humiliated and shamed by his employer ABC's George Stephanopoulos deleted his X/Twitter account and hid under his bed. Roll over Walter Kronkite and tell David Brinkley the news. The odiforious Trump declared ABC was just the beginning of news organizations and individuals he's going to sue. And he declared " The US and China can solve all the problems in the world." That should be interesting. Turns out Donnie has 209 immigrants washing dishes, cooking, and cleaning rooms at Mar-A-Lago. President Elon Musk has over 2 thousand immigrants working at Tesla and SpaceX. I thought they were all disease carrying rapists, murderers, and terrorists?

On Tuesday New York judge Juan Merchan ruled that Trump is not covered by his presidential immunity clause for the 34 felony counts in the payoff of Stormy "36 DD-26-36, shoe size 7 1/2" Daniels. Are you telling me hush money being paid to a porn actress you had 4 seconds of sex with is not an official act of your office? This ruling set the crying titty baby into a shitstorm of tweets. Also the Newark New Jersey office of the FBI said people should not use guns and rifles to shoot at drones, airplanes, or constellations in the night sky.

Trump lied and said he won by getting 34 percent more of the youth vote. The Associated Press showed the real statistics of Kamala "Remember Me" Harris winning 51 percent of that demographic.

From her hospital bed in gay Paree 92 year old Nancy Pelosi strong-armed her Democratic colleagues to elect 74 year old Gerry Connolly as new ranking member of the House Oversight Committee. Turner has cancer of the esophagus. Pelosi intensely dislikes 35 year old Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who was also running for the seat. So much for revitalizing the party. 

In a meandering incoherent press conference at Mar-A-Lago Felonious Monk Trump said he'd be suing the Des Moines Register for publishing a poll that showed him losing by three points to Kamala 2 weeks before the election. "Not that I want to, but I have an obligation to." 

President Musk's mother Maye appeared on Fox "News" and said poor people need to have babies whether they can afford them or not. "You don't have to go to the movies. You don't have to go out to dinner." 

On Wednesday the walking liver spot Steve Bannon said MSNBC host Rachel Maddow should be put in prison. NJ Republican Congressman and MAGA nutjob Doug Mastriano posted a photo of a drone on a trailer being pulled by a pickup "to an undisclosed location." Ah ha! Here's the proof the government's lying! Less than 15 minutes later it was proven to be a replica of a Star Wars Millennium Falcon being hauled to a comics convention. Also Donnie nominated former NFL running back Herscel Walker to be the Ambassador to the Bahamas. 2 years ago when Walker was running for the United States senate for Georgia he said in a campaign speech "Did you know werewolves can kill vampires?" And the Hulk can kick the Sub-Mariner's ass. Revengeful former Congressman Kevin McCarthy pulled some strings and in a secret ballot got the House ethics committee to vote to release the full report on Max Headroom Matt Gaetz. Moses Mike Johnson tried to bury it last month but nay nay. Here are the things that will make it a must read: Sex trafficking of minors, bribery charges, cash payouts, and drug fueled orgies. Hubba hubba Bubba! 

The 15 year old girl in Wisconsin who shot up and killed students at her religious high school was said to be a transgender maniac on the MAGA internet. 2 hours later it was discovered she was not that, but instead a far right transphobic white Christian Nationalist with ties to a 22 year old man in California who was detailing plans to wire himself up to be a human bomb. Death or glory is just another story! 

Full diapers Trump declared that former Congresswoman Liz Cheney is in lot of trouble after a sham report was released by quack Congressman Barry Loudermilk. The report accuses Cheney of witness tampering of Stacey Hutchinson before the January 6th committee and plotting to frame Trump. One, most people are consulted before they testify and two, the day before the insurrection Loudermilk was giving tours of the Capitol to white men taking photos of the stairways and exits. Fee fi foe fat, I think I smell a rat. 

And in a shameless act of celebrity butt kissing the Navy awarded Tom Cruise the Distinguished Public Service Award. They said his two Top Gun movies have inspired American soldiers all over the world. I think I need some air. 

On Thursday America's Tantric Sex Swinger Marjorie Traitor Greene declared we must not let the assassination of the United Health Care CEO lead us to something as evil as Single Payer Health Care or Medicare for All. It was also the tenth day in a row stocks tanked on Wall Street after the felon in chief Trump rang the opening bell. Atlanta District Attorney Fani Willis was kicked off the RICO case of election interference against Trumpty Dumpty. The appellate judges were, guess, appointed by Republican governors. Hit my head and call me Shorty. I didn't see that coming.This doesn't kill the case, but it does add more months to it. 

The continuing resolution to fund the government reached it's 48 hour deadline and President Musk declared that the government should be shut down and no action be taken until January 20th when the puppet takes the oath. While the battle continued for 2 days photos surfaced of Fat Nixon autographing made in China MAGA hats and playing golf at Mar-A-Lago. And in his annual statement to the world the real boss Vladimir Putin said he wished he had invaded Ukraine earlier than he did. Funny how that 3 day war has turned into 3 years, much to the anger of fascists like Sex Kitten Greene, the obnoxious Josh "Masculine Man running in fear" Hawley, and Shay D Vance. 

Friday Trump decided the House and Senate should eliminate the federal debt ceiling on Uncle Joe Biden's term as part of the budget deal. This would allow Trump to gut Social Security and Medicare to pay for his tax cut for the upper one percent in America. The Republican Alabama Senator who lives in Florida, former college football coach Tommy Tuberville, said on Steve Bannon's podcast that food stamps needed to be eliminated and people "should get back to work!" Did you know that the two largest American businesses that have employees on food stamps are Walmart and McDonald's? And showing his disapproval of an increase in Social Security benefits North Carolina Republican Senator Thom Tillis threw a screaming fit on the Senate floor. Willis, by the way, has a net worth of over 12 million dollars. The budget was passed Friday evening despite President Musk saying he would primary any member of the GOP who voted for it. 170 of them did. Their days are numbered. Trump did not get his debt ceiling removed, and Musk didn't get his exemption for tax and trade restrictions with China. But after a cole slaw and fish stick dinner with Steve Bezos and President Musk at Mar-A-Lago Trump posted on Truth Social "EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!" Well except Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell who said there would be no more reductions in the interest rate because inflation could go as high a 9 percent after the Mad Shitter's tariffs go into effect. 

On Saturday Immigration Czar and thug Tom Homan told Fox "News" it will cost 86 billion dollars to deport all black and brown skinned people. But fear not because white nationalist and Trump advisor Steven Miller said we would get it all back as it will free up our "churches, funerals, and hospitals." I have no clue what that even means. 

Today's "Meet the Press" was a Special Edition entitled "Finding Common Ground." The guests were Democratic Senator from Georgia Raphael Warnock and Republican Senator from Oklahoma James Lankford. They are both Baptist ministers. Lankford was the sponsor last summer of the immigration reform bill that Trump told his whipped Senators to kill because it took away his number one campaign issue. In my thirty plus years of watching "Meet The Press" I have never seen a more flatulous episode. Kumbaya. Leslie Gore singing "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows." We should all try to get along! We should listen to the people. Politics are not God. Faith can bridge the divide. Lankford said his faith effects the way he drives his car. Warnock says faith can bring families together. Lankford used the word "snarky." Warnock said his favorite Christmas song was "Oh Holy Night." My favorite Christmas song is Elvis Presley's "Santa Bring My Baby Back To Me." Kristen Welker wore red and black in honor of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. 

In sports news the annual Pop Tarts Bowl game is December 28 with the Iowa State Cyclones versus the Miami Hurricane. March 20th of next year sees the third season on Fox of "Farmer Wants a Wife: Revenge of the Sheep." 

The percentage you're paying is too high priced
while you're living beyond all your means.
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car

from the profit he's made on your dreams. 

~ Traffic ~