"I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would. Because you're horrible people. I'm not a rapist! I didn't rape anybody!" - Donald F Trump 4-26-26
"Every time you see her she's with a different guy." - Charles F Berry
Here we go kittens and cats.
On Monday America's revealed paid escort Melania Trump and Goldigger Sweet Karoline Leavitt both demanded the execution of Jimmy Kimmel. He told jokes about them and now he's marked for death. The King and Queen of England showed up at the gold plated White House and Melania had to stop having sex with the pool boy. Rapey McFraud posted a photo of himself and King Charles and said "Two Kings." And I fight crime at night in a skin tight costume.
Last Wednesday the scumbags Petey Kegsbreath and Raisin Bran Caine testified before Congress and told both Democrats and Republicans to go pound sand. The Supreme Court ruled that only straight white males could vote in elections and the adjudicated rapist told America he was smart, athletic, and resourceful enough to be an astronaut. And my winkie is as large as a Johnsonville bratwurst.
On Thursday Amazon Prime announced it was coming out with a new "Apprentice " series starring coke-head Donnie Jr. I quiver in orgasmic anticipation. It was also National Honesty Day and I declared I was a dipshit. Don't cross Marjorie Traitor Greene because Hell hath no fury like a spurned bleach blonde, bad built, butch body who is now out to tell the kids Two Scoops Donnie is a bad person. Trump's nominee for Surgeon General is another Fox TV host who's blonde and looks killer in her nude photos. Of course!
On Friday there were also around 3 thousand May Day protests across our nation and $Kash Patel found out that his bought and paid for girlfriend was grinding somebody else. What becomes of the brokenhearted? And more evidence was revealed that America's First Whore and Third Wife Melania was an "escort " before she gave Donnie a rim job. Luke Combs made Time magazine's most influential people in the world list because Vanilla ICE was busy. Duran Duran appeared on Jimmy Kimmel and what rhymes with suck. Remind me to wear a leisure suit and spike my hair the next time I go to the Quickie Mart.
After a full night of playoff hockey it was time for "Meet the Press." Kristen Welker was dressed in all blue and 86 47 is a death threat to the Pedophile in Chief and former FBI director James Comey is guilty as sin. That's the gospel according to MAGA sperm gargler Todd Blanche. According to our acting Attorney General the War Powers Act is unconstitutional and fuck you. He then said Depends Donnie is Jesus and Adam Schiff is a lying bitch. Federal judges are stupid and Joe Biden is Satan. Damn, I didn't know that. Where have I been? Then Blanche said we have to show IDs at restaurants. I went to Casper's chili parlor and no one asked me for one. I'd better call the Human Thumb Tom Homan and alert him. The Supreme Court could care less about public opinion and Judge Box of Wine Jeanine Pirro is on the case, so sleep tight. And then Blanche told America we must love Donnie Trump.
Next was the corporate funded smarmy slapdick Democratic Senator from California Adam Schiff. He wears a smirk like I wear small underwear. He praised Republican Senator Susan Collins and told us that late at night he looks in the mirror and combs his 7 follicles of hair. Shifty used the term "windfall profits" 4 times in 8 minutes. Adam Schiff is why I now register as a f me running independent voter. Both parties blow dead frogs. And I still vote in every election. Call me an idiot. Yeah!
My pick in the Kentucky Derby Further Adu didn't win the race and I lost 3 bags of bite size Chick O Stix.
"Farmer Needs a Wife" continues Tuesday and the Eagles continue their 5 year Final Tour.
The chairman of this boardroom is a compliment collector.
I'd rather be his funeral director.
~ Elvis Costello ~