3.24.2024

It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 March 24

 

Tick, tick, tick, boom. Tomorrow Your Favorite President Donnie "Somebody Loan Me a Dime" Trump has to pony up a half a billion greenback dollars to appeal his business fraud case in the state of New York. Otherwise the state has the legal right to seize his properties and cases of spray on facial bronzers. Will his criminal son in law Jared Kushner slip him a briefcase of Saudi Arabian money, or will his best friend Vladimir Putin pony up the rubles for "future considerations?" Tune in tomorrow. Same Trump time. Same Trump channel. 

Last Tuesday Venus in Furs Marjorie Traitor Greene had her long awaited conference on baby organ harvesting. Unfortunately it was a donate to her campaign event available only online. I needed my spare change to buy a Payday bar, so I missed it. And so did the rest of the civilized world. Also on Tuesday the penniless rapist Donnie Trump said that if elected he would imprison Liz Cheney and all of the other members of the January 6th committee. Trump advisor Jason Miller stated that any bloodbath comments attributed to Donnie should not be taken out of context. This from a man who had one child out of wedlock and refuses to pay child support, and then knocked up another and slipped an abortion pill into her cocktail. True. Look it up. Now these are the strapping man jacks of the Republican Party 2024.

Tuesday also saw the Supreme Court rule 6-3 that the cruel Governor of Texas Greg Abbott had every right to send out local police officers to arrest, pistol whip, and deport any human suspected of being an illegal alien. But before Kato could warm up the Black Beauty a Texas appeals court put the kibosh on that and ordered a stay on that order. As of yet nothing has been done. 

Wednesday saw the latest installment of the impeachment inquiry going nowhere fast against Motorhead Joe Biden. The Republican's star witness was, get ready for this, Tony Bubolinski. What a great mobster name! He began his testimony by calling all Democrats lying sons of bitchs. He said he personally saw Joe Biden make deals and break the law. When reminded that he did not meet Joe until 2017, when Mango Mussolini was President, he said kiss off. When asked by Squad leader Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez what specific law Joe broke he told her it was over her head. Okay. 

Another scofflaw, Lev Parnas testified that he was paid money by America's Defendant Rudy "Can't Fail" Guilliani via Diaper Donnie to find dirt on Joe and to feed Republicans Russian propaganda. That didn't make James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer happy. 

The Baby Faced Assassin Kyle Rittenhouse was booed and escorted off the stage at a Turning Point USA rally at the University of Memphis last week. The 21 year old loser was there to discuss the lies of the Black Lives Matter movement. In lieu of having a speech prepared, he opted for a Q and A session. Upon hearing the first question about how his organization calls Martin Luther King Jr. a criminal he answered "I didn't come here to talk about that." Exit stage right. Thank God he didn't have his trusty AR-15 by his side or it might have been another episode of "Have Gun Will Travel." 

The House and Senate finally passed the 2024 budget so the utilities will work until September. But Hell hath no fury like fascist Barbie. Immediately Marjorie Traitor Greene filed a motion to shitcan Moses Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House. She craves attention like Kim Kardashian and she got it. But she wants him to twist in the wind so she won't bring it up for resolution yet. ("You are Miss Wonderful. Your eyes they shine. You are devine." - The Saints) 

This week's broadcast of "Meet The Press" was interrupted 3 times by technical problems. No sound, no picture, the picture came back and it was in slow motion like you were watching a NFL highlight reel aye yi yi. It didn't really matter because this was an hour of unanswered questions, hot air, and lies spun out of gossamer webs that were worthy of Bill Clinton. 

Ronna Romney McDaniel was first. Donnie Trump via his daughter in law Lara had Ronna bounced like a Russell Wilson 30 yard pass as RNC chair. Then Ronna was immediately hired by NBC News. Spray the room with Febreze and get ready for the flatulence. Was she given the heave ho by Trump? Yup. The Republicans had debates and the Democrats didn't. But Trump never took part in any of them. Ronna said that didn't matter. January 6th insurrectionists should not be pardoned, but Trump didn't start the fire. Any lies she told about the election loss to Biden were not lies. She was just doing her job. And come November you could even vote for a convicted rapist because Motorhead Joe is putting us on the highway to Hell. I am glad she found work because I would hate to have her as my Walmart greeter.

Batting second in today's lineup was retired Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, he of the famous ice cream company. He has a book out. He wants you to buy it. He did not answer a single question about court rulings and upcoming cases. No no Nanette! He's not one to kiss and tell. He retired after 28 years on the high court and now all he wants to do is shake his head and throw his hands into the air. You know if I had been the quarterback we would have won the game. Thank you for your hindsight. 

The aforementioned Lara Trump announced last week that all money donated to the Republican National Committee will go to pay the Orange Jesus's legal bills. And in a joint statement by the National Institute of Health and the Center for Disease Control last week it was strongly warned for citizens to avoid visiting the Oak Street Health Centers. According to television commercials these facilities are being invaded by flamboyant patients and nurses who dance, roll on stools with wheels, and slam coffee laced with Early Times. Your chances of being trampled underfoot by a gaggle of line dancing hopheads are too risky. 
 
We make the standards and we make the rules
And if you don't abide by them you must be a fool
We have the power to control the whole land
You must never question our motives or plans
Standards rule, okay?
~The Jam~