"We will bomb them back to the Stone Ages!" - Donald F
Trump 4-1-26
"When you're doing all right your friends are jealous of
you" - Jimmy Reed
Last Tuesday Taco Tits Trump's ballroom was canceled
by a federal judge because it wasn't approved by Congress. Our spray
tanned leader shit his Depends. Again. Smokey Eye Shady Vance announced
he has a new book coming out in June and no one gives a flying fart. The
title is "Is Your Couch In The Mood." Mushroom Winkie signed an
Executive Order outlawing mail in voting. That means he and Former
Lesbian Porn Model Melania can no longer cast their ballots. Damn.
On
Wednesday Orange Jesus told Poland to give him back the Patriot missiles
they bought bought from us because he wants to give them to Bennie
Netanyahu. Poland responded with "Sorry, pedophile." E Jean Carroll has
not received a dime of the 95 million dollars Cankles Caligula owes her
for rape and defamation, but he had time to go to the Supreme Court. He
is not only the first president to attend a court hearing, with the
Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi, but also the first convicted felon, rapist,
and congenital liar to be allowed into the room. Pammy was fired by the minuscule penis in the car on the way there. Pammy still calls him sir.
Another slapdick from Missouri John Sauer argued the case to deport
every child born in America who doesn't look like Sally D'Angelo and his
voice makes RFK Jr sound like Al Green.
Poopy Pants then got a knob
shine by his Sears Kenmore vacuum cleaner and gave a 19 minute "major
address" at 8 pm CDT. It was past his bedtime. It was another greatest
hits melody and you learned nothing except that when you go out in
public make sure your hair looks good. Trumpty Dumpty told us again that
he was brilliant and every woman wants to hear him snore in bed. Oil
prices surged up and all stock markets crashed. "Deranged savages."
That's the name of our new band. Unlike Moses Mike Johnson and the
Swinging Dicks.
KKK Karoline Leavitt had her picture removed from the
public because it showed her double chin. A word to the hip:Don't marry a
man who's 40 years older than you. Pammy Jo Bondi has now been banished
to Hell and will never have another job. She sold her integrity for
power and now she has neither.
C'est la vie say the old folks. Mustard
Face declared Medicare and Medicaid funding will be slashed because
"We're fighting a war!" Who started it? Not you. Go fucking figure.
Since Friday the father of the surgically reconstructed Ivanka shut down
the White House which means only Domino's can deliver thick crust
pepperoni and sausage pizzas. He eats them in bed. With no napkins.
Tiger Woods is going overseas to beat his drug addiction. I beat mine by
losing my source. I didn't go to Istanbul.
This morning it was time for
coffee, bourbon, and "Meet the Press." Kristen Welker was dressed in
pink and white. Sonny Crockett would be proud. And man oh man those
shoulder pads!
First was the worthless tit Tim Kaine. Do you want a
Natural Light or a beer? Timmy is as lame as my back. It was 12 minutes
of my life I won't get back and I'd rather watch a rerun of "F Troop."
Next was the imitation human Mike Lawler, Republican Congressman from
New York. He's not related to the professional wrestler Brawler Lawler
from the 1970s. He yelled at Kristen and told us Democrats are Satanic.
Wow. Nice beard Pony Boy! Finally it was the sham liberal Ro Khanna. He
has big money from AIPAC and Peter Thiel. Hey, if I had a Sugar Mama I'd
bark like a dog too. Punch the monkey now has a girlfriend and they are
doing the hokey pokey. ICE Barbie Kristi Noem's husband is now involved
in Boobgate, and The Bitch Megyn Kelly said that's why Kristi is riding
Corey Lewandowski like a show pony.
Trump described the war as "Our
little journey." The last time I took a journey I was trying to find
underwear at the JC Penny's.
Musical question of the week: Who sucks
more? Steve Miller or Barry Manilow?
Respond in the comments.
When my picture's in a frame, in the Fool's Hall of Fame
There'll be no one you can blame but me
There'll be no one you can blame but me
~Foghat~