"We're not gonna destroy the value of their house so somebody
that didn't work very hard can buy a home."
Donald F Trump 1-29-26
that didn't work very hard can buy a home."
Donald F Trump 1-29-26
"Young girls at market, they don't take chances. Talk to the rich men. Who never answer." - The Bizarros
Last Monday the week began with the local morning variety television
show having an appearance by "Gift Guru" Lash Fary. When I embark on my
pornographic acting career my screen name will be Lash Fary. Moses Mike
Johnson sent Congress home in recess to avoid voting on the DHS budget.
Johnson then went back to his other job, baking cookies in a tree with
his fellow Keebler elves. Orange Jesus sent Handsome Tom Homan to
Minneapolis to oversee the future ICE murders, and reassigned 4 foot 5
inch Greg Bovino to the California/Mexico border where his title will be
Nazi At Large. When Handsome Tom speaks you think of 3 things. 1) he's
drunk on his ass 2) he has too many teeth or 3) he doesn't have enough
teeth. Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi decided to extort Minnesota by promising
to withdrawal the Border Patrol and ICE thugs if they turned over all
their voter rolls. It's easier to strip minorities and women of their
rights that way! It seems the killers of Alex Pretti had body cameras
and are seen applauding themselves after the killing. DHS Secretary
Kristi Noem and Corey "The Cock" Lewandowski took time out from having
illicit sex to meet with adjudicated rapist Donnie Trump for 2 hours at
the White House. Nosferatu Stephen Miller was deemed not stable enough
to attend.
On Tuesday the death dwarf Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott said ICE might be pushing things too far. Abbott put razor wire around the buoys in the water at the Mexican border so I trust his sense of decency and temperament. DHS put 200 people behind bars in Maine and the feckless Democrat Hakeem Jeffries said ICE Barbie Kristi Noem must either be impeached or fired. Hakeem is as tough as Chuck Schumer. Both could give Don Knotts a run for the title of Billy Big Shot. Trump went to Iowa and announced the economy is totally great and UPS fired 50,000 workers. Reduction of the many from the one. A patriotic American attacked Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar with a syringe and she came back with a right cross. Pervert Hoover said she staged it.
On Wednesday Lovedoll Noem said any cruel actions by ICE are under the orders of Cankles and Nosferatu. Bitch Megyn Kelly said on her televised podcast that Alex Pretti deserved to be murdered. FBI Director $Kash Patel's right eye looked at his left eye and his FBI raided the election offices in Fulton County, Georgia. They stole all of the ballots from the 2020 presidential election because you just know Trump really won. The Federal Reserve didn't lower interest rates and Vagina Neck declared Chairman Jerome Powell is now marked for death. (Steven Segal's greatest film)
On Thursday the "Queen of Rap" Nikki Minaj appeared at the White House and got a fake immigration gold card. She wore a white fur coat and she is now the size of Montana. New video of Alex Pretti was released from 2 weeks ago that shows him kicking in the taillight of an ICE SUV. That obviously shows he was a violent threat to America and is better off dead. Ask Megyn Kelly. ICE did retreat from Maine because Republican Senator Susan Collins said they were hurting her reelection chances. Life is all about priorities. Pretend Secretary of State Miniscule Marco Rubio appeared before a Senate committee, popped pills, and drank bottled water like it was Colt 45 Malt Liquor. Podcaster Don Lemon was arrested by masked ICE agents in the middle of the night for filming a protest at a church led by a minister who works for ICE. 3 other reporters were also arrested overnight for the same offense and surprisingly all were black. But Don's an obvious target because he's black and gay. Red meat for MAGA!
Your Favorite President Donnie told reporters that if Canada strikes a trade deal with China the Communist nation will conquer them and outlaw ice hockey. I shit you not, he actually said that. Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi released a video bragging about Don Lemon being arrested and you are next. Kiss the whip. Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche released less than half of the remaining Jeffrey Epstein files and said that's it. No men will be exposed or charged, but here's victims names and pictures. But we did find out that Diaper Donnie violated 13 year olds, and that Elon Musk sent messages wanting to party on Rape Island, and Secretary of Commerce Howard "Nutlick" Lutnick took his entire family there. This contradicts his earlier statement that he had only met Epstein once and found him "creepy." In layman's terms, Lutnick is a lying sack of shit. That's why he's a perfect fit for Trump's cabinet. Kevin Warsh is going to be Sausage Finger's nominee to chair the Federal Reserve and he's in the Epstein files, too. But he worked for George W Bush and his father is up to his neck in illegal foreign business deals. Remember, the Dictatortot only picks on merit. See Petey Kegsbreath. And in tv highlights Senator Lindsey Graham got drunk and appeared on Jesse Watters' Fox show. He looked like hammered dung and vowed to destroy "thanksuary thitties!" 20 million Americans have lost their health care, be we will pay to have an Indy Car race through the streets of Washington DC. Again, I didn't make that up.
The government is now in a shutdown again so what better time for today's "Meet the Press." The show began with the Speaker of the House Moses Mike Johnson. It's time for Moses Mike Johnson stories. God told him he was Moses. He lives in a house in DC with a Baptist minister who answers the door in his underwear. He took his 13 year old daughter to a Purity Ball, gave her a ring, and she pledged to remain a virgin until marriage. He shares a website with one of his teenage sons called Covenant Eyes and they monitor each other's porn viewing. Again, all of these are documented facts. Here we go! Democrats are liars. Democratic governors and mayors advocate resistance and violence. ICE agents must wear masks because their lives and families are in danger. Democrats have put bounties on their heads. Bounty hunters? Josh Randall on "Wanted Dead or Alive?" He's a Man of God but he totally supports the adulterer Kristi Noem. Marjorie Traitor Greene says Moses is Trump's bitch, but Johnson smirked and said she's a fool. I want to hear that song by Leslie Gore now! More than once he prefaced a statement by saying "everybody knows." Moses always reminds us he's a constitutional lawyer. I remind you I've watched 9 seasons of "Perry Mason " so I'm a lawyer too! He told Kristen Welker she only has opinions. He has the word of God. Touch not the anointed one, okay pal?
The next turgid guest was California Democratic Congressman Ro Khanna. The latest financial information one can find on Ro is from 2017. 71.5 million dollars in his piggy bank. Obviously he speaks for us. Should we impeach Pammy Jo Bondi or just have her get stood up again at her fourth wedding? I'm calling that a pick 'em. He will vote no on additional ICE funding, which currently is the largest funded law organization in the USA. And if we did bounce Kristi Noem we shouldn't worry. Her blimp sized lips will work as an air bag. He's another reason I have no political party.
In entertainment news "Melania " premiered this week and it's being ignored around the world. It cost 75 million and Melania pocketed 28 million of that. How many diamonds can you put on a dildo? It depends on the size, of course.
Ken Burns did announce today his next project will be a 12 hour documentary on the life and career of the legendary entertainer Shecky Greene. The Winter Olympics will preempt "Meet The Press " for the next 3 weeks, but fear not citizens. To quote the immortal Little Richard:" The beauty is on duty." I'll still post the dispatch every Sunday. Thank you and I'm sorry.
On Tuesday the death dwarf Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott said ICE might be pushing things too far. Abbott put razor wire around the buoys in the water at the Mexican border so I trust his sense of decency and temperament. DHS put 200 people behind bars in Maine and the feckless Democrat Hakeem Jeffries said ICE Barbie Kristi Noem must either be impeached or fired. Hakeem is as tough as Chuck Schumer. Both could give Don Knotts a run for the title of Billy Big Shot. Trump went to Iowa and announced the economy is totally great and UPS fired 50,000 workers. Reduction of the many from the one. A patriotic American attacked Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar with a syringe and she came back with a right cross. Pervert Hoover said she staged it.
On Wednesday Lovedoll Noem said any cruel actions by ICE are under the orders of Cankles and Nosferatu. Bitch Megyn Kelly said on her televised podcast that Alex Pretti deserved to be murdered. FBI Director $Kash Patel's right eye looked at his left eye and his FBI raided the election offices in Fulton County, Georgia. They stole all of the ballots from the 2020 presidential election because you just know Trump really won. The Federal Reserve didn't lower interest rates and Vagina Neck declared Chairman Jerome Powell is now marked for death. (Steven Segal's greatest film)
On Thursday the "Queen of Rap" Nikki Minaj appeared at the White House and got a fake immigration gold card. She wore a white fur coat and she is now the size of Montana. New video of Alex Pretti was released from 2 weeks ago that shows him kicking in the taillight of an ICE SUV. That obviously shows he was a violent threat to America and is better off dead. Ask Megyn Kelly. ICE did retreat from Maine because Republican Senator Susan Collins said they were hurting her reelection chances. Life is all about priorities. Pretend Secretary of State Miniscule Marco Rubio appeared before a Senate committee, popped pills, and drank bottled water like it was Colt 45 Malt Liquor. Podcaster Don Lemon was arrested by masked ICE agents in the middle of the night for filming a protest at a church led by a minister who works for ICE. 3 other reporters were also arrested overnight for the same offense and surprisingly all were black. But Don's an obvious target because he's black and gay. Red meat for MAGA!
Your Favorite President Donnie told reporters that if Canada strikes a trade deal with China the Communist nation will conquer them and outlaw ice hockey. I shit you not, he actually said that. Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi released a video bragging about Don Lemon being arrested and you are next. Kiss the whip. Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche released less than half of the remaining Jeffrey Epstein files and said that's it. No men will be exposed or charged, but here's victims names and pictures. But we did find out that Diaper Donnie violated 13 year olds, and that Elon Musk sent messages wanting to party on Rape Island, and Secretary of Commerce Howard "Nutlick" Lutnick took his entire family there. This contradicts his earlier statement that he had only met Epstein once and found him "creepy." In layman's terms, Lutnick is a lying sack of shit. That's why he's a perfect fit for Trump's cabinet. Kevin Warsh is going to be Sausage Finger's nominee to chair the Federal Reserve and he's in the Epstein files, too. But he worked for George W Bush and his father is up to his neck in illegal foreign business deals. Remember, the Dictatortot only picks on merit. See Petey Kegsbreath. And in tv highlights Senator Lindsey Graham got drunk and appeared on Jesse Watters' Fox show. He looked like hammered dung and vowed to destroy "thanksuary thitties!" 20 million Americans have lost their health care, be we will pay to have an Indy Car race through the streets of Washington DC. Again, I didn't make that up.
The government is now in a shutdown again so what better time for today's "Meet the Press." The show began with the Speaker of the House Moses Mike Johnson. It's time for Moses Mike Johnson stories. God told him he was Moses. He lives in a house in DC with a Baptist minister who answers the door in his underwear. He took his 13 year old daughter to a Purity Ball, gave her a ring, and she pledged to remain a virgin until marriage. He shares a website with one of his teenage sons called Covenant Eyes and they monitor each other's porn viewing. Again, all of these are documented facts. Here we go! Democrats are liars. Democratic governors and mayors advocate resistance and violence. ICE agents must wear masks because their lives and families are in danger. Democrats have put bounties on their heads. Bounty hunters? Josh Randall on "Wanted Dead or Alive?" He's a Man of God but he totally supports the adulterer Kristi Noem. Marjorie Traitor Greene says Moses is Trump's bitch, but Johnson smirked and said she's a fool. I want to hear that song by Leslie Gore now! More than once he prefaced a statement by saying "everybody knows." Moses always reminds us he's a constitutional lawyer. I remind you I've watched 9 seasons of "Perry Mason " so I'm a lawyer too! He told Kristen Welker she only has opinions. He has the word of God. Touch not the anointed one, okay pal?
The next turgid guest was California Democratic Congressman Ro Khanna. The latest financial information one can find on Ro is from 2017. 71.5 million dollars in his piggy bank. Obviously he speaks for us. Should we impeach Pammy Jo Bondi or just have her get stood up again at her fourth wedding? I'm calling that a pick 'em. He will vote no on additional ICE funding, which currently is the largest funded law organization in the USA. And if we did bounce Kristi Noem we shouldn't worry. Her blimp sized lips will work as an air bag. He's another reason I have no political party.
In entertainment news "Melania " premiered this week and it's being ignored around the world. It cost 75 million and Melania pocketed 28 million of that. How many diamonds can you put on a dildo? It depends on the size, of course.
Ken Burns did announce today his next project will be a 12 hour documentary on the life and career of the legendary entertainer Shecky Greene. The Winter Olympics will preempt "Meet The Press " for the next 3 weeks, but fear not citizens. To quote the immortal Little Richard:" The beauty is on duty." I'll still post the dispatch every Sunday. Thank you and I'm sorry.
By Silverfish Imperatrix, whose incorrupted eye
Sees through the charms of doctors and their wives
By Salamander Drake and the power that was undine
Rise to claim Saturn, ring an' sky
By those who see with their eyes closed
You'll know me by my black telescope
~ Blue Öyster Cult ~
Sees through the charms of doctors and their wives
By Salamander Drake and the power that was undine
Rise to claim Saturn, ring an' sky
By those who see with their eyes closed
You'll know me by my black telescope
~ Blue Öyster Cult ~