It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 December 21

 "I know it's not easy on the basic ingredients or recruiting. Too many of our young people are too fat or too dumb --not dumb, that's wrong. You know, we're just not educating them properly or they've got criminal records, or ADHD, or all these other things." - Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath 12-18-25

 

Happy Holidays friends! Let's dive in on the past week from Hell. On Monday the Puffed Cheeto posted that the murdered Rob Reiner was deranged and bad for America. And he signed another worthless Executive Order declaring fentanyl to be a weapon of mass destruction. Ducks can't row boats.

 

On Tuesday Susan Wiles, White House chief of staff, was reported in Vanity Fair as saying Mushroom Winkie told her he judged people by their genes and there is nothing he can't do. Also Smokey Eye Shady Vance is a conspiracy theorist and Elon Musk is a ketamine addict who would sleep in the daytime in a sleeping bag on the DOGE office floor. You know Barnabas Collins couldn't be exposed to sunlight either. Alcoholic rapist Petey Kegsbreath bragged to Congress that he had just blown up 3 more "drug boats" putting the death total over 90. He then ripped off his shirt and asked the females if they wanted some of him. I recommend Don Knotts "The Love God" as a must see film. Pammy Jo Bondi folded like a French prizefighter in a championship bout over the Epstein files. MAGA voted to end the tax subsidies for Obamacare and Moses Mike Johnson said it was God's will. 24 million Americans are only 7 percent of the population. Better luck in the next life! Lindsey Graham went on a screaming tirade on television and called Uncle Joe Biden a "dumbass" 3 times and said let's invade Valenzuela. 

On Wednesday former Special Prosecutor Jack Smith testified for 9 hours before the House Judiciary Committee chaired by the sniveling liar Jim Jordan. Of course it was behind closed doors because who wants the truth? The second in command at the joke called the FBI, Bongo Joe Dan Bongino, quit his job to go back to podcasting conspiracy theories and terrorizing his wife. Are those testicles or Grape Nuts? FCC Chairman Brandon Carr testified on the Hill and said they make decisions based on the requests of President Pervert Hoover. And once again Trumpty Dumpty said he would either run for president again or just crown himself king for life. "You better tell your mother that you're a real soul brother" - Graham Parker. 

 

Wednesday night was THE SPEECH by the Adderall jacked up adjudicated rapist. I personally took time out from the St Louis Blues hockey game to watch our fearless leader yell for 18 minutes. You've got it made and if you don't think so you are stupid."Some would say." "Most would agree." "Nobody can believe what's going on." "Transgender for all." Moses Mike Johnson dismissed Congress until the second week of 2026 so there goes healthcare! Take your Flintstone vitamins kids! Marjorie Traitor Greene is getting married to her pudgy white befriend who works for the fringe conservative cable channel RSBN. That means we are now taking bets on the adultery/divorce clock, and I set the initial line at 15 months. The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is now called the Trump Center and dissenting votes on the name change were not allowed. And flanked on both sides by doctors Orange Jesus fell asleep during another Oval Office press conference. 

 

On Friday the Jeffrey Epstein files were released and Lucy pulled the football again from Charlie Brown. There were over 70 thousand pages of documents and photos and fuck you. Here's less than an eighth of that and entire pages were blacked out. Thanks Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi! But there's a picture of Billy Clinton in a hot tub. That's what I was looking for. And in heartbreaking news our girl Elise "The Little Ball of Hate " Stephanik not only quit running for Governor of New York, but also said she was leaving Congress. Bye bye Johnny B Goode! We will miss her seething rage. 

 

On Saturday Cankles Caligula had a wet dream and the United States committed piracy and abducted another oil tanker in international waters. Petey says try and stop him and his Department of War. Today was a triple header of hypocrisy of lying on "Meet The Press. " First was the stink of Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche. The Department of Justice will only release Epstein files that don't mention Trump and it's to protect the innocent victims. Trump has nothing to hide except his hairline and his hands, which are now purple like a Minnesota Vikings jersey. It is all a Democratic hoax and Chuck Schumer is playing games. For God's sake Chuck can't even play Chutes and Ladders. Kristen Welker asked Todd if the Department of Justice are only investigating Democrats and he said we've captured more child sex traffickers in 10 months than Biden caught in 4 years. That didn't answer the question and Blanche continued to blow smoke up our asses the rest of the interview. Satan must pay good wages for a soul that says "Sure!" He went on to say Thomas Massie is an idiot for opposing Sausage Fingers and he used the phrase "patently absurd" 4 times. Yes, he moved pimp and rapist Ghislaine Maxwell to the country club prison in Texas because her life was in danger. You know any good women's prison movie has a riot scene. What utter 13 minutes of bullshit. Then it was the weasel Tim Kaine. The Democratic Senator from Virginia has a spine with an off and on switch. Remember he gave up on the government shutdown because people don't really need healthcare. He had government friends missing paychecks and that was an egregious sin. His idea of threatening Petey Kegsbreath is saying we will cut his travel budget by 25 percent. We should not go to war with Valenzuela. Let's impose sanctions and look at them evilly like Vengeance Queen Erika Kirk. Are those rings she's wearing or brass knuckles? The madder the Hulk gets, the stronger the Hulk gets. Think of my Sis Catt Booker. Thanks for the time. Timmy! Now go get stoned and watch NFL Sunday Ticket! 

Last and certainly least it was the King of Transparency Lindsey Graham. He was live from Tel Aviv! He's been doing bong hits with Bennie "Fuck You" Netanyahu. Graham wants War with Valenzuela for the oil, and he wants missiles for Ukraine to destroy Russia. Cue up 'Wargasm" by L7. When informed by Kristen that Erika Kirk has endorsed Smokey Eye Shady Vance as our next president Lindsey replied that even for a gay guy he thinks she's Kool Filter Kings smoking hot. The Oscar ceremonies are being moved to YouTube in 3 years, and Donnie announced the engagement of BJ Laura Loomer. She's going to marry the starting offensive line of the Miami Dolphins. They have no Muslims. "SpongeBob The Movie" premiered this weekend amidst critical buzz and the hint of Oscar nominations. Goldigger Karoline Leavitt had the most intriguing photo in the Vanity Fair article because it shows her lips are as fake as Demi Moore's face.

 

If I recall, you're the actor who took to the stage
Set the world ablaze
With your anger and your rage
And with every new leaf
You turned and wrote a new page
Cleverly concealing your real age 

~Thin Lizzy~