"The savages who perpetrated this attack was killed by partner forces. Let it be known if you target Americans - - anywhere in the world - - you will spend the rest of your brief, anxious life knowing the United States will hunt you, find you, and ruthlessly kill you."
Secretary of Scotch and War Petey "Nice Tats" Kegsbreath on X 12-13-25
Secretary of Scotch and War Petey "Nice Tats" Kegsbreath on X 12-13-25
"No one told him she didn't want to see him again" - Thin Lizzy
Last Monday it was announced by Press Secretary Sweet Karoline "Goldigger" Leavitt that the White House now runs by a policy of Quid Pro Dough. What color is the money? Our government will now pay 12 billion dollars to American farming corporations in "tariff monies collected" to make up for the 25 billion lost in soybeans sales to China. Because of the tariffs. I shot the man and then reported the murder to the cops. I'm brave! The Orange Dictatortot called an ABC female reporter a "rude, terrible person."
Tuesday brought us a New York state court ordering the release of the Ghislaine Maxwell grand jury files. She will be out of prison in 10 months. America's Heartthrob Nick Fuentes appeared on Piers Morgan telecast and told us he's never had sex, black people are ignorant, and Nazi's are hip. The worst correspondent in America Dasha Burns interviewed Sausage Fingers for an hour and he told her that he rated his economy A plus times 5. He then went to a low rent casino in Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania for a rally filled with white people. 1,500. It was supposed to be a selling of his economic vision of the future. Flush that. It became an attack on shithole countries, Congresswoman Ihlan Omar, and anyone who doesn't give a hummer like Laura Loomer. US 3rd Circuit Court Judge Emil Bove attended in violation of federal law, but what does that mean anymore?
Wednesday was another WTF as the United States committed piracy and seized an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela. They filmed the incident. Blonde Ambition Attorney General Pammy Jo Bondi said they were sending oil to China to fund terrorists who will make fentanyl to plant in Wendy's chili to hook and or kill the entire state of Mississippi. Trump said he would keep the oil and try and stop him. Pammy Jo also is now saying she can't release the Epstein files because it's "an ongoing investigation." Loveless Pammy Jo may not know but Elvis is dead. The Federal Reserve Board did cut interest rates by a quarter point, but me and you are still nowhere. And the House and Senate passed the Department of War budget for only 900 billion dollars.
I got stoned early on Thursday and for good reason. Grubhub declared the most ordered food this year was chicken tenders. It's come to this. Adulterer and dog killer Kristi "Corey Lewandowski " Noem testified in Congress, committed perjury, and left before the meeting was over. But her hair and makeup were soap opera quality. I'm cute from 100 yards away, too. Both the Republicans and Democrats health plans were defeated by voting so 22 million people will lose health insurance on January 1st. Happy New Year! Kilmar Abrego Garcia was ordered to be released from ICE custody, Navy Admiral Frank Bradley told the Senate when he killed the two remaining passengers of the Venezuelan "drug boat" he was merely following the Petey Kegsbreath "Warrior Ethos" code of KILL KILL KILL! And the head of antifa investigation of the FBI was asked by Congressman Benny Johnson how many people were in antifa and where were they located. In a great moment of live television the answer was " Duh?"
On Friday a bevy of photos were released to the Democrats from Jeffrey Epstein's estate and looky looky at the swingers! Billy Clinton, Billy Gates, Steve "The Human Liver Spot" Bannon, and the ultimate creep Woody Allen. Go figure! Trump said it was a smear because he's in the majority of them and he's surrounded by women trying to avoid his smell and hands. Sex magnet Elon Musk was on Katie "I fucked Stephen " Miller's podcast and said " What conspiracy theory hasn't come true?"
Saturday the National Trust Historical Preservation sued Donnie F Trump for destroying the East Wing of the White House without any permission, and Orange Jesus couldn't even flip the coin at the annual Army/Navy football game. His fingers no longer work. Watch the video. But Erika Kirk had a one hour special on the new mouthpiece of MAGA CBS and the theme music was the O'Jays " For the Love ot Money." Here's an unsolicited tip to America's Most Beautiful Martyr: Turn off the waterworks baby.
Today's edition of "Meet The Press " could have been delivered with a brochure of Domino's Pizza coupons in the mail. It was that vital. The Reverend Raphael Warnock, Democratic Senator from Georgia, was first. It's a sad morning in America after another mass shooting. Moral repair is needed. I was thinking gun reform, but who am I? Raphael said we must condemn hatred and fold our sheets. Kristen Welker asked how can faith repair a nation? Raphael answered by saying if faith came with a free Netflix subscription everybody would be on board. Less people are religious these days but Raphael blames organized religions. I would single our the Presbyterians. "Trumpism is a plague." And socks should be changed daily. Keep the faith and go Bulldogs!
Our co star today was not Jimmy Fallon but "Ayn" Rand Paul, Republican Senator from Kentucky. He slept on his hair wrong because it was all tilted to the left. Mass shootings are bad and self restraint needs to improve. Should the United States retaliate for the death of 2 soldiers in Syria? Rand wonders why are we there to begin with. Ask the bankers. What about health-care? Rand says we should all band together and buy our coverage at Costco. He really said that. The Adverts "Safety In Numbers." We should not extend the Obamacare tax subsidies because we "shouldn't give money...uh, insurance, to rich people." And he questioned the foreign policy of attacking every country in South America. Tell that to the Red Skull Stephen Miller. Then Rand said both political parties stink and all he wants for Christmas is his two facial surgeries redone.
Inside the heartache of a foolYou'll learn things they don't teach in schoolAnd lessons there can be real cruelInside the heartache of a fool
~ Dwight Yoakum ~
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