The director of Homeland Security and dog killer Kristi "Porn Lips" Noem declared that Minnesota had been taken over by Somalians and 50 percent of them had fake visas. Somalians are 2 percent of the total population but they are murderous maniacs. Lock your doors.
Last Monday Navy Admiral Frank "Mitch" Bradley said he ordered the killing of the of the pair of survivals clinging to the bombed "drug boat." Miranda Devine, a bought and paid for Trump sperm gurgler, released a report in the Rubert Murdoch owned New York Post that former and current FBI agents had a 115 page indictment on the stupidity of One Eyed Kash Patel. The beautiful Iranian Alina Habba was removed as the attorney general of New Jersey and now aides to Mushroom Winkie call the Jewish Nazi Stephen Miller the "prime minister."
On Tuesday Secretary of Rape Petey Kegsbreath went to his fourth story on the bombing of the boat and told the public it was "the fog of war." That's also known as Canadian Mist. The Pentagon held their first press conference with the all conservative media and it was fabulous. The teenage sex addict Matt Gaetz, the quack Jack "Pizzagate" Posobiec, and the surgically repaired Laura Loomer were there and they threw fat softballs. But the new press secretary has great hair! The adjudicated rapist Donnie slept through 12 minutes of his televised cabinet meeting and pissed on himself. Trump did tell the voters in Tennessee to vote against the Democrat running for congress because " she hates Christians and country music."
Dickless Don also promised he is getting rid of income tax because we have so much money from tariffs. And I was cute at the age of three. Slimeball Jated Kushner and money bags Steve Witkoff bent over and spread their cheeks for Big Daddy Vladdy Putin and the war on Ukraine won't end.
On Wednesday the national guard was sent to New Orleans to crack heads of non white people. Shithook Jim Jordan subpoenad prosecutor Jack Smith and videos were released of Rape Island showing his sex boudoir with plastic masks on the walls and a dental chair. On Fox the news was Sabrina Carpenter is a whore, Sydney Sweeney is ultra hot, and Gavin Newsom is a peter puffer.
On Thursday Melania "Fuck Chreesmas" Trump unveiled her new movie company called "Muse." The first film will be "Sleeping With a Dead Man." 5 years after the incident the government announced it had arrested the MAGA male who planted the pipe bombs in Washington DC the day before the insurrection. Bongo Joe Dan Bongino, Pammy Jo Bondi, One Eyed Kash Patel, and the drunken Judge Jeanine Pirro took all the credit. God bless the USA!
One point two million people have lost their jobs this year but Trumpty Dumpty says we are the hottest country in the world. Republican Congressman Thomas Massie says people are resigning from public office because "Nobody wants to rubber stamp everything. You could get a monkey to do this job." Ukrainian President Vloylamir Zelenskyy avoided an assassination attempt in Ireland by Russian drones, and Vladimir Putin watched a Tanya Roberts movie on Cinemax. Trump dropped the sanctions on Russian oil exports because they need more money for their military. Also on Friday Vienna Sausage Fingers fired his architect for the Big Beautiful Ballroom because it's not big enough. And he won't pay him. Nor will he pay the idiots whe demolished the East Wing. If you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas.
Republican Congresswoman Nancy Mace is threatening to resign from congress because Moses Mike Johnson doesn't respect women. She's a fucking Republican. What did she expect? Better breast implants.
Today's "Meet the Press " was a trifecta of blandness. Kristen Welker continues to be the worst host since David Gregory but she still asks the same questions. Leading off was the pencil neck geek Tom Cotton. Republican from Arkansas. He gargles MAGA sperm like it's Listerine. All boats should be blown up and everybody should die. He supports Secretary of Rape Petey Kegsbreath and illegal drugs kill thousands in Arkansas. Obviously not enough because he got elected. Next was the bogus liberal Adam Schiff from California. He's an operator. His walk doesn't match his talk. He wants Petey Kegsbreath fired and he wants ketchup with his French fries. Finally it was Congressman James Clyburn. He has a new book. Great. He's thoughtful and articulate, but so was Adam West as Batman. Speaking of last night's rerun of the Dynamic Duo, it had the sound effect of "Pam!" when Robin cracked a wooden crate on the Penguiin's head.
In entertainment news there is a new episode of "Tracker" this week where he forgets to wear a condom and loses his wallet.
Yeah when I was in the country
I only had two friends
Yeah that was a whistling woman
You know boys and a crowing hen
That’s when I found out the first time
You know my trouble just begin
~Muddy Waters~
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