It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 December 1 (Monday Edition)

"Happy Thanksgiving to all, including to the Radical Left Lunatics who have worked so hard to destroy our Country, but who have miserably failed, and will always fail, because their ideas and policies are so hopelessly bad that the great people of our Nation just gave a landslide victory to those who want to MAGA! " Donnie Trump 11-28-24. 

Late Sunday Uncle Joe Biden did what he said he would never do. No, he didn't go to shop for adult novelties at Ray's Playpen in Kansas City. Instead he pardoned his son Hunter on his impending gun and tax evasion charges. This means Uncle Joe won't spend his final years with his son in the big house. This will no doubt send MAGA into a full tilt Human Torch flame-on frenzy. But we did have the entertainment of the last 4 years of Hunter's harassment. Who can forget the splendor of seeing America's Cupcake Marjorie Traitor Greene holding up a 4 foot tall poster board photo of Hunter's penis for the world to see. You've got to love that tantric sex kitten! 

Last week saw the Soggy Bottom Boy fill out his cabinet nominations. Instead of some stupid practice of using merit or DEI the Bronzed Pumpkin used 4 other forms of criteria: Nepotism, campaign contributors (bribery), those who have sold their soul to his sweaty belly, or people who work for Faux News. The FBI Director will be Kash Patel who was involved in the attempted overturn of the 2020 election and oversaw the January 6th riot. He also produced the since removed propaganda movie " 2000 Mules". It was filled with so many lies that even its distributor, the far right Salem Communications, had to disavow it. Kash has stated on tv he plans to dismantle the bureau. Yay! 

The new Ambassador to France will be Charles Kushner, Jared's father. Charles has only served 2 years in prison for tax evasion but his real crime was much bigger. Charles' brother in law was providing state's evidence against him so dig this. Charles paid a prostitute 25 thousand dollars to seduce said brother in law, make wet monkey love to him in a hotel room, and video taped the whole thing. He then gave the tape to his sister and said if he doesn't zip his lip this will be on the 6 o'clock news. Brilliant! I think I saw something like that with Barbara Bain on "Mission Impossible" years ago. 

The new Surgeon General will be Janette Nesheiwat who is a TV doctor on "Fox and Friends." The new Secretary of the Navy will be Florida investor John Phelan who never served in the military, but instead gave Diaper Donnie 1.7 billion dollars. However, he did play Battleship a lot when he was in grade school. The new self proclaimed Border Czar Tom Homan declared on tv that he will send armed troops into classrooms and grab immigrant students of all ages for incarceration and deportation. He then said that any Democratic governors or mayors who try to stop him will be thrown in jail. Homan comes off like a Frank Rizzo tough guy and dresses like a cosplay GI Joe. 

President Unelected Elon Musk last week posted on X the names of 10 women at the Department of Energy he's going to fire because they interfered with his Tesla car company. He also posted their home addresses and phone numbers. Did you know Tesla's have the highest recall rate per capita of any car in the USA? Did you know Tesla Cybertrucks have an explosion rate rivaling the late lamented Ford Pinto? 

Facebook and Threads owner Mark Zuckerberg flew to Mar-A-Lago last week and Donnie fitted him for a dog collar and a leash. Ladies pet Vivek Ramaswamy stated last week that with the upcoming tariffs on Mexico, Canada, and China prices will rise by 25 to 30 percent on around 70 percent of the goods and foods Americans buy. And with a smile he said people will just have to "feel the pain." Wasn't that a song by the Damned? 

And drunken rapist and next Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth's mother posted that her baby boy has a history of spousal abuse and infidelity. Is that what you call 3 marriages and 7 children including one out of wedlock? 

And then, we got to this week's installment of " Meet the Press." First was the Trump lap dog Republican Senator from Tennessee Bill Hagerty. He wears his slavery to the Mango Mussolini on his sleeve. He said Patel is a brilliant choice for FBI director and Patel will go after journalists and politicians who don't like Trump. He said the magic words "Hunter Biden!" Former Attorney General Bill Barr, no box of candy himself, said Patel is grossly unqualified. Hagerty said Barr can go pound sand. Hagerty said he would vote for all of Trump's nominations because if you are good to the Titty Baby he'll let you keep your job. When asked about the upcoming tariff inflation Hagerty said shut up! Canada and Mexico are our enemies! Hagerty's head is so far up Trump's ass he found Moses Mike Johnson. Have you heard the joke that Trump calls Moses Mike his "Little Johnson?" 

Next was National Security Advisor Jake Sullvan. When Kristen Welker told Jake that Trump is taking credit for the Israel and Lebanon ceasefire he replied "no shit?" Sullivan said Syria is losing its grip on its citizens because Big Daddy Vladdy Putin has shot his wad on Ukraine. As far as all the hostages still being held by Hamas, Sullivan used the ultimate cliche: " We are working around the clock." Sleep tight tonight! 

Last and certainly least was Democratic Senator from Connecticut Chris Murphy. He is another in a long line of Democrats who don't have a clue. When Trump stirs up fear and hate, Murphy is the kind of guy who will hold up a chart and say "Look how good you're doing!" He did say that just like last time Trump will use the Government Treasury as his personal ATM. He also said he's a big negatory on Kash Patel. He said in the future Democrats should put social issues on the back burner and just make populist promises. "Vote for us! We're Santa Claus!" 

Dictionary.com declared the word of the year is "demure." It was made popular by a 375 pound crossdresser named Jools LeBron. Jools is a lifestyle and beauty influencer. Okey dokey. 

The second Thanksgiving Day NFL game had another long haired blonde fashion model/ country singer as the halftime show. But there also was a brief appearance by the tattoo covered obese singer Jelly Roll which got me to thinking. How about we have a female Jelly Roll sing country music. Would country fans go wild over a plus size facial tattooed female? Please answer in the comment section. And don't forget Trump called Mexican President Claudia Scheinbaum last week and she agreed to all his terms and that the border will be shut down and there will be no more fentanyl. The great deal maker scores again! No so fast Snoopy. Within the hour Scheinbaum replied that no such agreement was reached. In essence Trump was lying again. Oh yeah, she added, 80 percent of the illegal guns in Mexico come from America. God Bless the National Rifle Association.

 

One day, the track that you're climbing gets steep
Your emotions are frayed
And your nerves are starting to creep
Just remember the days
As long as the time that you keep
Brother, you better watch out for the skin deep

~ The Stranglers ~ 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 November 24

Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD Strange Tales #168 "Today Earth Died."

Last Monday marked the death of MSNBC. The left leaning news and opinion cable network drank the Diet Coke of the adjudicated rapist Donnie Trump and said we give up. The hosts of the network's 4 hour morning show, Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, have called Trump a racist and a fascist for the last 2 years. But lo and behold last weekend they got on the Batplane and flew down to the Shang-Gra-La that is Mar-A-Lago and kissed the ass of the Bronzed Pumpkin. They capitulated to the threats of revenge by the man who wears diapers. Then they had the nerve to come on TV and say they bravely opened the channels of communication. In a classic case of FAFO the network's ratings plummeted 35 percent and it lost all relevance as a source to be believed. When you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas, as the philosopher Tom Snyder once said.

As the stock market wets its pants in fear of the Trump destruction of the economy there is a hot commodity skyrocketing up the Dow Jones. Yes, private prisons and detention companies are opening their doors with open arms for the 11 million immigrants, legal or illegal, soon to be herded up Nazi style by the United States armed forces. If you want to clean up financially jump in the water's fine!

In other immigrant news the Venezuelan who killed Laken Riley was sentenced to life in the boy's hotel. However, America was disappointed that the Cupcake of Hate Marjorie Traitor Greene was not there in the courtroom screaming "Say her name!" like she did all through the last State of the Onion address at Uncle Joe Biden. But the blonde cro-magnon made the news by saying she would physically fight the congress' first transgender representative Katie McBride of Delaware if she dared to use the restroom. Marjorie was beaten to the punch by attention whore Nancy Mace who introduced a bill that said no transgender women could use the women's room. A former staff member for Mace has told the press that Nancy demanded that she should be on tv 15 times a week! And you thought you saw Kevin Hart too much.

If you were preparing for Thanksgiving last week and not paying attention, the Orange Jesus continued to announce a rogues gallery of millionaires, criminals, Russian mouthpieces, and TV personalities for his cabinet from Hades.

First, the man who paid 10 thousand dollars to have sex with a pair of 17 year old girls pulled out his nomination for attorney general before he came. To the hearing. He was replaced by former Florida AG Pam Bondi. In 2013 Bondi was going to prosecute Trump University for fraud but dropped the case when the old mushroom winkie gave her campaign 25 thousand dollars. Everyone has a price, and Bondi's was lower than most. She has spent the last four years lying about election fraud, and has now vowed to prosecute Special Counsel Jack Smith and Attorney General Merrick Garland because that's what the average citizen wants.

In other ridiculous nominations Trumpty Dumpty named TV doctor Mehmet Oz to oversee Medicare and Medicaid. In his long career he prescribed medical cures 40 percent of the time that were fraudulent. I can kiss my retirement medical benefits goodbye!  When asked what Oz's qualifications were, Trump said "He was nominated for 10 Daytime Emmys!" Between Dr Oz and Dr Phil we really owe Oprah Winfrey a 3 Stooges pie in the face.

Defense Department nomination Pete Hegseth turns out to be another box of candy. He has 3 wives, 7 children, and is denying a charge of drunken rape. The weekend Fox " News" host has an AR 15 tattooed on his back, and wrote a book in 2020 declaring civil war backed by military force to "mock, humiliate, intimidate, and crush our leftist opponents." Now I'm not the sharpest pencil but I don't think a drunk with a boner should be in charge of 4 million troops and the nation's nuclear arsenal. But I could be wrong! I thought Kamala was going to win and that the St Louis Blues weren't going to totally blow tiger chunks this season.

And then there is the Soviet operative Tulsi Gabbard, who Trump wants to put in as Director of National Intelligence. She has no experience but she does travel to Syria and quotes Vladimir Putin. Tulsi says Russia didn't invade Ukraine, and that it was NATO's fault. If you've never seen Tulsi, she's the woman with the Pepe Le Pew white streak through her black hair.

After all of this head scratching bewilderment it was time for chocolate milk and a special all white edition of "Meet The Press." First off it was the junior senator from Missouri Eric Schmitt. He's a Republican and he told Kristen Welker that he would approve of all Trump's nominations. He refused to answer half of Kristen's questions but during the 12 minute "interview" he used the word "mandate" 4 times. I hate to be a stickler for accuracy but Trump won 50.2 percent to 48.5 percent. Most people wouldn't call that an overwhelming mandate, but I never bought a made in China MAGA hat either. 

 

According to Schmitt, Trump's criminals are now called reformers! He trafficked the falsehood that the FBI is targeting Catholics. He said DEI is un-American, and only white people need apply in today's new age. It's all about merit! That's why that Nazi skinhead Steven Miller is Trump's special advisor. Background checks are for sissy la las, pilgrim. As far as Ukraine is concerned, let Europe take care of it. We've got blacks and Mexicans to jail and deport. I want to hear "White Riot" by the Clash!

Next up was MAGA enemy number one Adam "Shifty" Schiff. The newly elected Democratic Senator from California always has a little self satisfied smirk on his face which adds to his charm. Schiff said Pam Bondi is a liar, Europe will no longer share intelligence with us since Pepe Le Pew Tulsi will send it straight to her Daddy Putin, and he is not upset that Trump calls him a lunatic. When Kristen asked him why his predictions of a blowout victory by Kamala were wrong, Shifty said he underestimated the brute force and ignorance of white guys who drink Milwaukee's Best Ice Beer and smoke any brand of cigarettes that cost less than 4 bucks a pack. Shifty then went off into the world of mumbo jumbo about how the Democrats need a bold new vision, a re-commitment to their mythical base, and the balls to tell the Mango Mussolini to bite it.

In other fun facts from last week did you know that 40 percent of Trump's cabinet nominations have sexual assault charges? That Trump nominated Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, to lead the Department of Education? That the head of Walmart said all prices will increase when Trump's tariffs kick in? And his plan to eliminate taxes on Social Security will be covered by most SSI checks being lowered by 100 to 200 dollars a month? Within 6 months inflation will go back to 10 percent. And "No taxes on tips" was a campaign slogan and nothing else.

In entertainment news last week the American Country Music Awards were on. Morgan Wallen won Entertainer of the Year but he didn't show up. Presenter Laney Wilson said the word "y'all" five times in one sentence.

This is the weekend of "Wicked" and "Gladiator 2." My personal best movie weekend was in 1973 with "Cannibal Girls" and "Night Call Nurses."

Because of curiosity
I'm just riddled with anxiety
I'm the lowest level, as a matter of fact
I often dwell for days and days
~ Iggy Pop ~