Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD Strange Tales #168 "Today Earth Died."
Last Monday marked the death of MSNBC. The left leaning news and opinion cable network drank the Diet Coke of the adjudicated rapist Donnie Trump and said we give up. The hosts of the network's 4 hour morning show, Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, have called Trump a racist and a fascist for the last 2 years. But lo and behold last weekend they got on the Batplane and flew down to the Shang-Gra-La that is Mar-A-Lago and kissed the ass of the Bronzed Pumpkin. They capitulated to the threats of revenge by the man who wears diapers. Then they had the nerve to come on TV and say they bravely opened the channels of communication. In a classic case of FAFO the network's ratings plummeted 35 percent and it lost all relevance as a source to be believed. When you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas, as the philosopher Tom Snyder once said.
As the stock market wets its pants in fear of the Trump destruction of the economy there is a hot commodity skyrocketing up the Dow Jones. Yes, private prisons and detention companies are opening their doors with open arms for the 11 million immigrants, legal or illegal, soon to be herded up Nazi style by the United States armed forces. If you want to clean up financially jump in the water's fine!
In other immigrant news the Venezuelan who killed Laken Riley was sentenced to life in the boy's hotel. However, America was disappointed that the Cupcake of Hate Marjorie Traitor Greene was not there in the courtroom screaming "Say her name!" like she did all through the last State of the Onion address at Uncle Joe Biden. But the blonde cro-magnon made the news by saying she would physically fight the congress' first transgender representative Katie McBride of Delaware if she dared to use the restroom. Marjorie was beaten to the punch by attention whore Nancy Mace who introduced a bill that said no transgender women could use the women's room. A former staff member for Mace has told the press that Nancy demanded that she should be on tv 15 times a week! And you thought you saw Kevin Hart too much.
If you were preparing for Thanksgiving last week and not paying attention, the Orange Jesus continued to announce a rogues gallery of millionaires, criminals, Russian mouthpieces, and TV personalities for his cabinet from Hades.
First, the man who paid 10 thousand dollars to have sex with a pair of 17 year old girls pulled out his nomination for attorney general before he came. To the hearing. He was replaced by former Florida AG Pam Bondi. In 2013 Bondi was going to prosecute Trump University for fraud but dropped the case when the old mushroom winkie gave her campaign 25 thousand dollars. Everyone has a price, and Bondi's was lower than most. She has spent the last four years lying about election fraud, and has now vowed to prosecute Special Counsel Jack Smith and Attorney General Merrick Garland because that's what the average citizen wants.
In other ridiculous nominations Trumpty Dumpty named TV doctor Mehmet Oz to oversee Medicare and Medicaid. In his long career he prescribed medical cures 40 percent of the time that were fraudulent. I can kiss my retirement medical benefits goodbye! When asked what Oz's qualifications were, Trump said "He was nominated for 10 Daytime Emmys!" Between Dr Oz and Dr Phil we really owe Oprah Winfrey a 3 Stooges pie in the face.
Defense Department nomination Pete Hegseth turns out to be another box of candy. He has 3 wives, 7 children, and is denying a charge of drunken rape. The weekend Fox " News" host has an AR 15 tattooed on his back, and wrote a book in 2020 declaring civil war backed by military force to "mock, humiliate, intimidate, and crush our leftist opponents." Now I'm not the sharpest pencil but I don't think a drunk with a boner should be in charge of 4 million troops and the nation's nuclear arsenal. But I could be wrong! I thought Kamala was going to win and that the St Louis Blues weren't going to totally blow tiger chunks this season.
And then there is the Soviet operative Tulsi Gabbard, who Trump wants to put in as Director of National Intelligence. She has no experience but she does travel to Syria and quotes Vladimir Putin. Tulsi says Russia didn't invade Ukraine, and that it was NATO's fault. If you've never seen Tulsi, she's the woman with the Pepe Le Pew white streak through her black hair.
After all of this head scratching bewilderment it was time for chocolate milk and a special all white edition of "Meet The Press." First off it was the junior senator from Missouri Eric Schmitt. He's a Republican and he told Kristen Welker that he would approve of all Trump's nominations. He refused to answer half of Kristen's questions but during the 12 minute "interview" he used the word "mandate" 4 times. I hate to be a stickler for accuracy but Trump won 50.2 percent to 48.5 percent. Most people wouldn't call that an overwhelming mandate, but I never bought a made in China MAGA hat either.
In other immigrant news the Venezuelan who killed Laken Riley was sentenced to life in the boy's hotel. However, America was disappointed that the Cupcake of Hate Marjorie Traitor Greene was not there in the courtroom screaming "Say her name!" like she did all through the last State of the Onion address at Uncle Joe Biden. But the blonde cro-magnon made the news by saying she would physically fight the congress' first transgender representative Katie McBride of Delaware if she dared to use the restroom. Marjorie was beaten to the punch by attention whore Nancy Mace who introduced a bill that said no transgender women could use the women's room. A former staff member for Mace has told the press that Nancy demanded that she should be on tv 15 times a week! And you thought you saw Kevin Hart too much.
If you were preparing for Thanksgiving last week and not paying attention, the Orange Jesus continued to announce a rogues gallery of millionaires, criminals, Russian mouthpieces, and TV personalities for his cabinet from Hades.
First, the man who paid 10 thousand dollars to have sex with a pair of 17 year old girls pulled out his nomination for attorney general before he came. To the hearing. He was replaced by former Florida AG Pam Bondi. In 2013 Bondi was going to prosecute Trump University for fraud but dropped the case when the old mushroom winkie gave her campaign 25 thousand dollars. Everyone has a price, and Bondi's was lower than most. She has spent the last four years lying about election fraud, and has now vowed to prosecute Special Counsel Jack Smith and Attorney General Merrick Garland because that's what the average citizen wants.
In other ridiculous nominations Trumpty Dumpty named TV doctor Mehmet Oz to oversee Medicare and Medicaid. In his long career he prescribed medical cures 40 percent of the time that were fraudulent. I can kiss my retirement medical benefits goodbye! When asked what Oz's qualifications were, Trump said "He was nominated for 10 Daytime Emmys!" Between Dr Oz and Dr Phil we really owe Oprah Winfrey a 3 Stooges pie in the face.
Defense Department nomination Pete Hegseth turns out to be another box of candy. He has 3 wives, 7 children, and is denying a charge of drunken rape. The weekend Fox " News" host has an AR 15 tattooed on his back, and wrote a book in 2020 declaring civil war backed by military force to "mock, humiliate, intimidate, and crush our leftist opponents." Now I'm not the sharpest pencil but I don't think a drunk with a boner should be in charge of 4 million troops and the nation's nuclear arsenal. But I could be wrong! I thought Kamala was going to win and that the St Louis Blues weren't going to totally blow tiger chunks this season.
And then there is the Soviet operative Tulsi Gabbard, who Trump wants to put in as Director of National Intelligence. She has no experience but she does travel to Syria and quotes Vladimir Putin. Tulsi says Russia didn't invade Ukraine, and that it was NATO's fault. If you've never seen Tulsi, she's the woman with the Pepe Le Pew white streak through her black hair.
After all of this head scratching bewilderment it was time for chocolate milk and a special all white edition of "Meet The Press." First off it was the junior senator from Missouri Eric Schmitt. He's a Republican and he told Kristen Welker that he would approve of all Trump's nominations. He refused to answer half of Kristen's questions but during the 12 minute "interview" he used the word "mandate" 4 times. I hate to be a stickler for accuracy but Trump won 50.2 percent to 48.5 percent. Most people wouldn't call that an overwhelming mandate, but I never bought a made in China MAGA hat either.
According to Schmitt, Trump's criminals are now called reformers! He trafficked the falsehood that the FBI is targeting Catholics. He said DEI is un-American, and only white people need apply in today's new age. It's all about merit! That's why that Nazi skinhead Steven Miller is Trump's special advisor. Background checks are for sissy la las, pilgrim. As far as Ukraine is concerned, let Europe take care of it. We've got blacks and Mexicans to jail and deport. I want to hear "White Riot" by the Clash!
Next up was MAGA enemy number one Adam "Shifty" Schiff. The newly elected Democratic Senator from California always has a little self satisfied smirk on his face which adds to his charm. Schiff said Pam Bondi is a liar, Europe will no longer share intelligence with us since Pepe Le Pew Tulsi will send it straight to her Daddy Putin, and he is not upset that Trump calls him a lunatic. When Kristen asked him why his predictions of a blowout victory by Kamala were wrong, Shifty said he underestimated the brute force and ignorance of white guys who drink Milwaukee's Best Ice Beer and smoke any brand of cigarettes that cost less than 4 bucks a pack. Shifty then went off into the world of mumbo jumbo about how the Democrats need a bold new vision, a re-commitment to their mythical base, and the balls to tell the Mango Mussolini to bite it.
In other fun facts from last week did you know that 40 percent of Trump's cabinet nominations have sexual assault charges? That Trump nominated Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, to lead the Department of Education? That the head of Walmart said all prices will increase when Trump's tariffs kick in? And his plan to eliminate taxes on Social Security will be covered by most SSI checks being lowered by 100 to 200 dollars a month? Within 6 months inflation will go back to 10 percent. And "No taxes on tips" was a campaign slogan and nothing else.
In entertainment news last week the American Country Music Awards were on. Morgan Wallen won Entertainer of the Year but he didn't show up. Presenter Laney Wilson said the word "y'all" five times in one sentence.
Next up was MAGA enemy number one Adam "Shifty" Schiff. The newly elected Democratic Senator from California always has a little self satisfied smirk on his face which adds to his charm. Schiff said Pam Bondi is a liar, Europe will no longer share intelligence with us since Pepe Le Pew Tulsi will send it straight to her Daddy Putin, and he is not upset that Trump calls him a lunatic. When Kristen asked him why his predictions of a blowout victory by Kamala were wrong, Shifty said he underestimated the brute force and ignorance of white guys who drink Milwaukee's Best Ice Beer and smoke any brand of cigarettes that cost less than 4 bucks a pack. Shifty then went off into the world of mumbo jumbo about how the Democrats need a bold new vision, a re-commitment to their mythical base, and the balls to tell the Mango Mussolini to bite it.
In other fun facts from last week did you know that 40 percent of Trump's cabinet nominations have sexual assault charges? That Trump nominated Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, to lead the Department of Education? That the head of Walmart said all prices will increase when Trump's tariffs kick in? And his plan to eliminate taxes on Social Security will be covered by most SSI checks being lowered by 100 to 200 dollars a month? Within 6 months inflation will go back to 10 percent. And "No taxes on tips" was a campaign slogan and nothing else.
In entertainment news last week the American Country Music Awards were on. Morgan Wallen won Entertainer of the Year but he didn't show up. Presenter Laney Wilson said the word "y'all" five times in one sentence.
This is the weekend of "Wicked" and "Gladiator 2." My personal best movie weekend was in 1973 with "Cannibal Girls" and "Night Call Nurses."
Because of curiosity
I'm just riddled with anxiety
I'm the lowest level, as a matter of fact
I often dwell for days and days
~ Iggy Pop ~
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