It's Sunday with Dan | 2026 July 19

"Most people should work a minimum of seven days a week."  

Republican Senator Rick Scott 7-16-2026

 

"Painful memories bring tears to my eyes" - The Inmates 

 

Last Wednesday, the breathless on the verge of tears, Senator Katie Britt told the gutless potential United States Attorney General Todd Blanche she admired his hair and that if she wasn't married to a former NFL football player she would bang him like a piano. The unfuckable Ted Cruz was also there and I threw up in my mouth. Blanche told America that he was "Trump's lawyer" and not a single Republican would say the adjudicated rapist lost the 2020 election to Uncle Joe Biden.

On Thursday the corpse of John Ashcroft vouched for Blanche and then returned to his coffin. David Vincent knows the invaders are here. Secretary of Scotch and Rape Petey Kegsbreath declared that every God fearing American serviceman over the age of 30 would be injected with testosterone so that they have porn actor boners. I didn't make that up.

Also on Thursday the Micro Penis Donnie gave a speech about he would be King forever, could never be arrested, and Melania was having sex for 2 thousand dollars an hour. Her phone number is BR 549. That's your Hee Haw reference for the week.

The ratings for Fox "News " have dropped by 43 percent in the last year and more old people are dying. As they say "Hmm..."

The official dumb shit DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin said every Democrat is going to be sent to prison or be fried like chicken in the electric chair. Markwayne is 5 foot nothing and wears his shirts 3 sizes too small so you would think he was Bill Bixby turning into the Hulk.

Today's " Meet the Press " was pre tempted by the final round of the British Open. I failed to make the cut after shooting 9 over after two days. The sand trap on 7 f ed me up.

In other news the Golden Corral is now airing commercials saying they are where:"Protein comes true!" The last time I was there I saw so many cattle I heard Gil Favor yell "Head 'em up! Move 'em out!"  

 

Forty days and forty nights
Since I sat right down and cried
Keep rainin' all the time

But the river is runnin' dry

~Muddy Waters~

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 November 2

 


"No American citizens have been arrested or detained, and anything you would hear or report that would be different than that is simply not true and false reporting."
Dog killer and adulterer Kristi Noem 10-30-25

"I don't believe in black magic. I don't believe in black cats." - Ted Nugent

Last Monday law professor and podcaster Jenn Taub said the true Donnie Trump agenda was not MAGA but MF. MF stands for Me First. Jimmy Kimmel called Trumpty Dumpty's underchin a "neck vagina." Mushroom Winkie gave another presser and blew off the teleprompter. He gave the usual claptrap that he won in an overwhelming mandate and he has turned our nation into the hottest in the world. The temperature or the economy? It's your call. 

On Tuesday while Cankles was overseas on his Asian getaway the White House announced it was getting rid of ICE officials and replacing them with the more aggressive Border Patrol strongmen. Remember, aggression unchallenged is aggression unleashed. The new Himmler Gregory Bovino is now in charge in Chicago and likes tear gas on children in Halloween costumes. Watch the video. Donnie met the new right wing president of Japan and she told him "I'm not your type so please don't rape me." James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer released the House's 91 page report on Uncle Joe Biden's use of the autopen during his presidency. Comer filled it with unsubstantiated hearsay and innuendo and declared it to be "the biggest scandal in White House history." Don't forget Comer used to beat up his college girlfriend. Just look at him. You can tell. 

On Wednesday Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell reduced interest rates by .25 percent. Inflation is right around the corner. Promises made, promises kept. Also on Wednesday Orange Jesus received a fake golden crown covered in phony jewels from South Korea. It was like a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Right wing crackpot Rich Greenfield is promoting the idea of the scheming Erica Kirk to be named the new head of MSNBC. Her husband Charlie's assassination has earned her the chance to make real money now. And watch the video of her getting handsy with Smokey Eye Shady Vance. Shady is like James Brown. He's on the scene like a sex machine. Trump sold out America to President Xi of China. He lowered their tariffs, they agreed to buy fewer soybeans than they used to, and Trump told reporters he gave himself a 12 out of 10 on his negotiations. Once again he reminds us he's the little king of everything. Self righteous bitch Riley "I'm Beautiful" Gaines appeared on Fox and challenged Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to a debate over trans gender people. Riley is a God fearing fashion model who has a well paying career as a hate machine. And she has a baby! Nosferatu Stephen Miller is scared for his life so he's moved to a military base. In his final days Adolf Hitler became paranoid, too. The paper called it suicide. A bullet from a 45. Nobody came, nobody cried. 

Two federal judges ruled Friday that Brookie Rollins and the USDA must pay the SNAP benefits due to the American people who qualify. On a 51-49 vote the Senate voted to reject Trump's sweeping worldwide tariffs. On Fox blonde model Kayleigh MacElnaney said the story of the day was the resurgence of Hamburger Helper as the Soylent Green for the unwashed masses. Across the political spectrum opinion polls are showing hemorrhoids are more popular than Rapey McFraud. And the redoubtable Mary Trump called Trump's Asian tour " Dancing with the Czars." 

Late Saturday night it was reported the United States is planning a military invasion of Nigeria. 

How's your weekend? 

Today's "Meet the Press " had one guest and it was soap opera good looking California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom. Kristen Welker's outfit was the Beatles "Baby's in black and I'm feeling blue." Here come the inane inquiries. Are the Democrats damaged goods? Gosh darn no! Trump is a moron and prices have not gone down. How about that special election Tuesday in California to allow redistricting? It's as huge as the repulsive Ron Jeremy. Trump says he's "entitled" to extra Republican seats in the Congress. Former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't like the idea, but don't forget the Terminator was slipping the pork to the horseface nanny while he was married to Maria Schriver. So much for his judgment. Does Gavin trust our Department of Justice? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Our only hope is for the lower courts to uphold our constitution against the Mango Mussolini's attacks. Yes, Donnie has ordered attack squads to be formed in every state. 

Then, in our weekly edition of "Beating The Dead Horse," Kristen asked Gavin if he was going to run for president. We then heard Letters to Cleo sing "Here and Now." The future is not ours to see. Ask the Magic Eight Ball. Newsom says Uncle Joe is still cool. His timing getting out of the race was bad, but not as bad as "Me and the Chimp" He feels bad for Kamala Harris and every picture tells a story. He then made a Biblical reference to Isiah and I wasn't ready for that. Then it was time for the panel and we had the presence of the beautiful and knowledgeable Melanie Zanona . Melanie has the best hairstyle on television. 

And in other news the federal government is still shut down, and Moses Mike Johnson continues to lie like Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To Beaver." 

The hated Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series and the St Louis Blues smell like out of date saurerkraut. 

RIP Jack Dejohnette.

 "The Golden Batchelor" has tanked in the ratings, and Greg Gutfeld is still as funny as a turd in a goldfish bowl. 

Behind the pantry, behind the tree, the ghouls adopt that child
Whose name resound forever, whose name resounds in terror
And I'm no fool to call that hog, 'cause, man, I remember
Those who did resign their souls to Transmaniacon MC 

~Blue Öyster Cult~

 

 

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 October 19

 "The Democrat Party's main constituency are made up of Hamas terrorists, illegal aliens,and violent criminals."  - White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt (6 months pregnant when she married her husband who is 35 years older but is a real estate millionaire) 10-17-25

"Now comes the moment of great decision. The doctor is making his first incision"
The Velvet Underground 

 

Last Monday the Orange Dictatortot hung out with Bennie "Fuck You" Netanyahu and other Arab leaders in Egypt and signed a piece of paper . Trumpty Dumpty declared he had brokered a cease fire and hostage release agreement between Hamas and Israel. Neither side will disarm as this is "Phase One" of a larger package. Sausage Fingers then grabbed the microphone and said he would say a few words. After 10 minutes of nonsensical babble the American networks cut away and went back to Valerie Bertonelli making stuffed green peppers on the Drew Barrymore show. What do Drew's tattoos on her arms mean? Trump's strong arm buddy Viktor Orban of Hungary was there, which means executions were cancelled for a day. 

 

The good news Tuesday was that the Supreme Court refused to hear Fake Voice Shithook Alex Jones' appeal to reverse the judgment against him in the Sandy's Hook defamation case. Alex still owes the parents of the slain students 1.4 billion dollars. Alex made a fortune saying the entire incident was staged and the parents were liars. Now Alex begs for your prayers and your cash as his world has been destroyed. Big tears mean nothing. 

 

Trump's White House announced we were bailing out Argentina to the tune of 20 billion smackers, which later grew to 40 billion. Thank God we can afford it since we're cutting off the health insurance for 20 million Americans! Charlie Kirk was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his lifetime of promoting racism. Charlie's fashion model wife, who can cry on command, was there to accept the award. Remember drug addict Rush Limbaugh got one of these, too, so they don't mean squat. Trump then again grabbed the microphone and babbled about how he got shot also but he adroitly dodged the bullet. Lest we ever forget it's always about him. 

Director of Homeland Security and adulterer ICE Barbie Kristi Noem released a memorial to the nation's police departments saying the No Kings protests scheduled for Saturday will be terrorist riots and should be handled accordingly. The United States blew up another boat in the Caribbean and someone in the administration said Wednesday that the WIC program would now be funded by tariff money. Trump announced a million dollar a head fundraiser dinner at Mar-A-Lago and Forbes magazine reported the freakishly creepy Baron Trump had made 230 million dollars since election day. As the leper told the prostitute "That was great, baby! Keep the tip!" 

And all of the press was kicked out of the Pentagon by tattooed rapist Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath. Among the news organizations allowed to stay because they signed loyalty oaths were One American Network and China's Epoch Times. And another Oregon appellate court ruled that no National Guard troops could be deployed in the state. 

 

On Thursday it was announced that we are going full "Miami Vice" with undercover operations in Valenzuela. Ray Ban sunglasses are optional. And Trump said we were going to fund a structure to compliment the Lincoln Memorial to be called the Arc De Trump. He told reporters it would be for himself. Former security advisor and current Trump critic John Bolton was indicted for sharing classified information. Silly rabbit! Only Cankles Caligula can do that! Another court order in Illinois told Trump to stuff his National Guard troops in their barracks. And then Big Daddy Vladdy Putin called boyfriend and puppet Donnie. They talked for two hours and Trump backed off his threat of giving Ukraine Tomahawk missiles. This did not make Volodymyr Zelenskyy happy, but he's used to the abuse from Mushroom Winkie.

 

On Friday it was revealed that John Bolton was writing his tell all book while he was working for Trump and Bolton pleaded not guilty to the charges. Don't pretend Bolton is a hero. Remember he trashed Hillary Clinton over her emails and he ginned up Dubya Bush to go to war after 9/11. Bolton is a pisser who pissed off the Big Pissy Pants Trump. The 4 star Admiral in charge of the Latin America Southern Command abruptly resigned as he wisely chose to get out before he was charged with war crimes for blowing up Valenzuelan boats. Trump bragged that he alone saved Ukraine from Putin and Russia, something that Barack Hussain Obama didn't do. Credit card thief and serial liar George Santos had his 7 year prison sentence commuted by the man who had sex with Stormy Daniels for 7 seconds. And bitchy Pammy Jo Bondi is now Attorney General in name only as the nefarious Eagle Ed Martin has taken over as the shadow AG. While Trump fired missiles over San Diego Saturday in a hastily arranged tribute to the United States Marines Saturday, over 7 million people participated in the No Kings protests across the country. All week the sniveling whistledick Moses Mike Johnson called it the Hate America rally that would be filled with Hamas supporters and antifa members. Mike was ready for violence, but none occurred. 

At the rally in Washington DC Medhi Hasan had the line of the day when he said that 2 of Donnie's 3 wives have been immigrants. This proves again that immigrants do the work Americans don't want to do. And in more Frozen Face Kristi Noem news it turned out the story that Mexican drug cartels were offering 50 thousand dollar bounties for killing ICE agents was made up, but your tax dollars will pay 172 million for Kristi to have 2 new Goldstream Jets to zip around in. That means Kristi and Corey Lewandowski can join the Mile High Club.

 

"Meet The Press" began today with our pal Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Now for a series of incredibly lame questions from Kristen Welker. Does Ukraine really want those Tomahawk missiles? What do you think? Will Trump give them to Zelenskyy? Who knows? Are delays in arms shipments bad? Duh. Would you give up territory to start negotiations? Go fish. We must have a cease fire before we have peace talks. Why does Russia need the land? They don't. Russia fires missiles because their military stinks on the battleground. Time will come for Putin when his back will be against the wall. And Trump reminded Zelenskyy and America that he, Trump, is really good at making deals and ending wars. Okay. Putin will not capitulate until Orange Jesus drops the shithammer. God bless you Kristen! 

Next was Kentucky Republican Senator Ayn Rand Paul. It's time for another summit with Putin. Russia wants the land they won. Trump posted that Paul is a "liddle man." Paul kissed butt by saying 5 chins is the best president of our lifetime. But Paul is not his puppet. Rand wants less debt and a balanced budget. The bombing of boats from Valenzuela is illegal. The boats don't carry enough fuel to get here, and he's not in favor of a war. All a regime change does is reap money spent and creates chaos. Oh yeah, the federal government is still shutdown. Paul hates both plans. 2 trillion by the Republicans and 3 trillion by the Democrats. But we should pay our troops and our government employees. Young Republicans in New York ( 40 years old and younger) had group chats revealed that shows they are all racist. Smokey Eye Shady Vance says so what? And America tells Shady to ease up on the Max Factor eyeliner. 

 

Finally it was Virginia Democratic Senator Tim Kaine. Timmy says Tomahawks are critical for Ukraine. We will only open the government again only after we guarantee Obamacare will be extended and funded. Trump says trust him, but who trusts a rapist? Kaine wants Congressional approval for any more boat attacks and he's a big nay nay on a war with Valenzuela. Then they talked about the Democratic idiot Jay Jones running for Attorney General in Virginia. He said his opponent needs two bullets to the head. He has since apologized. That was magnanimous. No one should drop out of the race. Just wipe your ass and flush. Wisdom for the ages. 

RIP Susan Stamberg and Ace Frehley. 

Third Wife First Whore Melania Trump has her new Christmas decorations out for sale starting at the low price of 79 dollars a piece. Eric Trump has a book out titled "Under Siege." Crayons are not included. And washed up pop singer Kevin Federline has a book out, too. In it he says ex wife Brittney Spears used to watch their babies sleep while she held a knife. Sounds like a doting mother to me! 

And your 6 foot 4, 225 pound president says he will never answer another question again from "fake news" ABC. 

War has shattered many a young man's dreams. 

Made him disabled, bitter and mean. 

Life is much too precious to spend fighting wars each day. 

War can't give life. It can only take it away.

~Edwin Starr~