It's Sunday with Dan | 2026 May 10

 "She's a bitch!" - Donald F Trump 5-8-26 to ABC News reporter Rachel Scott

"Too many people arguing about nothing at all" - Mott the Hoople 

 Last Monday Rudy Guiliani was hospitalized with a severe case of pneumonia. Doctors immediately ordered a fifth of Old Crow and a knob shine from a Peruvian hooker. It was also National Bird Day so yours truly stepped out on the balcony and flipped two for the world. Dementia Donnie held another press conference and said he had just passed his 45th cognitive exam. He is more intelligent than Lex Luthor. Woman beater James Comer said Pammy Jo Bondi would not testify on film and before Democrats because she's "special." 

On Tuesday the MAGA party put a billion dollars for The Golden Ballroom into the budget bill. It appears they need extra seats for the plastic surgeons to make every woman look like Laura Sanchez Bezos. What rhymes with slut? Orange Jesus said we are not in a war, that he started, with Iran. It's a "skirmish." Miniature Marco Rubio held a press conference and no one gave a flip. Operation Epic Fury is over, and America's Favorite Rapist said the Pope is endangering people across the world. My duck wears boxers. 

On Wednesday Project Freedom began and it ended one day later because Saudi Arabia told Jared "Sonny Drysdale" Kushner to have Intercourse with a Pontiac. Maniac John Fetterman is being seduced by the breathless senator Katie Britt to become a Republican and she tried to find his winkie beneath his oversized hoodie. Howard Nutlick went to the House Oversight Committee and refused to answer questions and James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer said it was okey dokey. JD Vance told a crowd of 83 people in Ohio that all immigrants are scum, except for Porn Model Melania Trump. And now we know One Eyed Kash Patel has his own brand of whiskey that he bottles and brands and we fucking pay for it. Economic advisor Kevin Hassett told Daisy Duck Maria Bartiromo on Fox that the economy is great because credit card debt is at an all time high. They call me Mister Lucky. The Department of Homeland Security will no longer investigate beatings and rapes in immigrant prisons because those people deserve it. The murderer Kyle Rittenhouse was bitten by a brown recluse spider and immediately made a video of himself with his shirt off. Just my opinion, but I think he should wear a C cup bra. Can you say "yam tits?" Marco Rubio met the Pope because Smokey Eye Shady Vance was busy pounding his pud and the Department of Revenge released a fake suicide note from Jeffrey Epstein. The Palm Beach Airport was renamed after the Mango Mussolini and I wash my underwear twice just to be careful. Goldigger Sweet Karoline Leavitt popped her second child and it's great to know that when the kid turns 10 Daddy will be 73. Who really was the sperminator? Ron Jeremy? The man known as Rapey McFraud has lifted all sanctions on Russia to ease the flow of oil and fertilizer and to give Big Daddy Vladdy Putin more money to bomb Ukraine. The Supreme Court of Virginia voted 4 to 3 to overrule the public vote and make every fucking congressional seat MAGA. Thank you Jesus! 

Today was the fabulous Mother's Day edition of "Meet The Press." First was Energy Secretary Chris Wright. Wow! He has hair like Race Bannon on "Jonny Quest." He told us Iran could have blown up the world had not the bold actions of the drunken rapist Petey Kegsbreath and Raisin Bran Caine told Donnie "Where's my penis?" Trump to "Kill Bill." He lied like me coming home late to my mother and Kristen "Worthless" Welker didn't fact-check his ass and didn't have a single follow-up question. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. But Chris did call it the Gulf of America! And oil is everywhere! Great. Pass the dutchie. Democratic Senator Cory Booker was next and it's great to see an articulate bought and paid for shill who pretends to be a liberal. He talks it but he doesn't walk it. Think of fashion model Gavin Newsom. He's so full of himself I'm surprised he can walk. Then we had governors Wes Moore and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I immediately grabbed another shot. Wes is a smiling bland dumbass, and Sarah wears a pork chop around her neck so the dog will play with her. 

Golden Tempo will not run in the Preakness so once again we have no reason to watch horse racing. 

While mourning the passing of founder Ted Turner TNT showed "Aquaman" for the 367th time and adult actress Brandi Love is out of the hospital. 

The worst person in America isn't Nosferatu Stephen Miller but the dick with a mouth Joe Rogan. Uncle Fester on steroids with tattoos. What a maroon! Cash the check, pal. 

 

Why do you build me up, Buttercup? 

Just to let me down? 

~ The Foundations ~  

 

 

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 May 11

 "I had nothing to do with it. Somebody made up a picture of me dressed like the Pope and they put it out on the internet. That's not me that did it. I have no idea where it came from. They can't take a joke. You don't mean the Catholics, you mean the fake news media. The Catholics loved it. Actually, my wife thought it was cute. She said "Isn't that nice?"'  - Donnie "The Ladies Pope" Trump 5-5-25

 Happy Mother's Day! Pass the green bean casserole.

Last Monday the National Football League announced the 2027 draft would be held in DC, and  the federal government announced it was dropping investigations on banking institutions but unleashing its full force on student loan repayments. 

On Tuesday Trump okayed the payment of 30 million dollars to the parents of serial criminal Ashley Babbitt. Ashley was shot after breaking and entering the Capitol on January 6th after cold-cocking another protester so she could be the first to assault a policeman. MAGA justice. 

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney met with Trump and told him Canada was not for sale. Trump told him the border was an artificial line drawn years ago by a man "with a ruler." Smokey Eye Shady Vance told the press that foreigners were welcome to attend soccer's World Cup here next year but once it was over to get their asses out of America. Otherwise they'd be shipped off to Ice Barbie Kristi Noem's Death Camp in El Salvador. You dig? 

Wednesday was a watershed of stories. CBS News reported the Trump Crime Family had made between 29 to 40 billion dollars in crypto banking sales and kickbacks since January 20th. India fired missiles into Pakistan killing civilians and canceling the cricket league games. Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell said interest rates would not change due to Trump's chaotic economy. Trump nominated Casey Means, who does not have an active medical license, to be Surgeon General. Means, 35 years old, sells medical supplements and promotes "functional medicine." She has stated she has learned to love after learning how to "talk to the trees." RFK Jr recommended her to Fat Nixon. 

Did you know that 746 thousand people who invested in Donnie and Melania's crypto coins lost their entire investment? And that in his first 100 days in office Pervert Hoover he spent 25 of them playing golf? During that same time Frigid Melania spent less than 13 days at the White House. During initial talks with the European Union Trump is demanding they purchase Felon Musk's Starlink system or it's a no go. 

Lots of dung hit the wall and stuck Thursday. In Moscow Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping met, drank tea, and binge watched "Farmer Wants a Wife" while discussing their future plans to humiliate Trumpty Dumpty. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was ordered to no longer enforce regulations on banks and payday loan companies over their lending policies. Since 2011 over 22 billion dollars has been returned to citizens, but what the hell for? At 11 am CDT a new Pope was declared on the fourth vote by the College of Cardinals. Robert Francis Prevost was born in Chicago just like Paul Butterfield, and was immediately denounced by the MAGA faithful. Laura "Bissell" Loomer posted on X "woke, Marxist puppet!" Another follower of God, Jim Bakker, appeared on national television and told America he needed 1,000 people to give $1 000 apiece or he would be forced to live on the street. Remember when Jim and Tammy "Pills" Faye had the air conditioned doghouse? And what ever happened to Jessica Hahn? The Pope's new name will be Leo XIV. I was rooting for Henry the Eighth I am I am. But nobody remembers Herman's Hermits anymore. 

F me running. The Mango Mussolini announced a huge tariff and trade deal with the United Kingdom that will lower the costs of Rolls Royces and Aston Martins.  It opens up the market for England to buy American beef, but they don't because it doesn't pass their health standards. Commerce Secretary Howard "Nutlick" Lutnick was there to scream and yell about what a great negotiator the Crafty Adjudicated Rapist was. The Commander in Thief then answered questions and said Mattel was a country and he didn't care what they did or where they moved. In Mattel the country all the women dress like Barbie and all the men drive Hot Wheels. He also insulted Pete Hegseth's homosexuality and called Jewish Chuck Schumer  a Palestinian. And Howard Nutlick clapped his hands and laughed overly loud. Job security for the slapdick!  When told that since all of the ports are vacant because of the trade boycott and dock workers and truck drivers are losing their jobs Orange Jesus said that was good because "we lose less money." He's playing 5D chess again!

Friday the news didn't stop.  RIP Former Supreme Court Justice David Souter died. Current Chief Justice John Roberts released a statement saying Souter was a liberal bastard and he wouldn't have crossed the street to meet him. ICE Barbie Kristi Noem faced a Senate committee and wouldn't answer questions but looked stunning in her layered hair and huge lips. FBI Director and party doll Popeye Kash Patel didn't have a budget to submit to his committee, said he didn't know when he'd have one, and said " I'm doing the best I can." It's reported he shows up for work after noon on the days he's there and ignores intelligence reports. But he's not some fucking DEI hire. While Russia and China were making trade and security deals, and the Coalition if the Willing European Union leaders were meeting with Zelenskyy in Ukraine,  the McDonald's Overeating Titty Baby was calling to see who would join him for a circle jerk at Mar-A-Lago. Alina Habba had the Mayor of Newark, New Jersey arrested for trying to visit arrested immigrants at a private prison because she's the pretty Attorney General appointed by Donnie. And Satan's Stooge Nosferatu Steven Miller told reporters he's looking into suspending habeas corpus in the constitution because Trump should be able to arrest and deport without a hearing anyone he wants. Every guest on "Meet The Press" today not only refused to answer questions but also were as happy as a contestant on " Let's Make a Deal" that it was Mother's Day.  

Republican Senator John Barrasso was first and he wasted 8 minutes of my life. Donnie Trump's strength and leadership are unsurpassed. Russia and Ukraine are still all Joe Biden's fault. We can put sanctions and 500 percent tariffs on Russia. What do we buy from Russia?  China needs us, but we don't need them. Tell that to the farmers, asswipe. Trump is such an alpha male. Wyoming loves Trump! Gas is 50 cents cheaper than it was a year ago. If the Dollar Tree stores are in bad shape because of the tariffs screw 'em! Democrats want to raise taxes by 4 trillion dollars. Yeah, Spanky, on those making over half a billion a year. Three times Kristen asked him if he would get rid of habeas corpus and three times he didn't answer. Trump won all the battleground states and you can go to hell! 

Next was the affable but ineffectual Democratic Senator from Minnesota Amy Klobuchar. Happy Damn Mother's Day. Will tariffs stop fentanyl? Amy doesn't know. Chaos, corruption, and costs are all she sees as the results. 300 thousand jobs have been lost and the rise in the price of strollers creates a "baby tax." Stephen Miller is a pathetic troll who should go back to living under a bridge. Social Security is doomed.  The courts are saving us from a constitutional crisis. The GOP Congress should grow some testicles and tell the convicted felon to go pound sand. We can't look back but instead look to the future.  Amy refuses to acknowledge that as long as there are white men with big trucks and small dicks there will never be a woman president. Will Amy run again for president? Stupid question but Kristen smiled like she had a "gotcha" scoop. Kristen is the type of person who asks the same thing three times, gets the same answer three times, and then pats herself on the back. 

Last it was the idiotic Sean Duffy, formerly of MTV reality tv shows and now the Transportation Secretary.  Google the photo of him in his tighty whities. He's packing a rod, kids! "Our mission is safety" was just one of the you don't say answers he spewed out today. I didn't know the Federal Aviation Administration has to buy parts and equipment on Ebay. Holy crap. In 3 to 4 years we will be up to speed but don't worry about flying now, even though we don't have enough traffic controllers.  Say your prayers and bring your mojo hand. We will pay everybody more money while we cut costs. Elon's got it all figured out. You hire minor tv personalities to lead government organizations and this is what you get. He does have great mature hair, though! 

In entertainment news the Fox Network is proud of it's alum Jeanine Pirro being named the new United States Attorney for Washington DC. She marks the 23rd Fox personality appointed by Trump to a position and show again it's all about experience and qualifications.  Pirro joins Petey Hegseth as bonafied day drinkers proud to serve Uncle Sammy. And Fox announced it's newest Gordon Ramsay prime time cooking show. "Save Our Shithole" premieres in two weeks. The first episode is Gordon renovating the Pizza Hut located at 5913 N. Illinois Street in East St Louis. And after delivering his Sunday address Pope Leo boarded Air Pope One to jet to the Joplin Regional Airport. From there it's 26 miles to the Buffalo Run Casino in Miami,  Oklahoma so the pontiff can catch the Mother's Day Buffet. Only $19.99 for adults and children under 12 eat for half price. 

Her sense of taste is such that she'll distinguish with her tongue 

the subtleties a spectograph would miss. 

And announce her decision while demanding her reward. 

The jellyfish kiss.

~ Brian Eno ~

 

 

It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 May 12

Happy Mother's Day from former nude model and first lady Melania "I had sex with that douchebag for the post death/divorce money" Trump. She's at Mar-A-Lago today drinking Little Kings Cream Ale and binge watching reruns of "McHale's Navy." 

Her son Barron, from as a yet to be determined sperminator, graduates high school this week. Barron has decided to bypass college and go directly into the workforce as an undercover security agent at the West Palm Beach Wal-Mart Supercenter. He has stated his number one priority is to avoid banging pornographic actresses. 

His bank-roller Donnie "Mushroom" Trump got slapped with a ten thousand dollar fine Monday by Judge Juan " Valdez" Marchant. It seems that threatening the lives of 12 jurors is a bad thing. Louisiana Congressman Clay "Ghost Buses" Higgins also vowed to kill the judge, and in a published Associated Press poll one third of Republican voters agreed it was kosher to murder political opponents. I did not make that up. 

Speaking at a fund raiser Donnie "Love me" Trump said that 40 percent of Democratic voters are on welfare. Shades of Mitt Romney. On Fox "News" your favorite congresswoman Nancy Mace told Neil Cavuto that George Santos was funding Hamas. Peculiar that a Jew would bankroll an army trying to destroy Israel, but what do I know? 

The Ford Motor Company issued a recall of it's Maverick pickup trucks because the tail lights don't work. Hey, they don't burst into flames like Pintos! 

Moses Mike Johnson held a presser where he declared that protesting college students were evil and that convicted rapist Donnie Trump was as pure as Ivory Soap. 

And now to the meat, as it were, of this week's news. Horseface Stormy Daniels (aka Stephanie Clifford) testified for over 5 hours in the Honey Hush Money trial of the man with a boner wearing diapers. I had forgotten what the word salacious meant. America's Scold Peggy Noonan was so appalled she had to apply more Aqua Net hairspray to maintain her perfect appearance and morals. When Peggy does number two it looks like divinity fudge. The details of the sex would not qualify for a letter to Penthouse. To say the most Donnie was the least. We now have a request to hear Motley Crue's "10 Seconds to Love." His hook to slip her the weasel was " I'll put you on 'The Apprentice!"

The highlight was Stormy saying that Orange Jesus begged to be spanked on his ample derriere with a rolled up copy of Forbes magazine that had him on the cover. This is the end of masturbation. Donnie told Stormy that she looked like his daughter Ivanka, and I'm not going into that entire incest thing. Not me, no not me. 

On Wednesday the bought and paid for judge Ailleen Cannon said that the trial of stolen documents by Baby Buttercup will be delayed by 9 months, just in case the Mango Mussolini wins the election and he can pardon himself. 

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. revealed that a worm had entered his brain and died, but he's hunky dory now. 

Marjorie Traitor Greene voted against a House bill that would cut off funding to colleges that would not condemn antisemitism because, as we all know, "The Jews killed Jesus!" Marjorie is a real box of candy. 

From all of this and the botox dog killer South Dakota governor Kristi Noem canceling her book tour we had this week's episode of "Meet The Press." As Robert Cray would say a cup of coffee and whiskey on the side. Batting lead-off was the beleaguered Secretary of State Anthony "Winken" Blinken "and Nod." Israel is our buddy. In the heat of a war you are on your own, pal. Has Isreal broken international war crimes? How the Hell does he know. As Israel invades the city of Rafah to eliminate Hamas their battle plan is "If it's moving shoot it." How can this potential forever war end? Hamas should just give up. Thank you for your insight Mister Blinken. 

Batting second was the perpetually pissed off Independent Senator from Vermont Bernie Sanders. Israel has violated every known war crime and should not get another dime from Uncle Sammy. Two thirds of the Palestinians killed in this skirmish are women and children. Will this war cripple Motorhead Joe like Vietnam destroyed Lyndon Johnson? Bernie told hostess Kristen Welker to check her Qujia board. Bernie is 82 years old and he's running again for another 6 year term in the Senate. Some farts linger and the Rolling Stones keep touring. 

Just when you thought the show couldn't get worse it did. Fresh from gargling Donnie Trump's sperm it was Lindsey Graham and his new shaggy haircut. If you thought Bernie was pissed, aye yi yi. During the interview Graham yelled and pounded the table. I had flashbacks of Nikita Kruseshev and his shoe screaming "We will bury you!" Graham hates Uncle Joe and thinks we should empty the vault and give Israel all the money they need to kill, kill, kill. He said this war is 9/11 and Pearl Harbor combined. He said our military officials are "full of crap!" After Israel kills everyone who is a Palestinian then we can have peace, and also job opportunities for custodians to clean up the bodies and destroyed buildings. When Kristen asked him if he would respect the outcome of the presidential election he told her to bite his crank. Trump is a god! 

There are people around here who are right

There are people around here who like to sleep at night

There are people around here who understand

There are people around here that couldn't give a damn

~ Thin Lizzy ~