"I had nothing to do with it. Somebody made up a picture of me dressed like the Pope and they put it out on the internet. That's not me that did it. I have no idea where it came from. They can't take a joke. You don't mean the Catholics, you mean the fake news media. The Catholics loved it. Actually, my wife thought it was cute. She said "Isn't that nice?"' - Donnie "The Ladies Pope" Trump 5-5-25
Happy Mother's Day! Pass the green bean casserole.
Last Monday the National Football League announced the 2027 draft would be held in DC, and the federal government announced it was dropping investigations on banking institutions but unleashing its full force on student loan repayments.
On Tuesday Trump okayed the payment of 30 million dollars to the parents of serial criminal Ashley Babbitt. Ashley was shot after breaking and entering the Capitol on January 6th after cold-cocking another protester so she could be the first to assault a policeman. MAGA justice.
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney met with Trump and told him Canada was not for sale. Trump told him the border was an artificial line drawn years ago by a man "with a ruler." Smokey Eye Shady Vance told the press that foreigners were welcome to attend soccer's World Cup here next year but once it was over to get their asses out of America. Otherwise they'd be shipped off to Ice Barbie Kristi Noem's Death Camp in El Salvador. You dig?
Wednesday was a watershed of stories. CBS News reported the Trump Crime Family had made between 29 to 40 billion dollars in crypto banking sales and kickbacks since January 20th. India fired missiles into Pakistan killing civilians and canceling the cricket league games. Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell said interest rates would not change due to Trump's chaotic economy. Trump nominated Casey Means, who does not have an active medical license, to be Surgeon General. Means, 35 years old, sells medical supplements and promotes "functional medicine." She has stated she has learned to love after learning how to "talk to the trees." RFK Jr recommended her to Fat Nixon.
Did you know that 746 thousand people who invested in Donnie and Melania's crypto coins lost their entire investment? And that in his first 100 days in office Pervert Hoover he spent 25 of them playing golf? During that same time Frigid Melania spent less than 13 days at the White House. During initial talks with the European Union Trump is demanding they purchase Felon Musk's Starlink system or it's a no go.
Lots of dung hit the wall and stuck Thursday. In Moscow Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping met, drank tea, and binge watched "Farmer Wants a Wife" while discussing their future plans to humiliate Trumpty Dumpty. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was ordered to no longer enforce regulations on banks and payday loan companies over their lending policies. Since 2011 over 22 billion dollars has been returned to citizens, but what the hell for? At 11 am CDT a new Pope was declared on the fourth vote by the College of Cardinals. Robert Francis Prevost was born in Chicago just like Paul Butterfield, and was immediately denounced by the MAGA faithful. Laura "Bissell" Loomer posted on X "woke, Marxist puppet!" Another follower of God, Jim Bakker, appeared on national television and told America he needed 1,000 people to give $1 000 apiece or he would be forced to live on the street. Remember when Jim and Tammy "Pills" Faye had the air conditioned doghouse? And what ever happened to Jessica Hahn? The Pope's new name will be Leo XIV. I was rooting for Henry the Eighth I am I am. But nobody remembers Herman's Hermits anymore.
F me running. The Mango Mussolini announced a huge tariff and trade deal with the United Kingdom that will lower the costs of Rolls Royces and Aston Martins. It opens up the market for England to buy American beef, but they don't because it doesn't pass their health standards. Commerce Secretary Howard "Nutlick" Lutnick was there to scream and yell about what a great negotiator the Crafty Adjudicated Rapist was. The Commander in Thief then answered questions and said Mattel was a country and he didn't care what they did or where they moved. In Mattel the country all the women dress like Barbie and all the men drive Hot Wheels. He also insulted Pete Hegseth's homosexuality and called Jewish Chuck Schumer a Palestinian. And Howard Nutlick clapped his hands and laughed overly loud. Job security for the slapdick! When told that since all of the ports are vacant because of the trade boycott and dock workers and truck drivers are losing their jobs Orange Jesus said that was good because "we lose less money." He's playing 5D chess again!
Friday the news didn't stop. RIP Former Supreme Court Justice David Souter died. Current Chief Justice John Roberts released a statement saying Souter was a liberal bastard and he wouldn't have crossed the street to meet him. ICE Barbie Kristi Noem faced a Senate committee and wouldn't answer questions but looked stunning in her layered hair and huge lips. FBI Director and party doll Popeye Kash Patel didn't have a budget to submit to his committee, said he didn't know when he'd have one, and said " I'm doing the best I can." It's reported he shows up for work after noon on the days he's there and ignores intelligence reports. But he's not some fucking DEI hire. While Russia and China were making trade and security deals, and the Coalition if the Willing European Union leaders were meeting with Zelenskyy in Ukraine, the McDonald's Overeating Titty Baby was calling to see who would join him for a circle jerk at Mar-A-Lago. Alina Habba had the Mayor of Newark, New Jersey arrested for trying to visit arrested immigrants at a private prison because she's the pretty Attorney General appointed by Donnie. And Satan's Stooge Nosferatu Steven Miller told reporters he's looking into suspending habeas corpus in the constitution because Trump should be able to arrest and deport without a hearing anyone he wants. Every guest on "Meet The Press" today not only refused to answer questions but also were as happy as a contestant on " Let's Make a Deal" that it was Mother's Day.
Republican Senator John Barrasso was first and he wasted 8 minutes of my life. Donnie Trump's strength and leadership are unsurpassed. Russia and Ukraine are still all Joe Biden's fault. We can put sanctions and 500 percent tariffs on Russia. What do we buy from Russia? China needs us, but we don't need them. Tell that to the farmers, asswipe. Trump is such an alpha male. Wyoming loves Trump! Gas is 50 cents cheaper than it was a year ago. If the Dollar Tree stores are in bad shape because of the tariffs screw 'em! Democrats want to raise taxes by 4 trillion dollars. Yeah, Spanky, on those making over half a billion a year. Three times Kristen asked him if he would get rid of habeas corpus and three times he didn't answer. Trump won all the battleground states and you can go to hell!
Next was the affable but ineffectual Democratic Senator from Minnesota Amy Klobuchar. Happy Damn Mother's Day. Will tariffs stop fentanyl? Amy doesn't know. Chaos, corruption, and costs are all she sees as the results. 300 thousand jobs have been lost and the rise in the price of strollers creates a "baby tax." Stephen Miller is a pathetic troll who should go back to living under a bridge. Social Security is doomed. The courts are saving us from a constitutional crisis. The GOP Congress should grow some testicles and tell the convicted felon to go pound sand. We can't look back but instead look to the future. Amy refuses to acknowledge that as long as there are white men with big trucks and small dicks there will never be a woman president. Will Amy run again for president? Stupid question but Kristen smiled like she had a "gotcha" scoop. Kristen is the type of person who asks the same thing three times, gets the same answer three times, and then pats herself on the back.
Last it was the idiotic Sean Duffy, formerly of MTV reality tv shows and now the Transportation Secretary. Google the photo of him in his tighty whities. He's packing a rod, kids! "Our mission is safety" was just one of the you don't say answers he spewed out today. I didn't know the Federal Aviation Administration has to buy parts and equipment on Ebay. Holy crap. In 3 to 4 years we will be up to speed but don't worry about flying now, even though we don't have enough traffic controllers. Say your prayers and bring your mojo hand. We will pay everybody more money while we cut costs. Elon's got it all figured out. You hire minor tv personalities to lead government organizations and this is what you get. He does have great mature hair, though!
In entertainment news the Fox Network is proud of it's alum Jeanine Pirro being named the new United States Attorney for Washington DC. She marks the 23rd Fox personality appointed by Trump to a position and show again it's all about experience and qualifications. Pirro joins Petey Hegseth as bonafied day drinkers proud to serve Uncle Sammy. And Fox announced it's newest Gordon Ramsay prime time cooking show. "Save Our Shithole" premieres in two weeks. The first episode is Gordon renovating the Pizza Hut located at 5913 N. Illinois Street in East St Louis. And after delivering his Sunday address Pope Leo boarded Air Pope One to jet to the Joplin Regional Airport. From there it's 26 miles to the Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma so the pontiff can catch the Mother's Day Buffet. Only $19.99 for adults and children under 12 eat for half price.
Her sense of taste is such that she'll distinguish with her tongue
the subtleties a spectograph would miss.
And announce her decision while demanding her reward.
The jellyfish kiss.
~ Brian Eno ~
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