It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 May 25

"You're talking about a lot of other things. Is NBC trying to get off the subject of what you just saw? You are a real- - you know, you're a terrible person. Number one, you don't have what it takes to be a reporter. You're not smart enough. You ought to go back to your studio at NBC." 

Donnie "Genius" Trump to Peter Alexander 5-21-25. 

 

Happy Memorial Day weekend. 

 

First we need to get some news out of the way. Joe Biden is an unstable mentally shot old man and he has cancer. Second thing is Jake Tapper has a book, Jake Tapper has a book, and Jake Tapper has a book. Okay. 

 

Monday Smokey Eye Shady Vance met with Pope Leonard XIV and the Pope escaped with his life. Donnie "Ladies Man" Trump and First Whore Third Wife Melania signed into law the "Take It Down" act making it illegal to post revenge porn on the internet. Melania waxed about the entire importance of "this beel." Melania was going to regale the assembled with stories of her days modeling lesbian porn in Europe but she was cut off. This law will make it against the law to post non consensual pictures on the internet. However this does nothing to penalize Tantric Sex Kitten Marjorie Traitor Greene who last year showed a 4 foot by 5 foot posterboard photo of Hunter Biden's cock on CSPAN. Trump also claimed to have had a two hour phone call with Vladimir Putin, but no one believed him.

 

Tuesday Cory Booker betrayed America by voting for Charles Kushner to be the Ambassador to France. When asked about it Booker said he voted for the convicted felon because reelection is a whole other thing than standards. Tuesday also saw Trump claim, without evidence, that he brought back 5 trillion dollars from his Middle East trip. Sammy Hagar "Money talks/Bullshit walks." It was a bad day for Senate testimony. Puppy Killer Kristi Noem said habeas corpus was not for protecting the rights of the accused with due process but instead gave the president the authority to arrest and deport anyone he wanted to. Pretend Secretary of State Miniscule Marco Rubio said the United States was washing its hands of Russia and Ukraine. Senator Chris Van Hollen said he now regrets voting for Rubio. Marco quickly snapped back "That means I must be doing something right!" So there! And my former high school classmate Billy Long testified as he is the nomination for IRS commissioner. When asked about the fact that they have him on tape soliciting bribes Billy said "Gulp!" But the GOP head of the confirmation committee told Billy not to lose any sleep or his appetite over it. He's a sure thing to be elected. He's in like Ron Jeremy. And Press Secretary Sweet Karoline Leavitt lied and said the new budget would not add to the deficit. Also the Apricot Antichrist announced that we will spend billions of dollars on a new domestic missile defense system called the Golden Dome. It will protect America from golden showers. "We call this super technology." 

 

Wednesday night into Thursday morning the House passed Trump's budget bill. It has several provisions that make no sense. It will make it impossible to get court decisions against Executive Orders as you will have to post bond to file a complaint, and it removes the taxes on gun silencers and tanning beds (good news for James Bond). It also cuts 900 billion and 535 billion dollars respectively from Medicaid and Medicare.It also changes the age if dependents to 7 years old. If you are 8 or older you need to get off your sorry ass and get out and fend for yourself. 

 

The adjudicated rapist Donnie hosted the President of South Africa in the Oval Office and showed a fake propaganda video from the Congo claiming white people were being slaughtered by blacks. It's a different country but since when did the truth matter to the Puffed Cheeto? 

That night the Crime of the Century continued as Trump hosted his Give Me Money Crypto Dinner at his golf course and club in North Roanoke, Virginia. 220 people attended and video shows many of them walking in wearing masks as not to be identified. The Mushroom made 400 million dollars and spoke for 23 minutes. He immediately left by helicopter afterwards and met with no one. Guests were served budget sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans. I'm lower class and I eat better than that. Goldigger Karoline Leavitt said it was legal because the Mango Mussolini was off the clock. Remember the Warner Brothers cartoons with Ralph and Sam, the dog and wolf, who would clock in and out before their day of poaching and guarding the sheep? Like that. The White House refused to release the guest list. 

 

Also Kristi Noem took time out from canoodling with Corey Lewandowski and donned a gown and mortar board and banned Harvard University from having foreign exchange students. Kristi said Harvard was a burning cauldron of anti-semetic violence and any foreign student who didn't leave would be deported. A court reversed the declaration the next day. 

 

Friday Trump woke up and announced a 50 percent tariff increase on all products from the European Union. In a statement to the press Fat Nixon said if they don't lower the price of pharmaceuticals we will raise the tariffs on automobiles and liquor. I don't understand that either. Trump also fired 5 of the 10 people on the National Security Council. Who needs 'em? The Federal Trade Commission is investigating the watchdog Media Matters because Elon Musk told them to. It seems Media reported that X was bleeding advertisers because of all the pro Nazi posts on the website. And "Melania" the audio book version is being released recorded by an AI generated voice. In it the Beautiful One describes her life and her collection of vibrators she's purchased since her marriage. 

Saturday Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath announced white supremacist pastor Doug Wilson is the new faith leader at the Pentagon. The God Fearing Alcoholic Rapist says he's the man for the job! Also on Saturday America's Greatest Hero Donnie Trump addressed the graduates of West Point. He gave them tips for life such as marry a smoking hot trophy wife and avoid all transgender people. "The military will no longer host drag shows!"

 

With all of that under our belts it was time for another Special Edition of "Meet The Press." May is Mental Health Awareness month. All of America is depressed and is too stupid to know it. 

First it was former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. He's got a new book. We are in an epidemic of loneliness. Everyone is lonely and that leads to dementia, stroke, smoking, and obesity. Just being depressed is the equivalent of smoking 15 Kool Filter Kings a day. Young people are lonely. Technology makes you lonely. We all should be around and talking to other people. Go to a laundromat. There's always some asshat there that won't shut up. We need to ban social media from anyone under the age of 16. We need community and family. Phone call for Charles Manson. 

Next was Patrick J Kennedy. He has a book, too. I hear the name Kennedy and politics and I think booze and sex. Bipolar people are all around. We should teach in school how to cope with stress. The highest amount of money spent for mental health in the military is in the Green Berets. I guess they learned from the Sergeant Barry Sadler story. We need to set back funds for mental health prevention because that would lower so many other problems. If you're self conscious avoid mirrors. Especially when you get out of the shower. The shocker for me was when he said smoking marijuana and gambling on sports leads to suicide. Shit! Am I dead and you cats haven't told me? Addictions and compulsive copying are terrible things. Example:29 CSI and Law and Order tv shows. Kennedy goes to a 12 step program meeting every day. Tell them I said hi. 

Finally it was Arthur Brooks, professor and author. He is the "Happiness Expert." Wow. I saw a woman this week on Drew Barrymore named Kimmay Caldwell and her title was "Bra Fitting Expert." No fooling. Happiness is more than a feeling. Wasn't that a Boston song? Happiness is 3 things. 1) Enjoying life 2) Having meaning in your life and 3) He didn't say and I was writing this down. Brooks is pals with Oprah Winfrey. Oprah is the coolest thing since Baja Blast Mountain Dew. She's more than just money. She's money and hairspray. We are here to lift other people up. In your prime you used to throw the bums a dime, didn't you? You can have faith without religion, but you can't have doughnuts without napkins. If you give a mouse a cookie he'll want a glass of milk. This mental health special was such an important conversation and I feel like going mental the rest of the day. The show ended with a commercial saying that one in ten men have penises that curve like bananas. I could have went all day without knowing that. 

NBC is now running ads announcing that Tom Llamas will be the new host of the Nightly News come June 2. He's an idiot. Last summer at the Republican Convention he said the screaming rant by Hulk Hogan was the most powerful moment of the week. And that is the state of broadcast news 2025. In the P Diddy trial last week there was testimony from a male exotic dancer called "The Punisher." 

 

Lazy in love, ugh, hugged by the rear seared
Weak in the knees me, seized by ill-ease me
No time for you, yeah, rip roar fandango

Lazy in love, I'm just lazy in love

~ Lydia Lunch ~