"Oh poor Christina. Poor poor Christina. Well, I'm sure Christina you think that you're pretty smart. But the reality is you are being completely brainwashed by whatever source of news you listen to. The facts are this. No one has lost their benefits. Criminals have lost it. Yes. Fraudsters have lost it. Yes. And illegal aliens have lost it. Yep! And if you wanna defend those people, you hate our country and you hate America." - Marjorie Traitor Greene, Georgia town hall meeting, 4-15-25
Last Sunday Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro's house was firebombed and set ablaze. There came no condemnation from Don Old Trump. Why? Shapiro is a Democrat and a Jew. Duh. Trump did go on at length about how much he enjoyed watching the Masters Golf Tournament, and that if you weren't a great golfer like him you couldn't appreciate it.
Last Monday began with the self proclaimed "coolest dictator in the world" Bukele Nayib from El Salvador visiting the White House. From the newly swap-meet decorated Oval Office he declared that Kilmar Abrego Garcia would never be released from Kristi Noem's Death Camp and Attorney General Pammy "Blonde Justice" Bondi was happy and presidential advisor Nosferatu Steven Miller called CNN reporter Kaitlin Collins arrogant and stupid. Trump told the dictator he would need to build 5 more prisons because we'd be sending him so many people. And the assembled sycophants in the audience laughed. When asked, Trump said yeah he'd send American citizens, too. Especially the bad ones who hit elderly women over the head with baseball bats. (Look it up) On Tuesday the new and improved Social Security Administration announced that from now on all information for recipients will be posted on Elon Musk's X. Looks like you'll have to subscribe! It was revealed that the hated government of China owns 1.2 trillion dollars in United States Treasury securities and Harvard University told Trump to pound sand. The school turned down 2 billion dollars in federal grants because they wouldn't submit to the government taking over student admissions and curriculum among other things. And to prove it wasn't playing favorites the White House banned all wire services, not just the Associated Press, from briefings and ceremonies.
Wednesday Pammy Bondi, flanked by the paid anti trans activist Riley "Isn't She Lovely" Gaines, announced the Justice Department is suing the state of Maine for ignoring Trump's Executive Order banning trans athletes from collegiate competition. Did you know the former athlete Riley gets paid 10 thousand dollars an appearance to condemn transsexuals? We call that a career in Trump's America. I'll come to your church for free and tell you why pro basketball sucks. I'd rather get stoned and watch bowling.
And on CNBC it was reported the two major businesses booming during Trump's Golden Age economy are private prisons and the newly unregulated crypto banking business. Invest wisely. It was discovered that all of the gold ornaments and decorations in the White House now were bought on our dime from Ali Baba discounters at pre-tariff prices. So, like Trump's religious beliefs, they aren't real.
Thursday Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell said Trump's tariffs will lead to inflation, lower the nation's GDP, and raise unemployment. And don't look for interest rates to go down. That didn't fly with Your Favorite President. He said he will tell Powell to quit and "he will." This, of course, is illegal but does Trump care? Does the Pope smoke dope? Ask David Peel.
At Florida State University a shooter killed 2 people and wounded 6 more. To the shock of all it wasn't a drag queen or an immigrant from the Congo that did the shooting. It was the son of the deputy sheriff. Guns don't kill people, but the AR 15 bought by the shooter's mother did. There is a difference.
And the Project 2025 author and Director of Budget and Management said he was sending to Capitol Hill the recommendation of cutting all funding to National Public Radio and the Public Broadcasting System. Russell Vought says they both promote liberal political views, disparage family values, and parade "drag queens on children's shows!" That's no drag queen. That's Christine Amanpour and she's not on until 10 pm.
Friday brought more great news as the pretend Secretary of State Minuscule Marco Rubio said he was sick of trying to make nice between Ukraine and Russia and he and Fearless Leader Trump were ready to throw in the towel. Famous quack TV doctor Mehmet Oz was sworn in as the new director of Medicare and Medicaid, and he has stated he intends to diminish and eliminate both. During the ceremony Oz's 6 year old relative in attendance passed out and collapsed to the floor. Trump was speaking but even that couldn't hide the sound of him passing gas which may have led to the reaction of the child. Press Secretary Sweet Karoline Leavitt told everyone to leave the room and RFK Jr stared into space.And in tribute to the 50th anniversary of Grand Funk Railroad's "Born To Die" album the FDA and USDA announced it will no longer carry out food production and packing plant inspections. I think I'll pass on the summer sausage, but you go right ahead.
A whistleblower had his life threatened after disclosing DOGE had hacked the computer files of the National Labor Relations Board, and then Russia tried a day later. Elon Musk, Big Balls, and the rest of the Teen Titans are up to their hijinks again. Saturday the Supreme Court on a 7-2 vote put Trump's flights to El Salvador on a 90 day pause, and a lower court found the Department of Justice in criminal contempt for ignoring its initial barring of their first round of flights. Dare they mess with ICE Barbie Kristi Noem? She's got an outfit for the occasion.
Today on Sunday is the day that Trump can declare the Insurrection Act based on Kristi and Drunken Hard On Petey Hegseth's advice. Stay tuned, don't sleep on this.
"Meet The Press" featured the Maryland Democratic Senator Chris Van Hollen who flew to El Salvador last week to meet with Kilmar Abrego Garcia. The prisoner was still alive, but he is still not being released. The MAGA shitstorm slander continues as Garcia is now a gang leader, a human trafficker, and a wife beater. And Trump had a poorly doctored photo of a MS 13 tattoo on Garcia's fingers. At least they spelled it right. The senator was attacked by the mother of Rachel Morin who lost her life to an illegal immigrant. Van Hollen said that was sad, but that man received a trial and conviction in the United States. Van Hollen was convinced the only reason he got to see Garcia was the pressure from the press and the attention the case was receiving. When asked what we as a country could do to fight this he gave this week's lamest answer. "Avoid business investments and vacations there." I guess I'm doing my share then. Are we in a constitutional crisis since Trump is ignoring court orders? Van Hollen says yes. It's way past that, but I'm not a scholar. Heartthrob California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom says our interest in Garcia is a distraction from the real issues America faces now. Newsom says we are playing into Trump's hands. Message to the presidential hopeful Newsom: Fuck You.
Next was what you, me, and all of America have been waiting for all week. It was an exclusive interview with Louisiana Republican Senator and Vanderbilt University graduate with a law degree from the University of Virginia John "Mr Haney" Kennedy . Use these phrases in your casual conversation this week : "Someday pigs may fly" "The Democrats have been saying that since God was a child" "I love it like the Devil loves sin" Garcia has been in court 18 times, run up 5 million dollars in legal fees, and "hasn't paid a dime!" And Kennedy called him a wife beater. It's okay to support rapists like Trump and Hegseth but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Will there be a budget agreement with the House, the Senate, and Trump? "We will go to the White House and have hugs and a cup of hot cocoa." I heard him say that and I wrote it down. Should we raise taxes on the Uber wealthy? That would be "class warfare." Should we send Americans to El Salvador? Nope. Should we get rid of Jerome Powell as head of the federal reserve? Nope. Will Trump ignore the rulings by the Supreme Court? Don't you worry your little pea pickin' head. Should Kennedy be on every week for comedy relief? Double plus Hell yeah! Thursday night on Sean Hannity's show on Fox RFK Jr said one in twelve boys in California are autistic.
Trump announced we would build an "Iron Dome" missile defense system similar to the one in Israel. The contract went to, are you ready, Elon Musk. Remember in the 1980s when Ronald "Where Am I" Reagan spent 60 billion dollars on the "Star Wars" Strategic Defense Initiative? What did that get us? And how much would that cost today? Back then you didn't have to apply for a loan to go eat at Arby's. And in science news Jeff Bezos' fiancee Lauren "Lips and Breasts" Sanchez, Gayle King, and Katy Perry went up in a Blue Origin rocket ship to spend 4 minutes outside Earth's atmosphere. Post useless indulgence Katy said "We're not taking up space. We're making up space."
And Gayle asked "Have you been in space?" No. But years ago I did watch the movie "Monster Zero" with Godzilla, Rodan, and Ghidorah the 3 Headed Monster while I was tripping my balls off on acid. That comes close.
Hold back, see what you miss of it.
Out of the shadows into the thick of it.
No maybes. No guessing.
I'm getting wound up. The plot sickens.
It's no time to be 21.
~ The Adverts ~
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