Labor Day was a treat for those among you tuning in to Newsmax to watch the chauvinistic and angry Greg Kelly but instead we're greeted by his holiday fill in. Coolest name ever: Johnny Tabacco! Basso profundo voice, a forehead to equal Lester Holt's, and a headful of Brylcreem! The lady's pet and the man's threat.
On Tuesday Bennie Netanyahu dropped the clutch and told the rest of the world, like Ron Howard in 1974, to eat my dust! No deals, no end to the war, sorry hostages, and the Gaza Strip is going to be as flat as Kansas when him and the boys are done. Brazil's Supreme Court banned X. A prison break in the Congo led to 129 dead and a new boatload of bloodthirsty savages are headed our way! Lock your doors. The stunningly beautiful Lara Trump released her third single "Hero." It's a soul stirring tribute to America's firefighters. I heard it and took one for the team. You can thank me later.
On Wednesday the ever annoying Fox "News" White House correspondent Peter "Stains" Doocey asked Press Secretary Karrin Jean-Pierre if Kamala Harris was faking a southern accent to fool voters. Jean-Pierre rolled her eyes and answered "Is that all you got?" Also on Wednesday there was big news from, wait for it, Liz and Dick. Not Taylor and Burton, but the Cheney's. The lifelong Republicans endorsed Kamala Harris citing their opinion that the Soggy Bottom Boy Donnie Trump should not even be allowed on the White House parking lot. This led to the headline for the week from the reliable David Feldman "War Criminals for Harris." It was announced by the weaponized Department of Justice that the RT Network (former home for Dennis Miller and William Shatner) and the Russian government spent 10 million dollars on a campaign interference scheme villainizing Ukraine and declaring the innocence of Vladimir Putin and his merry men. Podcasting jack offs Tim Pool, Dave Ruben, and Benny Johnson were paid $400,000 a month to spread Russian lies telling the US told drop all aid to Ukraine. In classic MAGA fashion the podcasters all claimed to be duped and the victims. But they still cashed the checks. Republican Senator Little Marco Rubio said there was no crime because Pool and the others already believed these things. No harm, no blood, no foul. Welcome to the home of the brave. Donnie also got a free hour of air time on Fox "News" and Sean Hannity let him blather for 49 minutes and the friendly crowd cheered at all the appropriate insults and threats to the Democrats and the press media. When he's elected Hulk will smash!
On Thursday it was announced that the long missed Tori Spelling will be on "Dancing With the Stars" this fall. The nation sighed in relief. On October first the federal government will run out of money and Donnie has told the GOP not to pass any spending bills. You see that will prove the government doesn't work and only he can fix it. On Friday your favorite tycoon and genius Elon Musk posted on X that former Clinton economic advisor Robert Reich was a "miniature wanker." I want that on a tee shirt. (Christmas gift?) And VD Vance told a campaign crowd that after the mass shooting in Georgia last week it was time for America to accept it as a fact of life and provide all schools with more police. Georgia, the home of Margorie Traitor Greene and the Georgia Bulldogs (48-3 winners over the Tennessee Tech Golden Eagles yesterday). Every time Vance opens his mouth I have new material.
Triple header day on this week's "Meet the Press." First Georgia Democratic Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock faced the moderator Kristen Welker and here we go. Do we need more gun laws? Friday we should have been attending high school football games but instead we were at prayer meetings. The US is the home of routine violence. Buy your teenage nutjob an AR 15! We average 2 mass shootings a day. We've had one new gun safety law in 30 years.He would not answer Kristen's question on Kamala backing a background check for gun buyers. But remember, Trump insists it's all about the border, baby!
Next it was the quintessential man of the people Independent Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. He's like you and me. He owns 4 houses. Bernie would prefer a 60 per cent tax rate on millionaires, but he'll accept Kamala's 28 per cent. What about Kamala being wooed by big tech moguls like Mark Cuban? She's being pragmatic. The US spends 2 times as much on health care than any other nation in the world, but we still suck. Bernie's in favor of the child tax credit and the 3 million new housing units Kamala's proposing. But Bernie told Kristen we must never let Diaper Donnie darken our futures again.
Finally it was the millionaire governor of North Dakota Republican Doug Burgum. I still have all my hair, but if I had a mane like Doug Burgum I'd be the cat's pajamas. He was a contender to be Trump's VP pick, but he lost to VD Vance. I wouldn't want that on my resume. But he'd be a great model for the Hair Club for Men. First they rolled a compilation of Trump's insults on Kamala. "She's a bum. She's stupid. I'm better looking than her. She's nasty." But Burgum said "No tax on tips!" I may return to dancing! He tried to explain Trump's plan to pay for child care by putting tariffs on Chinese imports, but he fell about 165 feet short of the home run. North Dakota's big soybean industry would be killed by reverse foreign tariffs, but Burgum said they just needed more processing plants. That was over my head. Doug's entire STP coated slickness reminded me of the escape artist Scott Free in the "Mr Miracle" comic books by Jack Kirby. He was in favor of purging the voter rolls to ensure fewer people participating in order to maintain the "free and fair" mantra being pushed by Trump. You know, if he loses again it was rigged. You will hear that for the next 58 days. Sorry.
This Tuesday will be the great two person debate at 8 pm CDT. The tale
of the tape: Trump 6 foot 4, Kamala 5 foot 0. Will Trump stalk her like
he did Hillary in the 1996 debate, like a creep at a bar? Grab beverages
and finger foods. The previews for the new "Golden Bachelorette" are
airing and I'm not saying she's had some face-lifts, but when she does
sit down her eyes close. And in the upcoming Battle of the Commercial
Yellers it's the inimitable John Toon hawking Pooph versus the screaming
Joy Mangano saying "Clean Boss" at banshee like levels every 7 seconds.
Enjoy.
There was Moses and me when the wind took the change
He hands out the menu and he moves out of range
If you knew the action you'd see you're so blind
Play with your own life but don't play with mine
~ The Headboys ~
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