"If
you hook up with a porn star during shark week do you need to bring
batteries?" - Cliff Schecter
Last week may have set a record for stupid
people saying stupid things, insane events occurring around the world,
and the raid on Sean Combs' Batcave finding one thousand bottles of
lubricant. And you thought people buying cases of pork and beans in
preparation for Y2K was weird.
After the doofus who was staking out
Donnie Trump at his golf course was caught last
Sunday the usual gang of idiots came out to opine. Elise "The Little
Ball of Hate" Stefanik demanded that Congress should have a full
investigation into this matter. She failed to mention that her husband
is the leading lobbyist for gun manufacturers in America. He is against
background checks and advocates open carry. Trump's golf course is
flanked by an airport, a prison, a nudie bar, and a gun shop.
Springfield, Ohio was invaded not by Haitians, but by the Proud Boys,
the Blood Tribe, and neo nazis passing out "All Haitians Must Leave"
flyers. The lady who began the story told NBC News that she was sorry,
and she had to pull her daughter out of school. She said she had heard
it from a friend who had heard it from a friend. Wasn't that an REO
Speedwagon song? And REO officially broke up last week! And not a decade
too soon. DJT/Truth Social disclosed that it has lost 9.8 billion
dollars to date and as of Saturday it's now trading at 13 bucks a share.
That's what they call redlining in the Wall Street Journal.
Michigan
hosted a town hall for Trump and the moderator was Sarah "Ozempic"
Huckabee Sanders. Sarah told the crowd that her children keep her
humble. She then said that Kamala Harris isn't humble because she has
step children and that's not the same. And she was frowning while she
said it. The editor of the National Review, Richard Lowry, was on Megyn
"FU Taylor Swift" Kelly's televised podcast and said "Haitian
niggers...immigrants."
On Tuesday and Wednesday agents of Hezbollah
operating in Lebanon had their pagers and walkie talkies explode by
remote control, killing over 20 and injuring over 2000. Israel denied
any involvement and instead blamed Barney from the Impossible Missions
Force. Trump posted AI generated photos of P Diddy canoodling with
Kamala.
Thursday court filings were released accusing Florida Republican
Matt "Max Headroom" Gaetz of drugging and having intercourse with a 17
year old girl. And there are witnesses. Remember MAGA is the party of
family values. And the round mound of sound North Carolina Republican
Gubernatorial Candidate Mark Robinson was exposed by CNN for posting on a
sex chat site some eye popping quotes. "I'm a black nazi" "Slavery is
not a bad idea. I'd buy some myself" "I don't care about celebrity
abortions, I just want to see the sex tapes" Trump calls this fine
individual "Martin Luther King on steroids."
The Republican State
Legislature voted this week to only allow hand counting of ballots so if
you expected to wake up on November 6th and know who won the presidency
think again. This will set things back one or two weeks, at least. Mr. Haney will be in charge, with co chairs Sam Drucker, Fred Ziffel, and
Newt Kiley.
Today we celebrated the one year anniversary of Kristen
Welker as host of "Meet The Press." I ate a Tasty Cake peanut butter
cupcake in honor. First up was fashion plate Pennsylvania Democratic
Senator Jonh Fetterman. From the background it appeared that he was in a
brick chimney. He was asked why if Kamala leads in polling then why
don't Pennsylvanians feel they're getting ahead. He didn't answer the
question. Should we judge people by who they endorse? Fetterman
responded with a cheap shot that the pervert Mark Robinson was the ideal
Republican candidate. VD Vance says Trump has been targeted twice so
how come no one has tried to kill Kamala and Tim Walz? Fetterman says
who the hell listens to that idiot Vance? Trump says if he loses the
election it will be all the fault of the Jews. Fetterman said why are
we talking about this? Why have Kamala and himself changed their
opinions about the legality and benefits of fracking? Fetterman didn't
answer that question either. He was on for 10 minutes and revealed
absolutely nothing. I think he's mastered the art of being a politician.
Next was "Meet the Press" mainstay Lindsey Graham. During the interview
there was no mention of the vivacious Laura Loomer calling him gay. He
was asked about that nutty Mark Robinson and he said Mark should defend
himself. He would not comment on Trump's endorsement of the man who says
women should keep their skirts up. Lindsey went to Nebraska last week
to encourage that state to change their presidential vote to winner take
all. That would ensure Trump the victory in that state. Clever how they
work to change the rules 6 weeks before the election. Lindsey then
insulted Democrat Chuck Schumer and called Iran the Great Satan. Graham
then said Trump will end the war in Ukraine and that Kamala is a bitch.
Same old Lindsey. He ended the interview yelling, just like Jimi Hendrix
always ended with either "Foxy Lady" or "Purple Haze." In heaven there
is no beer, and there are no answers on " Meet The Press."
Bailey Welch
who made TicToc fame by saying the way to perform a knob shine was to
go "hawk tuah and spit on that thing" has quit her job at the mattress
spring factory. She now has a podcast. She's had 3 episodes. I've
listened to 2 of them. Now you won't have to. "The Golden Bachelorette"
debuted last week to its lowest ratings ever in the franchise. But all
is not lost because this week "Crime Scene
Kitchen" returns.
Starfish of human blood shape
The tentacles of human gore
Spread out on the pavement from the 99th floor
Well, somebody said he jumped
But we know he was pushed
And he was just like you might have been
On the 99th floor of a suicide machine
~ Hawkwind ~
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