It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 August 25

Eeny meenie chili beanie. The spirits are about to speak. But are they friendly spirits? Put on your shoulder pads, let's go. The feel good story of the week was West Virginia Republican State Senator Mike Maroney. The chairman of the Health and Human Resources Committee was caught live and on video masturbating while playing a video poker machine in a convenience store. The congressman told reporters he only expects the court to give him a slap on the wrist.

While dancing the macarena and singing "Love For Sale" the man who gargles with razor blades, Robert F Kennedy, bailed out of the presidential race Friday and endorsed the Soggy Bottom Boy Donnie Trump. Funny, a week ago he called Kamala Harris and offered his endorsement for a cabinet post. Kamala did not return the call. Well, he showed that bitch.

Kennedy brings with him his 2 percent of the vote and his belief that masking children during the pandemic led to permanent developmental disabilities. DM me and tell me what in a can of potted meat product that means. 

Trust fund baby Timothy Mellon put his money on both ends of the see-saw and gave 50 million dollars to Trump and 25 million to RFK Jr this cycle so he's bundled his coverage. Think of the cat wearing two condoms just in case!

And what a Democratic National Convention we had last week. It was a battle of the network stars. The RNC had Hulk Hogan, Kid Rock, Marjorie Traitor Greene, and Donnie Jr. The DNC had Stevie Wonder, John Legend, Sheila E (hadn't seen her in 40 years), and Oprah Winfrey. The definitive low light of the convention was Senator Cory Booker introducing comedian Keenan Thompson. Booker has no chance in hell of becoming the next Don Cornelius. But it was four nights of back slapping happiness as the coronation of the Cinderella Story of 2024 continued unabated.

 

During the in with the new out with the old show and dance the most compelling speech made was by Michelle "Hated by Glenn Beck" Obama. Her evisceration of Donnie Trump was as devastating as anything you have ever seen and heard in your life. The knockout punch to Trump of him receiving the "affirmative action of generational wealth" landed like Lennox Lewis' on the mug of Mike Tyson. 

The MAGA Party flailed all week to counter the Democratic media blitz. Among the losers : the blatant racism of Megyn Kelly on X, the cruelty of Ann Coulter mocking Tim Walz' 14 year old son, and the idiocy of Jesse Watters to call Barack Obama the godfather of the Democratic party for the next 25 years and demanding to see Obama's real birth certificate. And for those of you lacking in conspiracies go no further than Senator Ron Johnson and Representative James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer insisting that Walz' 3 months of teaching in 1994 in China means that he is a sleeper agent for the China Communist Party. Walz got married on the anniversary of Tiananmen Square! By silverfish emparatrix whose incorrupt eyes sees through the charms of doctors and their wives. 

It was 9 am this morning and anticipation was high for our weekly dose of Kristen Welker and "Meet The Press." The first bronco out of the chute was Silicon Investment Banker and Ivy League Shillbilly VD Vance. Are you ready? Trump's national income tax would cost Joe or Jane Average 4 thousand dollars a year? No, tariffs bring back jobs! Trump's previous tariffs cost us 80 billion? No, they punish importers. Economists say this and that. We are dependent on China for too much. So four years ago when we couldn't get Charmin that was China's fault? RFK Jr jumping on the Trump Train will bring back the old racist Blue Dog Democrats from the 1950s and 60s! How many of those are still breathing? Is that broadening the Trump base? How about that federal abortion ban threat? Hey, we run and hide under our state's rights blanket! You can't catch me! The Department of Homeland Security say we have 8 million illegal immigrants. VD and Trump say we have 25 million and it's all Kamala's fault! She's the first and worst ever Border Czar. VD has no regrets about his "sarcastic" lonely cat lady jokes, and limiting a woman's right to choose gives them more choices. Explain that to me. Trump tells people that he doesn't need their votes that he just needs to make sure that they're all fair and legal. Okay JD, it was great to see you for 20 minutes. 

Then for a whopping 8 minutes it was Massachusetts Democratic Senator Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren. (Nickname courtesy the adjudicated rapist Donnie) Trump can say what he wants but if a bill comes to his desk he will outlaw all abortions. Project 2025 tells it all. They will invoke the dreaded Comstock Act and every form of contraceptives will be outlawed. When it comes to tariffs the country needs to pick and choose like the menu at Applebee's. Tariffs are like tools in the box, not a one size fits all shithammer. What about the overnight strikes by Israel on Hezbollah? Elizabeth tippy toed around that and said the same "release all hostages/ two state solution" answer that you, me, and Sammy who lives next door are sick of hearing. Things are not going to change, and Benjamin Netanyahu meeting with Trump at Mar-A-Lago only makes things worse. And it's unconstitutional. Look up the Logan Act. Explain to all of us again the International Rules of War. 

People magazine released opinion polls last week and there was a tie for the most overused phrases in America with "kitchen table issues" and "game changer." But in a runaway winner for most hated celebrity in tv commercials it was Rashida Jones for her Citibank credit card commercials where she orgasms in the vibrating recliner or reaches over the other customer for the final veggie plate on the restaurant conveyor belt. 

I never thought that I would find myself
In bed amongst the stones
The columns are all men begging to crush me
No shapes sail on the dark deep lakes
And no flags wave me home

In the caves all cats are grey 

~ The Cure ~