A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty HI-Yo Silver! Return with us now to those golden days of yesteryear. After a two week Olympic hiatus "Meet The Press" rides again! More on that later. Let's take a look first at the hilarity that was last week.
On Monday VD Vance called the Democrats a party of "bullies and
intimidators".
On Tuesday after a 45 minute delay Elon "Wyle E Coyote"
Musk gave the X microphone to Donnie "Soggy Bottom
Boy" Trump to spew the fire-hose of bs and crap for 2 hours. Trump
slurred his words and many compared his voice to that of Sylvester the
Cat.
On Wednesday Musk used artificial intelligence to clean up the
incoherent audio, but the content was still the same. Attack is not what
Trump lacks. Elon says he sees Trump as the path to prosperity and
Kambabla as the highway to Hell. On Wednesday Trump lashed out at Time
magazine. He said their cover portrait of Kamala tried to make her look
as beautiful as Melania. You remember Melania, don't you? America's Lady
in Waiting for the divorce settlement. Anchorman and sexual assaulter
Greg Kelly said on Newsmax that one (1) billion people listen to Trump's
2 hour tirade. He then stated that his winkie can make balloon animals.
On Thursday the wonderful actress Gena Rowlands passed away at the age of
94. Go find "Gloria" on your movie channel and dig a really good film.
Cover Girl makeup king (Number 9 Doc Savage Bronzer) declared an
emergency press conference at his Bedminster golf course for that
afternoon to discuss the Democratic Party's courting of anti semitism.
This is the same golf course where wife number one is buried, unmowed
and with no headstone. And how do you spell love?
Surprisingly, the setting was all grocery items for props. Jews were not mentioned once, but it was great to see Trump surrounded by cans of Maxwell House coffee, Hydrox cookies, Lucky Charms, and Johnsonville Brats. Are you ready for what he said? Electric trucks will weigh too much for our highways and all our roads and bridges will have to be replaced! Every American will make $48,000 less a year if Kambabla is elected! The Inflation/Reduction Act was the worst thing since DierecTv lost the NFL Sunday Ticket! Victor Orbon the autocratic dictator of Hungary is a great, brutal ruler because he wants Trump to win and be Vladimir Putin's bellhop! Every policeman in America has endorsed Mango Mussolini and they love his campaign slogan of "Shoot to Kill!" Trump's quote of the day was " I have no respect for Kamala or her intelligence." His cure for rising grocery prices is to drill, baby drill and arrest every person who has brown skin and send them to Argentina and the Congo! Only blonde Slavic fashion models need apply! Who loves ya baby!
And it was the first press conference I've seen in my 67 years of avid tv viewing that had a partisan rooting section. They cheered at his every insult and lie and he thanked them every time. This was not a press conference. This was a greatest hits concert.
On Friday Kamala issued her first economic policy statement and it was a Supermarket Sweep grab bag of something for everybody policies. Affordable housing, price caps on groceries, tax credits on families, and with no explanations on how these would be passed and paid for. The non partisan office on economics reported that these plans would add 1.7 trillion dollars to the deficit. "We will get the uber wealthy to pay their fair share!" " But Bullwinkle, that trick never works!" Close, but no bag of Tootsie Rolls on this scheme.
VD Vance continued his winning streak by issuing a statement that said post menstrual women should confine themselves to being nurturing grandmothers. Let's hear the Residents play their epic song "Shut Up! Shut Up!"
And on Saturday Trump told a crowd of 1500 in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania that not only is he a "very calm person" but he is also much better looking than Kamala. And who, who wouldn't agree?
Today was the aforementioned return of "Meet The Press" and not a moment too soon. Chuck Schumer Democratic Majority Leader couldn't make his scheduled appearance today due to one too many Mickey's Big Mouths last night so it was straight to Michigan Democrat Governor Gretchen Whitmer. Hey, she's written a new book! Great! Here we go. Uncle Joe is a historic president and Kamala should not sweep him under the floor mat. She ignored the questions on price gouging and health care as adroitly as Tucker Carlson on "So You Think You Can Dance." Trump says universal health care is a Communist policy! Gretchen says any effort is a good effort. That's my approach to housecleaning. VP Nominee Tim Walz says undocumented immigrants should get driver's licenses, health care, and college tuitions.. Gretchen says Tim is being pragmatic. What the fuck does that mean? Does Sammy Beer Belly want to see Venezuelans stealing their jobs at the rock factory, guzzling Coronas, and driving Camaro Z-28s while wolf whistling at their daughters? Ya think? How does Gretchen think we should deal with the expected 20 thousand Palestinian protesters at the Democratic Convention this week? "Let's have discussions." Well color me nebulous! Thanks Gretchen!
Next was the perpetual bachelor and Lucky Tiger Hair Wax model Lindsay Graham. We haven't seen him in a minute. How's the campaign going? Kamala is a lunatic and a communist! Lindsay then laughed at host Kristen Welker and said the word bullshit into the mic. Lindsay declared that Trump is a policy genius. What about tariffs on foreign goods? Lindsay says if you impose tariffs on us we will do the same to you. Some have suggested that this could add 80 billion dollars to American consumers' costs and Lindsay did an Olympic quality electric slide breakdance maneuver and said " this will change behaviors!" Lindsay then sidestepped the usual abortion questions by saying they weren't important. We will thread the needle on that thorny issue and just like the Civil War state's rights are the cat's pajamas. He went on to say that VD Vance is a real gone daddy, and that you deter China by spanking Russia. And the cheaper by the dozen answer to the turmoil in the Middle East is ( ta-da!) : Hopes and Prayers! God bless Lindsay and please go away! Pass me another of those fully packed filtered cigarettes.
Later on when the shades are gone
I'm going to ask you a question.
Do I wanna stay psycho no matter if I live or die?
It sure is tempting.
~ Golden Earring ~
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