If heartaches were pennies I'd be a millionaire. You say to-may-toe I say to-mah-toe. You say debate I say debacle. Last Thursday night Uncle Joe Biden folded like Roberto Duran versus Sugar Ray Leonard. America has not witnessed a choke like this since Los Angeles Dodger pitcher Tom Niedenfuer served up the ultimate meatball pitch to Ozzie Smith in the 1985 playoff series victory game. Before the "debate" every right wing media talking head (a tip of the hat to the 3 largest asshats in America Sean Hannity, Jesse "Sexual Harasser" Watters, and Greg "I'm really funny" Gutfeld) said that old Motorhead Joe would be on drugs. Unfortunately for them it wasn't speed it was Seconal. In a performance as lame as Richard Burton in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" Uncle Joe stared into space, kept his jaw wide open, and free associated topics like he was auditioning to be the new Captain Beefheart. Joe made no sense at all, but he did call the Soggy Bottom Boy Donnie Trump a liar 3 times.
Throughout the 97 minutes of Hell the adjudicated rapist Donnie rolled his eyes, smirked, and dumped into his diapers. For proof listen to the audio tape at 116:40 picked up by the state of the art microphone. I wouldn't lie to you unless we were playing poker. As it is my job I took count of Trump's lies. He had 39 in an hour and a half. Democrats murder babies after they come out of the womb, America had the greatest economy in its history when he was in charge, and the greatest quote ever in election history "I didn't have sex with a porn star." Well that's good to know. It reminds me of the great Rodney Dangerfield joke "I had a threesome last night. I used both hands."
So now the panic has set in for the Democratic party, Uncle Joe has to go. Great! 160 days until the election. Who? Kamala? A black woman for president? Are you nuts? Gavin "Hollywood" Newsome? To say the least the bench is very thin for the Democrats. On the flip side look at the Republicans. Their candidate is a convicted swindler, rapist, and adulterer. Where is Alfred E. Nueman when we need him?
So after this thrill packed week it was time this morning for "Meet The Press." The gorgeous mother of two Kristen Welker was back and once again she proved to be as lame as William Shatner's cock in a porn film. The first guest was the Pastor and Senator Raphael Warnock, Democratic from Georgia. Being a Democrat from Georgia is like being a narc at a biker rally. He was as boring as a "Joanie Loves Chachi" marathon. Here we go. Donnie Trump is a turd. Trump is a congenital liar. Uncle Joe is not a pussy. Politics ain't fantasy football. Trump is a "malignant narcissist." And this election is all about kitchen table issues. Not to sound like an idiot, but the only kitchen table issue I ever had was where the fuck is the Heinz Chili Sauce? But I'm not like other cats.
Next was the Donnie Trump sperm gargling Governor of North Dakota Doug Burgum. As a person who appreciates looks and fashion let me state objectively that Doug's hair is as good as Don Johnson's in the 4th season of "Miami Vice." Trump will win the election. Hillary Clinton is a bitch. Uncle Joe Biden is a dictator. Joe is incompetent, and the election is not fair if Trump doesn't win! Abortion is a state's right issue, and Donnie Trump is Jesus with a boner. What a clown Doug Burgum is. We might as well have George Lindsey as vice president.
Evil Edna she wore sequins to the funeral
Looked just like a gypsy
Never shed a tear
Everybody said she looked just like a hooker
Everyone mistook her
For the loser of the year
Still the voices of the prophets
Tell us we should be just so
Edna didn't care
Edna did not know
~ Bob Seger ~
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