I'm going to buy myself a new suit of clothes and a brand new tie just to blow my nose. Last Monday your Supreme Court decided to overrule 248 years of American law and declare that Presidents have the divine right of kings. From hence on any arm twisting, extortion, tax evasion, and raping of women in public shopping stores is legal as long as you are President. If it's an official action. There's your gossamer thread. Where you draw the line? In a typical John Roberts led Supreme Court they tossed the Hamm's beer can out of the window and said it was up to each individual judge in a case to decide if the action by the defendant applies. Gosh, Batman! I wonder what the bought and paid for Eileen Cannon in Florida will rule in the stolen documents?. I see your 25 cents and bump it 25 cents.
Last Tuesday your favorite mayor Rudy Giuliani was stripped of his law license in the state of New York. Just because he lied under testimony about election fraud in Georgia? Don't forget his secretary told the world that he would drink Jack Daniel's and take Viagara pills every morning and demanded a knob shine while he talked on the phone because "it made him feel like Bill Clinton." After the human liver spot Steve "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" Bannon went to prison for 4 grueling months for defying a Congressional supeana Donnie "Soggy Bottom Boy" Trump said Uncle Joe Biden will pay a heavy price. My only advice to the conspiratorial Bannon is hey pal don't drop the soap. You know what they say about lonely men and sheep.
On Wednesday the rats fled the sinking Titanic as Democratic Representative from Texas Lloyd Doggett declared that Motorhead Joe should drop out of the race. This asshat was all over teevee and it was the highlight of his life. Think of Jimmy Cagney in "White Heat." "Hey Ma! Look at me! I'm on top of the world!" four other Democrats fell in line and now they are seriously thinking of having an audition to replace Biden, kind of like when Alex Trebek passed and they needed a new host for "Jeopardy." Do any of you swingers remember Aaron Rodgers week?
On Thursday the previously sealed Jeffrey "Jailbait" Epstein client list was revealed at the behest of Florida Governor Ron "Little Hitler" DeSantis and guess what? Mushroom winkie Donnie "You like it" Trump flew to the private island 7 times to have sex with 16 year old girls. But the Christian right wing still believes he's the Second Coming. No pun intended.
And also on the 4th of July former nude model and First Lady Melania Trump was selling faux gold necklaces for 500 dollars a pop on the internet. To no one's surprise they looked exactly like the ones she sold last year at Christmas. I guess she needs spare change for Grey Goose vodka and Newports.
Then last Friday we witnessed the over hyped and underwhelming interview by George Stepanapoulas and Motorhead Joe on ABC on a Friday night. To say the most it was the least. When asked about his dismal performance at the "debate" a week earlier he did his rendition of Led Zeppelin's "Nobody's Fault But Mine" ("Presence" elpee, song one side two). Joe was defiant and rambunctious as Rowdy Roddy Piper in "They Live." He invoked the name of our Lord six times. You'll have to drag Joe out by the ears to make him leave this race. When asked about his future he went on and on (like Steven Bishop) about his past. He called Donnie Trump a congenital liar four times. It was 22 minutes of more reasons to question his ability to lead this country through dangerous times. But our alternative is the mad shitter Trump? Intercourse me running.
Well to start the new week it was "Meet The Press." Kristen Welker was back post new baby, and she was looking razor sharp in pink and white like Sonny Crockett in a 1984 "Miami Vice." Our first guest was California Democratic Representative Adam Schiff. Don't forget the rapist Donnie "Mushroom Penis" Trump called him "Shifty." To say that Adam is a compelling figure is to say that Meghan Thee Stallion is a transformational talent. Schiff said this election is existential. I immediately played the Cure doing "All Cats Are Grey." The only knowledge that he blurted out three times in a 12 minute interview was that he called Donnie "I'm hot for my daughter" Trump a son of a bitch. Cue up Nazareth "Hair of the Dog."
Batting second in the lineup was the trust fund baby J.D. Vance. He's a Republican Senator from Ohio who 8 years ago called Donnie "Big Macs and toilet paper" Trump America's Hitler but is now begging to be the vice president under the convicted rapist. He was on for 15 minutes and he said the same old dung. If Trump isn't president it was rigged. "Free and fair!" He also said the great falsehoods that babies are killed at birth and that people with no IDs are allowed to vote. The only compliment I can give to J.D. is that no male has worn eyeliner better than him since Freddie Mercury.
A God Speed shout out to my lifelong pal Randy Stewart. He passed last week. He was smarter than me, he knew more about music than me, he loved the St. Louis Cardinals, and he had an unparalleled sense of humor. We have lost a great human being.
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