To dream the impossible dream. To beat the unbeatable foe. All the ducks were in a row and at 4:20 pm Eastern Daylight time Thursday the jurors in New York city announced they had reached a verdict. Your Favorite President Donnie "Mushroom" Trump batted 1.000 and went 34 for 34 on guilty felony charges. Flanked by his 2 moronic sons Dickweed Junior and "No lips" Eric and the daughter you never see Tiffany, Donnie heard the news. Of course he responded by giving the jurors his famous stink eye stare-down as they left the courtroom. He then told the press that the country is going to Hell and this was an attack on our constitution. The same constitution he has said he would get rid of if elected and declare martial law. If it happened to Donnie it could happen to you. Really? Much as I would like to claim otherwise I've never run for president, nor have I slipped the weasel to a pornographic actress, and then used campaign funds to buy her silence on the eve of the election.
All week the despicable heads on Fox "News" and Newsmax (ya gotta love that permanently angry Greg Kelly) kept pushing the false narrative that the prosecution never stated what the crime was. Duh, has no one heard that falsifying financial records for purposes of committing election fraud is a crime? In the defense's final argument crackerjack lawyer Todd Blanche stated "Every election plan is a conspiracy." That logic is stunningly ridiculous. He also called Michael Cohen a liar 45 times in his closing statement. I counted. While the judge Juan Marchan read the jury their instructions Donnie reportedly fell asleep again and his head tilted back and his mouth gaped open. What a smooth operator!
After the verdict was released the MAGA foot solders flooded the airwaves. The usual chowder-heads all declared this was a travesty of justice and that the end was nigh. J.D. Vance. Little Marco Rubio, Mike Lee, and constitutional scholar Moses Mike Johnson all said the gloves were off. The former White House Press Advisor and now full time nutcase Kayleigh McEnamy announced that Uncle Joe Biden should do the patriotic thing and pardon Donnie of this crime and all other pending court cases. Are you kidding me? The world's worst attorney Alina Habba declared that Barrack Obama was behind this entire court case. The man behind the curtain!
Kristen Welker gave birth to her second child last week so Peter Alexander pinch hit on "Meet The Press" this week. And what a lineup it was. First was the original pencil neck Arkansas Republican Senator Tom Cotton. It always cracks me up that every Republican who appears on a news program is pissed off. And Tom has got a bee in his bonnet. First, Trump's not guilty. The judge donated to Biden's campaign in 2020. Cotton didn't mention it was only 15 dollars, but that's not the point. Hunter Biden is a criminal. Cotton is all in on the GOP platform of revenge and payback. Hillary Clinton should be breaking rocks in the hot sun. Trump will win in a landslide, and then Uncle Joe will be prison bound. Cotton will verify the election with the usual caveat "As long as it's free and fair." There were many fine and decent people involved in the January 6 riot. Would he accept the Vice Presidential nomination from Trump? He answered with a definitive "Ehh..."
Next up was House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. At any point I halfway expected him to break out in a spiel for the $9.95 a month life insurance plan from Colonial Penn. He's the type of cat who, if he had no hands, couldn't talk. Does Hakeem believe Trump has raised 52 million dollars since Thursday? Sure, and just go ahead and give the lifetime achievement Oscar to Dolph Lundgren. Should Uncle Joe be allowed to comment on Hunter's upcoming gun related trial? Hell yeah, daddy-o! When Hakeem was asked his opinion on the increasingly strident Bennie Netanyahu he tossed a word salad as vapid as a Jimmy Fallon monologue. Why has Biden's support among black men dwindled? Who am I he answered. Teresa Caputo? (Seer of spirits and the queen of hairspray) All in all Hakeem is a well spoken young man and as exciting as a Carry On film marathon.
Last and certainly least was former New York City District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. To say he didn't answer a single question would be giving him too much credit. He refused to comment on any pending court cases and sentencing. But he did go out on a limb and said he doubts if Trump spends any time in the big house. Which is a shame, but it does give a break to the other prisoners. To my knowledge prisons aren't that well ventilated. On Memorial Day the Mango Mussolini posted on Truth Social that he wanted all of the "human scum" that oppose him to have a good day. He oozes sincerity and he sweats butter.
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito refused to recuse himself from any cases that involve Trump, even after he flew his American Flag upside down in support of the insurrectionists. Hey, it was his wife's idea! Just like his/hers Philadelphia Phillies flag. And I studied for the wrong test.
The French Open finals will be on next Sunday so there will be no "Meet The Press." Do not fear. This bureau works 7 days a week. I'll be here. Yes, they reached a verdict at 4:20. I hope you caught that drug reference.
Now you see me, now I'm gone
This has only just begun
Take a bow and drink a toast
Know who can hurt me the most
I expect no favors and I get no gratitude
You can catch me in the mood
~Any Trouble~
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