It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 February 11

On Saturday evening the stain that won't go away Donnie "I wouldn't rape her, she's not my type" Trump said that Vladimir Putin should invade any NATO nation that was behind on it's financial dues.

A week ago on "Face The Nation" the only male senator to wear eyeliner, Republican JD Vance, said that if he had been vice president in 2020 he would have overturned the election and declared Diaper Donnie the winner. He went on to say that any Supreme Court decisions he disagreed with he would ignore. I guess he has coconuts in his blue jeans. 

Tuesday was a busy day last week as first an appellate Court in DC ruled 3-0 that America's Caesar Trump did not have blanket immunity for all of his alleged crimes. 2 Democrats and 1 Republican combined to pitch the shutout. Also Nikki "The Velvet Hammer" Haley lost the Nevada Presidential primary to, you guessed it, the famous None Of The Above choice. In her concession speech she congratulated Nobody for his/her/its victory and stated that she would bravely soldier on. 

The courageous Republicans in the House followed their marching orders from Elvis lookalike Donnie "Mussolini" Trump and rejected the bill from the Senate to beef up security at the southern border. Then under the whipsmart leadership of Moses Mike Johnson failed to impeach Homeland Security Director Alejandro Mayorkas. The vote was 2 shy of enough to pass with Texas Democratic Representative Al Green ( not THAT Al Green) showing up as the clock ran out to tilt the outcome. This of course sent tantric sex guru Marjorie Traitor Greene into an Iggy Pop screaming frenzy. First she accused the Democrats of cheating and then claiming that all who voted to retain Mayorkas had been bribed. You can cure acne but you can't cure stupidity. 

On Thursday the bought and paid for Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the Colorado ruling to remove Leatherface Trump from the presidential ballot on the grounds that he violated the 14th Amendment. Trump's mouthpiece argued that January 6th was not an insurrection but instead it was a riot. You say tomato and I say, uh, tomato. The smart money says the Court will rule in favor of the convicted rapist because they are bought and paid for. The answer to every question is money. Who bought your Mercedes? Not Joe Blow. 

And the Special Counsel appointed by Attorney General Merrick Garland announced that Uncle Joe Biden would not be charged in the case of his storing classified documents in his garage next to his Corvette and his Troy Bilt lawnmower. But the Republican Robert Hur who was in charge of the investigation added with a twist of the knife that Uncle Joe was an old man who had no memory whatsoever. There's nothing like "Old and In The Way" for a campaign slogan! 

The all but forgotten Tucker Carlson interviewed Vladimir Putin last week for 2 hours and no one gave a shit. 

It was a triple header this week on "Meet The Press." First up was the aforementioned Homeland Security Director Alejandro Mayorkas and boy was he a fascinating chap. Number one is that Uncle Joe Biden is as razor sharp as the Earl Slick Band used to be. Number two is that Biden has kicked out more immigrants in 3 years than hot for teacher Trump did in 4 years. And finally the remain in Mexico policy is not coming back because Mexico has told the world they don't want them either. 

Next up in the less than hot seat was Biden campaign co-chairman Mitch Landrieu. If you had just walked into the room you would swear he was Joe DeRita from the final incarnation of the Three Stooges. He told host Kristen Welker to shut up twice, and that any comments saying Uncle Joe was senile were " a bucket of bullshit." Yeah baby! Swing for the fences! After being shown the NBC poll that 76 percent of Americans think Joe is cookoo for Coco Puffs he said that if Biden was any smarter he would be declared the all time Grand Wizard of Jeopardy. 

Finally it was the round mound of sound Chris Christie. Your Hamlet joke of the week: Christie is not the Danish King, but he is the king of danishes! (Stolen joke from the great David Feldman) Christie said his only reason to stay alive is to make sure Trump does not get back in the White House. He said the greatest security threat in our country is the Orange Jesus. But he added that he could not vote for Uncle Joe either because his train is off the track. I guess he is joining the vast majority of Americans who are pulling the lever for our pal None of the Above. 

In other news 8 artists were named to be eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Besides their usual snub of Freddie and the Dreamers, the most notable nominee was the woman with one name, Cher. Obviously her song "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" was a watershed for modern music and led to even more socially relevant songs. And the great Darius Rucker was arrested last week on charges of DUI. After boring fans worldwide with hackneyed adult contemporary and country music he announced his new album release for this summer will be an exciting reggae/polka mix. Buy that legal marijuana now in anticipation! 

Chuck Todd announced this week his Super Bowl bet is that Reba McEntire's singing of the national anthem will be 40 seconds shorter than last year's. Turn the volume up until you blow the speaker cone. Hey Mister Judge, you have to give your dog a bone. There's a rhino in the kitchen. Send him on a China call.