Florida resident Paul "No relation to Jack" Kerouac is suing Dunkin' Donuts for $100,000. At a Winter Park location of the chain a year ago he used a toilet and upon flushing it exploded. He, of course, was totally covered in urine and feces. Upon reporting this to the staff he was told that it had been acting up lately. America runs on Dunkin', but you don't want it running on you.
On the subject of being covered in filth, the much ballyhooed Jeffrey Epstein underage sex trafficking list was released this week. Both conservatives and liberals were salivating with anticipation to see how many people they could smear with the term pedophile. Well perverted sexual behavior crosses all party lines.
Among the many names listed were ladies man Bill Clinton, Diaper Donnie Trump, Prince Andrew, Michael Jackson, touchy feely Kevin Spacey, the late New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, former FBI director Louis Freh, Al "Inconvenient Truth" Gore, and David Copperfield. But the most disgusting name on the list was 85 year old Harvard law professor and Trump mouthpiece Alan Dershowitz. An 85 year old man having sex on multiple occasions with minors. Try to get that out of your mind.
While Republicans continue their impeachment of Uncle Joe Biden, it was documented this week that Donnie "take the money and run" Trump received 7.8 million dollars in the first 2 years of his presidency in direct payments from China, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and 15 other countries. We only have records for the first two years because once the Republicans gained control of the House the old woman abuser James Comer Pyle shut down the investigation. Cocaine-addled son Donnie Jr. said that money was given to the Treasury Department, but amazingly there is no record of that. And the investigation has the cancelled checks. But physical evidence is for nerds!
Batteries to power and turbines to speed it was another frustrating hour of " Meet The Press" this week. Our first pissed off guest was the perpetually self righteous Republican Elise Stefanik. She bragged about her dressing down and shaming of university presidents 2 weeks ago was the most viewed hearing in Congressional history. She accused both host Kristen Welker and NBC news of being biased. She claimed the January 6th insurrectionists were now political hostages, and that all of America agrees with her. The biggest threat to our country is Uncle Joe, and that everything is about the border and inflation. She repeated that 3 times for the hard of hearing. Conservatives are under attack! She did smile though when asked about the chance of being Trump's choice for vice president. I don't see it because she's not young and hot enough for the Ladykiller In Chief.
It went from bad to worse as next was Quentin Fulks. He is the Deputy Manager of Uncle Joe's reelection campaign. Think of the political equivalent of a used car salesman. You know, of all of the candidates in this election this one is my personal favorite. Joe's not old. He's a classic! When asked about what the agenda was for Biden's second term he actually had a list. Bring back abortion rights, address gun violence, lower pharmaceutical costs, and forgive student debts. After that Joe would eat a bowl of raisin bran, watch a " Rawhide" rerun, and go back to bed.
Then it was time for the most useless man in the Middle East, Israeli President Issac "No relation to Whitey" Herzog. Every dog and kitty cat in the world knows that Bennie "FU" Netanyahu runs Israel. So what does the President of Israel do? He throws out the first pitch of Opening Day of Israel baseball season and cuts the ribbon at the grand opening of the new Buc-ee's 160 pump gas station in Tel Aviv. Hamas is opening summer camps to teach Palestinian children how to be murdering terrorists. He showed Kristen the brochure. Israel is being attacked from both the north and south by the Empire of Evil. It's easier to understand if your enemy has a catchy name. Maybe they can build a wall and have Hamas and Hezbollah pay for it.
The panel today was graced by the presence of America's Scold, Peggy Noonan. The former Reagan speechwriter has a weekly Saturday column in the Wall Street Journal called "Declarations." If you ever feel the need to be lectured and given a finger wag read one of those. You may not know it but you are a pathetic imbecile with no knowledge of the real world. Thanks, Peggy!
On a right wing podcast this week Trump attorney and beauty queen Alina Habba said that she is often asked whether she would rather be beautiful or smart. Her answer was "I'd rather be pretty because you can fake being smart." That's the story of my life.
She's coming home
There's been an affair
Abandoned by all her friends
Criticizing and analyzing, got her in an empty bed again
Gossip in the city all night at her front door
She don’t give the way she used to give before
She can't understand it
She's always been so candid.
-Golden Earring-
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