The last week was another head scratcher for those listening to the campaign speeches of Diaper Donnie Trump. He opined that he was a better president than Abraham Lincoln. He said that if there hadn't been a civil war Lincoln would have been a "nobody." Trump said he could have negotiated a deal between the north and south and saved scores of lives. He told the ancient one, Lou Dobbs, that he was hoping the economy would crash this year and he could use that to coast into office. He tells audiences that the record setting performance of the stock market is solely on the premise that he will soon again be president.
In arguments before a DC court of appeals on Trump's plea for total immunity, his attorney D. John Sauer said Trump could send Navy Seals to assassinate a political enemy and not be charged of a crime. As long as he was a non impeached nor convicted president he could do as he pleased. They say it's good to be king.
Hunter Biden and his attorney Abbe Lowell made a guest appearance at a House hearing led by James " spousal abuse" Comer Pyle. This sent those assembled into a frenzy. Eager for camera time Representative Nancy Mace told Hunter he was the epitome of white privilege and that he had no balls. This prompted tantric sex guru Marjorie Traitor Greene to grab her ever present 3 foot by 2 foot poster of Hunter's genitalia and show it again to the cameras. Now that certainly sends mixed signals. Either he has no balls and the photo is a fake or vice versa. As Taylor Swift told Travis Kelce you can't have it both ways.
The latest airing of "Meet The Press" was yet another in a series of "special editions." Today it was all about the upcoming Iowa presidential caucus, or as it is now known as " Vote for Trump or get a bomb threat."
Republican Iowa Senator Joni Ernst was the first guest. Her Stepford Wife smile did not break for 10 minutes. Unlike the little ball of hate Elise Stefanik last week, Joni answered every question as if she had just smoked a Bob Marley sized joint. She was in a state of blissful etched in stone talking points. She has not endorsed any candidate for president yet. Four more years of Uncle Joe Biden would destroy Iowa. She went to the Middle East and talked to leaders. She didn't say about what, so we can only guess. She probably checked the NFL betting lines for the Green Bay/Dallas game. She likes the road dog in this game. There is not a real comparison between tortured American prisoners of Hamas and the "hostages" of January 6th. She has no opinion on the Orange Jesus' promise to release all of the jailed insurrectionists if he's elected. She didn't have any opinions on a lot of things except the blanket statement that no one in the military trusts or respects Biden. Then she smiled again. That must have been great weed.
Next was the charismatic Democratic Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz. Here's another guy who could put coffee to sleep. When asked about the constant harping over Biden's age Walz said that with age comes wisdom and insight. Also a fondness for naps and a lack of sex drive. Again we are reminded that Muslims are abandoning Biden in droves over his support for Israel. If they switch to Trump they might find out the pie doesn't taste so sweet. And what about the total panic inducing crisis at the southern border? Walz says don't look to Biden. Walz says the GOP in Congress will not lift a finger because it's too good a campaign issue to run on. And so it goes. Each interview clocked in at 10 minutes on the snooze-o-meter.
In addition to the plodding impeachment of Uncle Joe this week the House Republicans instigated an impeachment also for Homeland Security head Alejandro Maorkas. And they said next on their lists were Military head Lloyd Austin and Attorney General Merrick Garland. Their promotional slogan for this session is "Impeachment Fever! Catch It!"
In entertainment news Lauren "Quick Hands" Boebert landed a first round TKO over her ex husband Jayson before a SRO crowd at a restaurant in Silt, Colorado last weekend. A blazing seven punch combination to the head led to a quick stoppage reminding many of the prime Thomas "The Hit Man" Hearns. But that was just the beginning. Tuesday saw the arrest of the aforementioned Jayson as the police removed his fist out of the mouth of his oldest son. This is the 17 year old who got his 16 year old pregnant, making Lauren a 37 year old grandmother. Among the six charges against Jayson are possession of a weapon, assault, and obstruction of justice. Boys will be boys!
And Chris Christie bowed out of the presidential race last week. The following day shares of Golden Corral dropped 7 points on the New York Stock Exchange.
Well I argued with the judge
but the bastard wouldn't budge
They caught me licking fudge
And they never told me once you were a minor
~Easy Money~
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