It's Sunday with Dan | 2023 December 24

It is Christmas, but politics, violence, and stupidity never take days off. 

Last Tuesday the Colorado Supreme Court ruled in a thrilling 4-3 verdict that Donnie "Leatherface" Trump was off the ballot for the primary in that state. His role in the January 6th, 2021 insurrection was a violation of the 14th amendment. Well, no sooner than you could yell "Turn the channel Judge Judy's coming on!" the death threats against the judges started rolling in. In a line as long as the drive through window at Raising Cane's Chicken Tenders they came. The gutless Orange Jesus posted the judges pictures on his website, and family members were also included in the threats of violent physical harm. Patriotism at it's finest! 

The vivacious and hilarious Kellyanne Conway stated on Fox "News" this week that Democrats wake up everyday and think it's January 6 again, then jump into their electric cars and go get an abortion. Her co hosts cackled in glee at Miss Alternative Facts devastating wit. 

If you think Jerry O'Connell on "The Talk" is creepy get ready for the latest Moses Mike Johnson story. In 2015 he took his then 13 year old daughter Hannah to a Purity Ball. The fathers wear tuxedos and present their ballroom gown clad daughters with corsages and rings. They dance and then make their daughters sign documents pledging that they will remain virgins until their wedding. With another boy, not wedding their fathers for those of you confused. Am I the only one who finds this pomp and circumstance weird? 

America's favorite resigning Democrat, Senator Joe Manchin declared this week that beginning next month he will be undertaking a two month tour of America. He says he wants to gauge the public's interest in his idea of a third party run for the presidency. In reality it's another shameless grift of the usual coal and oil companies who have lined his pockets for years. Remember he voted against the extension of the Child Tax Credit because people would just spend it on drugs. And he voted against paid family leave bill because people would just use it to go deer hunting. I can't make up jokes this good. Hey Joe! Spare us your presence and just stay home and work on your whiskey tan. 

Speaking of day drinking, this week's "Meet the Press" was as good excuse as any to say hello to our pal Jim Beam before noon. It was an exciting new feature called "Meet the Moment." This will address the burning issues of the day that are being ignored by the uninformed like ourselves. Our first guest was actress Selma Blair. She has multiple sclerosis. She has a service dog. She knows Uncle Joe Biden. She made a movie about herself. She drank a lot when she was young. She was married for 2 years to Ahmet Zappa. She cried during the interview. 

Next was conservative writer Tim Alberta. His father was a minister. He is a very religious man. Members of his church despise him because he doesn't worship at the alter of Trump. He worries that evangelicals have traded their morals for the promise of a Christian nation in exchange for a Trump dictatorship. We have yet to find the Bible verse that says "And a fork tongued rapist will lead them." But hope, like Cubs fans, springs eternal! 

Next was 7 time Olympic Gold Medalist Allyson Felix. She had complications with her pregnancy. Black women have a higher frequency of prenatal problems. She is fighting to make more people aware of this. This inspiring program was rounded out by women's activist Masih Alinejad. She is from Iran. If you weren't aware, in Iran women are treated like shit. The government of Iran has marked her for death. For real, not like that idiotic Steven Seagal movie. She called herself a " badass" and said she also had beautiful hair. She wants to give Uncle Joe Biden the business and get his rear in gear. 

In totality this episode came off like a Larry King show for people who have read a few books. The greatest moment in Larry King history? The night he was interviewing then President Bill Clinton and then, out of nowhere, looked at the camera, pointed a finger, and screamed "And don't forget, tomorrow night....Barbra Streisand!!!" 

For a last minute gift you still have time to purchase "MTG," the 288 page book by fan favorite Marjorie Traitor Greene. It's still holding on to it's place at number 5243 on the Amazon best seller's list. 

And last week all American steroid user Hulk Hogan became baptized. In Heaven there is no beer. But the water will be filled with steroids like it was fluoride. They say it feels good to drink with passion. Of common knowledge, it's too confining. Young girls at market they don't take chances. Talk to the rich men who never answer.