"Drinking brew for breakfast/Rudie can't fail" - The Clash, 1979
America's Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, whose famous breakfast was bourbon and Viagra (true), now owes 148 million dollars to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. He was found guilty of defamation and slander, saying that as poll workers in Georgia they threw the election in favor of Uncle Joe Biden. His attorney used the unique defense of old age and insanity for his actions. Put that in your back pocket for future use.
Pipsqueak Greg Gutfeld of Fox "News" said this week that millions of lives could have been saved from Covid 19 had not the Democratic Party been impeaching Donnie "Leatherface" Trump.
Volodymyr Zelenskyy pleaded to the Senate and Congress this week for a continuation from America for military aid against the Russian invasion. But that doesn't buy booze and campaign contributions. Belly up to the bar and say hello to the Heritage Foundation and Hungary's Victor Orban who this week feted Republican Senators and Congressmen with their deal of ending help to Ukraine, kissing the derriere of Vladimir Putin, and all the kielbasa they could eat. Funny how democracy works.
Boston Mayor Michelle Wu stepped into a big bucket of Hunt's Manwich Sauce this week when her office emailed invitations to the city council for a Christmas party. It was to be for the 6 members of color only, but the 7 white people also received them. I'm having a party and you're not invited. You're date for homecoming canceled because "Big Brother Reindeer Games" is on that night.
The House voted Wednesday to open an impeachment inquiry on Uncle Joe Biden, strictly on party lines. Every Republican voted yes and every Democrat voted no. The vote to begin the investigation was so urgent that they immediately went on a 3 week holiday vacation.
"Meet The Press" this week was another Battle of the Political Hairstyles. Our first contestant was South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham. We haven't had the pleasure of hearing him blab in two months, but rest assured he still has a fresh jar of Lucky Tiger Hair Wax. Lindsey was so hot under the collar he used the term "bit them in the ass" twice. For a man who is so loquacious he really doesn't say much.There will be no deal on the southern border because it's too good of a talking point to bash Uncle Joe. Trump was perfect at the border. All immigrants are rapists, murderers, drug dealers, or members of your local jihad. Ol' Slick Hair has no attention span available concerning the impeachment, but he's perfectly comfortable with Trump saying that immigrants are poisoning the blood of our nation. Hey, we all get a little crazy at times, don't we? As far as what the result of the Israeli/Hamas war will be, he had the same answer as Darryl Hannah had when she was asked what Jackson Browne did in his spare time: "Beats me."
Next to illuminate the screen was, with more hairspray than a 1966 Julie Newmar Catwoman, Michigan Democratic Representative Debbie Dingell. She said the impeachment inquiry on Uncle Joe was merely a bone thrown to placate the Orange Jesus and his army of the dead. When asked about solutions to the problem at the border she, like many other Democrats, sang Mose Allison's " I'm Not Talking." She fell back into the fake narrative that all politicians use when she goes back to her home district, she talks to Joe or Josephine Average at the grocery store. That gives her an insight to what's really on the minds of the public. So what's the better peanut butter, Skippy or Jif? Because of his unwavering support for Israel Uncle Joe has lost the Muslim vote in Michigan. Are they going to vote for Trump and then find out they're being deported? The annoying factor in the interview was that her necklace kept hitting her microphone. During the holidays don't forget that every kiss begins with Kay.
In sports news, set your dvr for the December 28th playing of, this is true, the Pop Tart Bowl. The 9-3 NC State Wolfpack take on the 8-4 Kansas State Wildcats. And the winning team gets to eat the giant Pop Tart mascot. Look it up. I am not lying.
I feel like a wog, people give me the eye. But I was born here like you. I feel like a wog. I don't mean you no harm. Just don't ask me to shine your shoes.
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