Republican
Oklahoma Senator Markwayne "King of Men" Mullin threatened Teamsters
President Sean O'Brien with a physical beating during a hearing this
week. The brewing fracas was halted by troubleshooting referee Senator
Bernie Sanders. The five foot eight inch tough guy had a 3-0 record in
MMA farces, and immediately ran to conservative media bragging about the
fear in the eyes of the union president and that his Oklahoma
constituents would have been ashamed of
him had he not promised to kick his ass.
The Living Stereotype
Republican Congressman Clay Higgins of Louisiana schooled Trump
appointed FBI Director Christopher Wray on the reality of "ghost buses."
He declared their existence was common knowledge among law enforcement
officials, and that two of them were parked at the January 6
insurrection. Higgins stated that the buses held 120 FBI agents
disguised as Trump supporters and that they were responsible for the
violence that ensued. Higgins' previous career in law enforcement is well
documented. Google "Clay Higgins beats handcuffed citizen" and you'll
find over a dozen entries. The best description you'll read is that he's
Barney Fife doing a Dirty Harry imitation.
Donnie "Benito Mussolini"
Trump held a rally in an Iowa high school gym this week and discussed
golden showers and prostitutes. Don't forget wife Melania calls him
"sir." And for fans of impending doom an October 3rd interview with
House Speaker Mike "God chose me" Johnson surfaced last week where he
stated that "depraved America deserves the wrath of God." In case of the
rapture can I have your 75 inch tv?
If it's a Sunday in November that
means two things. One is a slate of mediocre NFL games, and two is "Meet
the Press." Republican Presidential candidate Chris Christie graced our
screens, and gosh he visited Israel last week. Does he agree in a
ceasefire for hostages being released deal? He took a bold stance and
said that hostages should be released and the elderly might be having a
hard time. Beer is better cold and bricks are heavy. Is the Israeli army
guilty of war crimes? Hell no and Hamas soldiers kill Jews and brag
about it to their cheering parents. Christie saw a video put together by
the Israeli government that proves it. Uncle Joe Biden has condemned
antisemitism but damnit that's not enough says Christie. Should we
ratchet it up and go for voodoo spells? When it's fourth down and long
on the abortion issue Christie always plays it safe and punts it back to
the states.
Connecticut Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal was next
and he is living proof that Just For Men hair coloring really works. He
is in constant touch with the families of the Hamas held hostages, but
what senator in front of a camera isn't? He wants military aid to go to
Israel no matter what, all day every day. He says under the ownership of
Elon Musk Twitter/X has become a cesspool of hate, and that would be a
great name for a heavy metal band. Despite the fact that two thirds of
the nation have no desire to watch a Biden/Trump rematch Blumenthal says
not to worry. More than any other issue abortion will carry the day so
Uncle Joe will be in like the proverbial lottery winner with the fashion
models.
In other news both Harry Styles and Joe Manchin have new
haircuts. For your early Christmas shopping Marjorie Traitor Greene's
book is now available for pre-order from Amazon. Cost is 30 dollars.
Crayons are not included. Among the thousands of dollars misspent in
campaign funds by Congressman George Santos was money for Botox
treatments. Can't you see?
Last Friday was National Butter Day, and a
local television station in my metropolis had a Facebook survey to
determine what you "love putting a lot of butter on." If you answered
"your buns" you are hereby sentenced to 30 days unsupervised probation
and will need to present a picture ID every time you purchase a package
of Land O' Lakes.
The stars up above that play with Laughing Sam's dice
they make us feel the world was made for us. The zodiac glass that
bleams comes through the skies. It will happen soon for you.
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