It's Sunday with Dan | 2023 November 5

Last week America's favorite cross fit trainer Marjorie Traitor Greene introduced a resolution in Congress to censure fellow congressperson Rashida Tlaib, who is Palestinian. The resolution failed and hell hath no fury like a peroxide blonde. Miss Wonderful Greene called Texas Republican Chip "I was Ted Cruz's Batman" Roy Colonel Sanders and Colorado's Lauren Boebert a vaping groper. Don't piss off Marjorie. 

Montana Republican Congressman Ryan Zinke jumped on the war wagon and introduced a bill to expel all Palestinians from the United States and bar any more from entering the country. According to the latest census count there are 30 Palestinians living in Montana. Remember, all politics are local. 

Donnie Trump Jr. and his brother Eric testified last week in the New York financial fraud case involving their father. During examination Hekyll and Jekyll had three basic answers. 1) I don't know 2) I don't remember 3) that's the accountant's job. Donnie Jr. even had the wisdom to say that he would just sign any piece of paper put in front of him without reading it. We call that stable leadership. The pair of empty suits were identical except Jr. was glib and unserious, while Eric was somewhat prickly and testy. The apples don't fall far from the tree. 

During the numerous hours of my wasted youth I watched many episodes of "Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales." In every story Tennessee and his pal Chumley would visit the wise Mister Whoopee to get his advice on a problem. Mister Whoopee would go to his closet to retrieve his 3-D blackboard that always had the answers. Upon opening the closet door an entire garage sale would fall out. And so is the closet of newly elected Speaker of the House Mike Johnson. His beautiful wife Kelly is the chair of Onward Christian Counseling. The group specializes in conversion therapy for homosexuals and transsexuals. These righteous souls equate homosexuality to incest and beastiality. MAGA Mike himself has not had a checking or savings account since 2016. Congressmen earn $163,000 a year. That either means he lives paycheck to paycheck or he has a piggy bank the size of Arrowhead Stadium. His proposed measure to fund Israel's war effort is so cynical and odious it would make Madonna blush. He and his fellow Republicans would fund Israel by taking 14.3 billion dollars out of the IRS budget. The bipartisan Congressional Budget Office reported that would add 26.8 billion dollars to the federal deficit in the form of unpaid taxes by wealthy citizens and corporations. So if you want to help Israel you must give more money to the ultra rich. That sounds like solid fiscal policy to me. During his press conference this week you could hear the strains of Mose Allison's "I'm Not Talking" behind Mike's soothing voice and Cheshire cat's grin. He ended every answer with "We all agree with that." It's good to be told what you think. 

"Meet The Press" this week was a 30 minute Volodymry Zelenskyy infomercial. Ukraine has won the battle for the Black Sea. Ukraine has managed the Russian invasion and after two years they are like a Timex watch. They take a licking and keep on ticking. When asked if they were changing strategies he said the offense was moving from a Wing-T formation to a Run and Shoot. Negotiating with Russia is useless because they are congenital liars. The Republicans in Congress are putty in Putin's hands. Zelenskyy praised Uncle Joe Biden and kissed every butt cheek available in NATO. When asked when the war would end he began singing the Chairmen of the Board's "Give Me Just A Little More Time." When asked if he believed Donnie Trump's speil that he could end the war with Russia in 24 hours he said that when pigs fly let him know. When asked if the convicted sexual assaulter had Ukraine's back he merely shook his head. When asked if he planned to visit Israel in its time of need he answered it depended on the accommodations and the soup of the day. He prefers bean and ham with a side of Hi Ho crackers and a tall, cool Stag beer. 

The World Series was played last week and no one watched. There are only 48 days left in Mariah "Damn it the real Queen of Christmas" Carey season. She has only spent 4 million dollars in cosmetic surgery. True. There ain't no use in crying because it will only drive you mad. Does it hurt to hear them lying? Was this the only world you had?