At
a campaign rally in Clive, Iowa Monday America's Sore Loser Donnie
Trump told the assembled that he hated flies. And then he bemoaned the
fact that you could not buy flypaper any more. He said it had been
outlawed because it was cruel to animals. Pass the dutchie on the left
hand side.
Colorado Republican Lauren " And the Hand Jive" Boebert
disclosed her campaign expenditures for the third quarter and one item
caught the attention of drinkers everywhere. $317.48 was spent at
Hootch's Bar in Aspen under the guise of "event catering." This is the
same drag friendly club owned by her former handsy boyfriend Quinn
Gallagher. If any of you are hosting a campaign event and are buying the
alcohol please get in touch.
Request lines all over the nation's
capitol were alive with folks wanting to hear the Wicked Wilson
Pickett's version of " Three Time Loser." This in honor of the least
liked politician in America Jim "Mr. Lucky" Jordan. One, two, three
strikes he's out in his bid to become Speaker of the House, and with the
distinction of garnering the fewest votes in Congressional history
since 1923. He was going to try for a fourth time until he was told in a
closed door meeting to roll his sleeves down, put on a jacket, and take
his sweaty visage back to Ohio for the weekend.
"Meet The Press" this
week was another pulse pounding hour of white men in suits not answering
questions. Anthony Blinken "winken and nod" led off the hour fresh
back from Israel. The bottom line is that all hostages held by Hamas
need to be released. Israel has every right to go to war but it's their
decision on how far to go. What will be the end result of the conflict?
Blinken said in so many words to throw a dart and see where it lands.
And what about Iran? Uh, step lively and look out. Blinken oozed an
attitude of "beats me." And ducks don't eat pudding.
The torture
continued with the ousted former Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy.
The reason the nation has not had a speaker for 3 weeks is not the fault
of the goat rodeo that is the Republican caucus, but instead lies at
the feet of Matt " Forehead" Gaetz, Hakeem Jeffries, and the usual
punching bag Nancy Pelosi. He turned every question into a chance to
rail against the hordes of screaming meemies crossing our southern
border. He also planted the seed of fear that we have sleeper cells of
terrorists all over the country. He had no evidence, but isn't that why
they are sleepers? And if you don't see any kangaroos that means the
kangaroo repellent must be working. At times he laughed at Kristen
Welker's questions because you just know he can run rings around her
logically. Our problems with Hamas, Iran, and Russia are all because of
our pussy in chief Uncle Joe Biden. He would not come on and publicly
endorse the Mango Mussolini Trump which could put him again in the
crosshairs of the MAGA mob. But Kevin will always have perfect hair.
Last and certainly least was the former Vice President Mike "Race
Bannon" Pence. His flailing candidacy for president has put him $600,000
in debt, so look for a garage sale soon. If he was the quarterback of
the team he would give Hamas 12 hours to release all of the hostages. If
they did not he would take the Barry Goldwater approach and send in
the army. Put Sergeant Nick Fury and the Howling Commandos on standby.
Although two of Trump's lawyers flipped this week with plea bargains,
Pence continues to swear he had no idea of the chicanery that went on in
the Oval Office post election. He says every day people come up to him
and thank him for following the constitution and not reversing the
election. He only mentioned the Bible and the Almighty 4 times in 10
minutes. He ain't got no money, but he's sure gotta whole lot of
experience.
In last week's television ratings 7 of the top ten programs
were professional sporting events. So much for game shows and golden
bachelors.I remember the feeling that I could be free. Now I know it
could never be me. Because I'm on fire. Got myself on fire. God rest
Tulsa's Dwight Twilley.
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