In a special "Who cares?" edition of "Meet The Press" today viewers were led back to bed with a trio of somnambulance inducing men wearing suits. Leading off the where's the bourbon episode was the erstwhile National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan. If you're a ghoul and you're keeping score, although Hamas took an early lead, Israel has now taken the lead in people killed 2300 to 1400. With all respect why would anyone move to the Middle East? Would you move to East St. Louis? When asked what the United States was doing to defuse the heinous situation Sullivan answered that we were doing everything to ensure that the innocent people were safe and treated with dignity. I'll sleep better knowing that.
Next to answer questions with unfiltered hot air was Lindsay "The Hollow Man" Graham. He's visiting Saudi Arabia this week so he's stocking up on Brylcreem and Tic Tacs. When asked about his declaration this week that we should just level Gaza to dust he said the humanitarian thing, that he did not mean the women and the babies. That was reassuring.
Just before America reached for that second Jim Beam on the rocks they were treated to the wisdom of House Minority Leader Hakeem "The Dream" Jeffries. He has perfect elocution and the perfect blank stare of a zombie in "Night of the Living Dead." Every answer to every question was as shallow as an episode of "The Young and the Restless." He had no answer to who should be the new Speaker of the House. He had no answer on how to avoid another government shutdown. But he was very serious and earnest in his evasive answers.
Dandy Don Trump prostitute Keri Lake announced her candidacy for the Arizona Senate seat up for grabs next year. Don't forget she still claims to be the real governor of Arizona.
This week's joker who was King for a Day was Republican Representative Steve Scalise. He won the initial vote to be the new Speaker of the House but was over 100 votes shy to win confirmation. He threw in the towel the next day and was immediately replaced in the catbird seat by the ravenous Jim "Tasmanian Devil" Jordan. I have skeletons in my closet, but his are the size of mastodons. Because of his conspicuous interaction with the 215 pound ex-president before and after January 6th he was subpoenaed by the investigation committee a year later. He ignored it like I would a request to serve on jury duty. Such is democracy.
Noted conscience of the House Marjorie Traitor Greene said she voted against Scalise because he's being treated for cancer. To score bonus points to make it to the showcase round she added that Uncle Joe Biden was suffering from senility.
In only one day the Stevie Nicks Barbie doll sold out. Buyers though were disappointed to learn that the coke spoon was not included.
And the Taylor Swift Eras Tour Concert film was released. But Tinseltown insiders insisted that it could not overcome the tumbling tide of "The Golden Bachelor." The barometer of all things significant Glamour magazine declared that "No one can stop talking about it." America has a great fascination with watching women over the age of sixty breaking out in tears after having their souls crushed by a 72 year old man who has as many teeth as Sheryl Underwood.
We fought for good, stood side by side. Our friendship never died. On strange waves the lows and highs. Our vision touched the sky.
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