"If you go out and vote we will win bigly. And we'll shove it up their asses." - Donald F Trump 10-3-26
"Free your mind and the rest will follow" - En Vogue
The news and sports desk is back up and running. I woke up ready for my 2 a.m. Monday viewing of "The Fugitive" and "Harry O." My Roku was not working and I couldn't watch my TV. Ask anyone you know: my TV doesn't work, and I go into full Daffy Duck panic mode. I considered drinking myself blind, but I went back into sleepy poo mode. I couldn't watch my recording of "Meet The Press." I called my great pal Sid "The Kid" Norris and he came over at 9 a.m. this morning. I had the batteries in wrong in the remote and Sid flipped them and it came on immediately. On a daily basis I'm a real bag of hammers; I can be both dumb and stupid at the same time. I did my happy dance and the beauty is back on duty! Let's go!
Last Tuesday special prosecutor Jack Smith testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee and to say the least the GOP didn't send their A team. The breathless Katie Britt was on. She married an NFL player. Can you say slack jawed? The moronic Missouri senator Eric Schmitt was on and he's Smokey Eye Shady Vance's early favorite for his vice president. Eric called Smith a "dirtbag." The tech brothers met with Diaper Donnie at the White House and promised they would self-regulate. And I only masturbate every other Wednesday.
The story of the fraternity gang rape at Cornell university deserves your attention. Research on your own. I have no jokes, but never forget people are no good. A Make America Healthy Again rally was held and the host was rapist Russell Brand.
On Wednesday the idiot Markwayne Mullin told the world that voter fraud was rampant and the Supreme Court ruled that Trump could deport people to third-world countries to be raped, beaten, and murdered. Twenty-five thousand people have been sent overseas. Note to Stephen Miller: Hell is not filled! Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath gave a George Patton-style speech and said his military would have no "beardoes, weirdos, or fatties." Petey really likes his Lucky Tiger Hair Wax. He has fired 20 percent of our generals and admirals. Perfect during a war. Tough titties said the kitty, but you take the bitter with the sweet.
On Thursday Russia threatened NATO with nuclear weapons. Trumpty Dumpty is bailing on aid to Ukraine and an appellate court ruled Jeanine Pirro could no longer file any charges on sabotage on the reflective pool. Judge Jeanine responded by drinking two fifths of orange MD 20/20. Renee Good's family sued Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem for the murder of their daughter by ICE.
Statistics showed more Americans believe in Bigfoot than approve of Orange Jesus. Time magazine published an interview with Trump and when you read his answers to questions they make no sense. He is impossible to understand.
On Friday the Atlantic reported the insane John Fetterman was asking Republicans for campaign contributions. Newly engaged $Kash Patel said he was going to look into FBI failures. Try looking in the mirror Third Eye, because two eyes aren't enough. That was your gratuitous Nick Danger reference. Remember when Goldigger Sweet Karoline Leavitt resigned as press secretary to spend time with her children and 65-year-old husband? She lied again. She's joining Fox news as a commentator. I can't wait to hear her brilliant insights. Trump backtracked and told people to vote by mail and "voting in America is corrupt."
Yesterday was "Meet The Press," and first was Steve Kornacki with the numbers. No one likes Trump but no one likes Democrats either. Next was Obama has-been Rahm Emmanuel. What race is he? He wants a $20 minimum wage. He thinks Titty Baby Donnie is a bum. Rahman says Medicare for all is a bad idea. If he runs for president he will promise free beer and chicken. He said he was a former ballet dancer. Okay. We need day care and Head Start. I need to do laundry. And don't forget to remember the future.
Next was the lovable Mr Haney from "Green Acres," Republican Senator John Kennedy. I had no pot. It would have helped. Democrats argue about men breastfeeding. Fire the teachers who can't teach. What about the economy! "I'd bet you a soda and a nice hat." Huh? Everything is Uncle Joe Biden's fault. People are feeling anger and deep melancholy. Wasn't that a Cure album? He tells the truth. Daylight Savings Time is a burning issue. People don't like to go home in the dark. He used the word existential. Trump could go from a zero to an ahole in 3 seconds. Will Ken Paxton win in Texas? How would he know. "I do it my way." Frank Sinatra used to sing "We Did It Sideways." He mentioned goobers and the Judds. The flashback moment was Elizabeth Dole. Boy, she had a great permanent! And so like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
Well, they busted me for nothin'
'Cause they said I was insane
And so they let my body go
But they locked away my brain
'Cause they said I was insane
And so they let my body go
But they locked away my brain
~Mott the Hoople~
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