"I could have banned fishing like Biden was going to do." - Donald F Trump to Bass Pro/ Cabela's owner Johnny "B Goode" Morris 9-17-26
Last Monday the Supreme Court ruled 7-2 to reject Trump's mail-in voting plan. Of course the two objections were Anthony Scalia and Clarence Thomas. Sperm gurgling is encouraged. Mitch McConnell rose from the grave and only the good die young. The Senate Judiciary Committee, led by 92-year-old Republican Senator Chuck Grassley, grilled Fish Eyed FBI director and babe magnet $Kash Patel, whom Democratic gasbag Corey Booker called "an incompetent lackey." Patel said "I will not participate in your parade of lies," and walked out. What rhymes with pussy?
Todd Blanche held a press conference and declared the adjudicated rapist is the Supreme Commander and kiss my grits.
If you have had sex with a goat you are now welcome to work for the FBI. Good to know!
Congressman Thomas Massie filed impeachment charges against Tattoed Alcoholic Petey Kegsbreath and immediately lapdog Moses Mike Johnson adjourned Congress until after the midterms in November. So much for that vote.
On Wednesday it was revealed that Jared "Sonny Drysdale" Kushner raised $5 billion for his private equity firm from Middle Eastern nations while "negotiating" peace talks. Double your pleasure.
Diaper Donnie cut internet service to public schools and libraries because that money is better spent on Natalie Harp's hand lotion for the jerk-offs she performs daily on the Mushroom Winkie. Interest rates went up by a quarter percent and Trump threatened to kill all members of the Federal Reserve Board. Treasury Secretary Scott "Open Casket" Bessent said on CNBC he didn't know where all the Venezuelan oil money is, but he still likes Honey Nut Cheerios.
The Republican-run Congress has canceled 28 votes this year because Trump told them to.
On Thursday Charlie Kirk's parents sued the University of Utah and the state of Utah because their son got assassinated there. Don't forget Charlie got shot while extolling the importance of gun ownership. The man who looks like fried bacon, RFK Jr., said the measles vaccine is evil and the cure is vitamins and chicken soup. Have another bowl of Grape Nuts. The Canadian national anthem was played at the Buffalo Bills' home opener football game. Over 7 thousand Canadians have season tickets, but Megyn "Aging Homecoming Queen" Kelly was pig-biting mad.
On Friday Iran offered to open the Strait of Hormuz with no fees if Sausage Fingers Donnie resigned. We want tuna that tastes good, too. The Department of Revenge and Justice told prosecutors they would be fired if they didn't find cases of election fraud. "My social life's a dud. My name is really mud." The Music Machine.
Vice President Shady Vance campaigned in Iowa for the Republican candidate for the Senate and she didn't show up. I think I dated her 40 years ago. Petey Kegsbreath announced testosterone tests for all soldiers over the age of 30, and my dog's better than your dog. The genius Donnie said he was establishing an AI force and who gives a shit? What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and a bowling ball?
Yesterday was the latest edition of "Meet The Press." You didn't miss anything. The first guest was Republican Senate Whip John Barrasso from Wyoming. Here we go. Democrats are crazy. No taxes on tips! Common sense! Everything will be great when the wars are over. Who cares about federal deficits? Joe Biden is/was a bastard and Republicans must win the midterms or it will be Ragnarok! Get rid of every non-white person and the press needs to kiss the pimpled ass of Cankles Caligula.
Corey Booker was next and he's bought and paid for by people you don't know. We are in an existential crisis and Robert Smith of the Cure still wears makeup. Basically his answer to every question was who fucking knows. I would have been better off cleaning my navel.
Our fearless leader has forklifts parked outside the Kennedy Center to tear it down unless they let him rename it after himself. Think of Wile E Coyote in a Road Runner cartoon. Every trap backfires, if you know what I mean.
Why was cashew chicken invented in my hometown of Springfield, Missouri? The Man Who's Wife won't live with him wants to put snipers on top of his 250-foot arch in Washington D.C. Is the Penguin on parole again?
This time I let you go
Next time I'll let you know
It's high time that I told you so
This time, this time
Next time I'll let you know
It's high time that I told you so
This time, this time
~The Saints~
No comments:
Post a Comment