It's Sunday with Dan | 2026 January 11

 "I'd like to do it the easy way, but if I have to do it I'll do it the hard way."  - Donald F Trump 1-9-26 on the conquering of Greenland or having sex with Melania. No nookie for Tubby. 

RFK Jr issued new dietary guidelines for the United States last week. We should eat a steak every day. I'll take an eight ounce rib-eye and you're buying. 

Last Monday Democratic Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz said screw this and he's not running for reelection. Two Scoops Donnie said Greenland must be his along with the rest of the Western Hemisphere. He called the 1923 Monroe Doctrine is now called "by many" the Donroe Doctrine. Former Venezuelan president Maduro and his wife pleaded not guilty to all charges in federal court, and Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath took time out from raping women to say he was revoking Senator Mark Kelly's military ranking and pension. Venezuela wad addressed to a Congressional committee and they were told to pound sand. 

On Tuesday the Corporation for Public Broadcasting said it was closing it's doors, and in Caracas armed gangs began roaming the streets. Aim high, shoot low. Once again Moses Mike Johnson was pursued by reporters and asked if he approved of the takeover of Venezuela. Moses said he didn't know what they were talking about. That slap-dick is the Beaver Cleaver of 2026. The adjudicated rapist addressed his Republican Congressional Caucus at the Trump Trump Center for the Performing Arts and told them the public is stupid and we should cancel this fall's elections. The January 6th insurrection rioters held their fifth anniversary reunion in DC, and the Department of Justice skipped another deadline on releasing Jeffrey Epstein files. Pammy Jo Bondi said she's busy trying to find another husband. Marjorie Traitor Greene appeared on "The View" and her black haired roots were showing. Phone call for Miss Clarol! Lonely teardrops. Why do they never dry? Say her name Renee Nicole Good was shot 3 times in head by ICE bastard Jonathan Ross, but he's killed before so it's cool. Erica Kirk's future husband Shady Vance called her a domestic terrorist and Kristi Noem took Corey Lewandowski's balls out of her mouth long enough to tell America to obey orders and kiss the whip. The FBI took over the entire investigation of the death in Minneapolis and $Kash Patel is leading the officers. What rhymes with fuck? The whistle-dick President announced he was increasing the military budget to 1.5 trillion dollars because he's a titty baby who thinks we need more bombs and "warfighters." 

On Friday killing season continued as ICE shot to death 2 more people in Portland , Oregon because they didn't vote for Orange Jesus. A bill to reinstate the Obamacare tax credits advanced in the House against the Keebler Elf Moses Mike Johnson wishes. He pissed himself. Another 2 thousand troops were sent to Minneapolis because Nosferatu Stephen Miller is a fucking Nazi. Also on Friday oil executives met at the White House and told Taco Tits they were not going to spend a dime in Venezuela. The dementia king stopped the meeting to get up and tell them he can't wait for the big beautiful ballroom. Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids. Bricks are heavy and women are pretty. 

On Saturday gangs of monkeys attacked St Louis and the Pentagon proposed their military conquest of Greenland. Petey Kegsbreath drank a fifth of Old Crow. 

Today was another WTF episode of "Meet The Press." First on the show was People Magazine's most unfuckable Man of the Year Border Czar Tom Homan. He cannot speak English, but he can beat you up and tell you it's your fault. He said the death in Minneapolis was tragic but kiss his white ass. Let $Kash Patel investigate the incident, stop the hateful rhetoric, and here's a knuckle sandwich. Sanctuary cities are the Devil's right hand, and when you hear a turd say "we all agree" you know you don't. He never took that 50 thousand dollar bribe and if you ask him that question again you are dead. This guy has a wife. What a world we live in. And shut up! 

Next was Democratic Senator from Connecticut Chris Murphy. Is that a beatnik beard or a Dennis Miller goatee? He said $Kash Patel will totally exonerate the ICE murderer and we all know what dog shit smells like. We need warrants, IDs, and no masks on "agents." Diaper Donnie is a rapist and every one needs to play "Everybody Knows" by Leonard Cohen on their stereo today. 

Last on this triple header was Minneapolis mayor Jacob "I'm not Glenn" Frey. Yes, last week he cursed on live television after the murder, but he didn't shoot somebody in the face 3 times . ICE is not a force for safety and good and grits ain't groceries. Jacob is an articulate attractive person, but so is Pamela Anderson. The Secretary of Scotch Petey Kegsbreath will now be called Full Metal Jackass and America needs a new host on "Meet The Press." I could ask you the same question 3 times. P and U. Stick straw up my ass and call me a broom. 

 

I tell you honey it's a crying shame. 

All the pretty girls well they look the same.

~The Stooges~