It's Sunday with Dan | 2025 October 26

 "I don't think we're necessarily going to ask for a declaration of war. I think we're just gonna kill people that are bringing drugs into our country. We're going to kill them, they're going to be, like dead." 
Donald J Trump 10-23-25

 

 "I choose to steal what you choose to show and you know I will not apologize. You're mine for the taking. I'm making a career of evil."

The Blue Oyster Cult

  

A week ago last Sunday the unfuckable pissy pants posted on his official media an AI generated video of himself flying a jet fighter, wearing a crown, and dropping runny feces over Americans marching in a No Kings protest. Then on Monday he sent in the heavy machinery and demolished the East Wing of the White House. It was in the way of his Big Beautiful Ballroom. After lying about it, it was revealed later in the week that it will be named the Donald J Trump Ballroom. Face it kids, he's not leaving until he loses in the game of Big Mac roulette. ICE and the National Guard will be stationed around the White House and woe to those who want to evict him. It's martial law and Mushroom Winkie is the marshall.

 

Donnie met Monday with the Australian Prime Minister and he told the Ambassador to his face "I don't like you and I probably never will." The two countries made a Rare Earth deal. We are trading our copy of "I'm Losing You" for their copy of "Get Ready." Obnoxious Texas Republican Congressman Chip Roy said the No Kings protests were all false. Chip the dip said we do have a king and it's Jesus Christ. 

On Tuesday Plastic Surgery Lara Trump volunteered to sing at the Turning Point USA Super Bowl halftime show. Lara :"Lots of NFL teams are mad about the choice of Bad Bunny." There will be no summit with dreamy Vladimir Putin and Trump held a government shutdown party at Club Rose Garden for GOP senators. As they dined on Great Value fish sticks and German potato salad, Cankles Caligula told them his staff had found 31 trillion dollars on a "tariff shelf." When Trump's mouth is open he's either eating or lying. The USDA said SNAP benefits are all gone, and Trump wants the government to give him 230 million dollars in compensation for his legal fees over Russiagate and the Mar-A-Lago file raid. He suffered. Number 2 at the Department of Justice Todd Blanche has to approve it. With this victory Sausage Fingers advances to the showcase round. 

The rooster crowed on Wednesday and the war crimes continued as the United States sank it's eighth boat off the Venezuelan coast. Secretary of Scotch gets a warfighter's boner showing the video to his custom approved press corps. Full Depends Donnie said we would be importing beef in large quantities from Argentina. When informed about how bad this would be for American farmers Trump yelled at the reporter "young lady, you don't know anything about it!" Argentina is having an outbreak of hoof and mouth disease. Hamburger Helper announced a new flavor called "Slow Agonizing Death." Human Liver Spot Steve Bannon told British journalists that Charlie Kirk's suspected murderer was associated with the "Armed Queers of Salt Lake." Later the adjudicated rapist met with the Secretary General of NATO and pledged loyalty, for what that's worth. Then he called the Wall Street Journal fake news. 

Thursday jail guitar doors opened as Trump pardoned another convicted crypto criminal who ran his own firm and committed fraud. When asked, Trump said he didn't know him but many people had told him he was a fine lad. The fine lad also had beacoup bucks invested in Donnie Jr and Eric's World Financial crypto firm. Coincidence? Satan's favorite president also called off the National Guard invasion of San Francisco because his tech buddies who live there told him to back off. Money talks and bullshit walks. Ask Sammy Hagar. The press also revealed that Trump is also renovating the Dr Strangelove bunker under the Big Beautiful Ballroom. History buffs: Adolf Hitler had his bunker underneath his ballroom in Germany, too! 

Friday saw more hilarity as the Apricot Antichrist announced that a great American patriot donated 130 million dollars to the military to help pay the salaries to the troops cut off by the government shutdown. Did you know with the size of our military that amount covers 6 hours of wages. A partial list of Ballroom donors was released and it includes Microsoft, Meta, T Mobile, and Kristen Welker's boss Comcast. The Ontario province of Canada ran a commercial during the Toronto Blue Jays playoff game playing a radio broadcast of Ronald Reagan from yesteryear that denounced tariffs. It was not a fake, it was not AI, but Trump said it was and cut off all trade with Canada. Five Chins sent the United States' largest aircraft carrier to the Caribbean to stir up war with Valenzuela and possibly Colombia, too. This represents 14 percent of our Naval fleet, and Open Casket Scott Bessent announced we were imposing tariffs on the Colombian President. He's an international druglord, or so Trump says. And the debris from the East Wing is being buried at a golf course in East Potomac. Memories of Ivana Trump, eh? 

In the early Saturday am Orange Jesus snuck out of the White House to head off for a week in Asia, fleeing again during the government shutdown. He began bragging about that after the Ballroom he's going to build the Arc de Trump across from Arlington Cemetery. The White House stated that if states try to cover the 40 million dollars cut off in SNAP benefits they will be punished and not compensated. Poor people are born to suffer. It's the MAGA mantra! And the cruel Loveless Pammy Bondi said the Department of Justice will monitor the elections in California and New Jersey because the Democrats are the party of Lucifer and Gavin Newsom. 

After a thrilling Saturday night when the St Louis Blues took a 4-1 lead and then cruised to a 6-4 loss to the Detroit Red Wings it was time for a shower, Dunkin Donuts coffee, a pair of PB & J sammys, and the psychological torture that is "Meet The Press." First it was the aforementioned Secretary of the Treasury Open Casket Scott Bessent in Malaysia with Mr Purple Hands. Scott's hair was not it's usual perfection which made some wonder if Grinder exists overseas. Kristen began with asking are great trade agreements going to be made with China? Here comes the blather. After two days of talks we have a great framework set up. When I shop for groceries I make a list. Scott told Kristen the 100 percent tariff threat was old fucking news. Fentanyl, soybeans, Rapey McFraud's global peace and personal enrichment plans. Get with it, bitch! Framework, framework, framework! Everything will be ducky. Trust in Trump. Dementia is good! Kristen was accused of cherry picking inflation statistics and Puffer will have none of it. Things are great and shut up with your Debbie Downer routine! Prices are possibly up because of service goods not tariffs. Someone tell me what that means. I only know how to balance my bank book. We will lose no money on the 40 million given to Argentina. Are we going to war with Argentina? Don't ask Scott. What about the ballroom? Don't ask Scott. Democrats need to pass the MAGA budget and kiss the whip in love not given lightly. Bessent"s best answer was, and I quote :"oh, oh, oh, uh, uh, uh." Wasn't that a song by the Police? Scott Bessent is simply a stuffed shirt and you learn absolutely nothing from him every time he opens his pie hole. 

After another ICE recruitment advertisement ( wear a mask, shove pregnant women to the ground, bust the heads of brown people! ) it was Ruben Gallego, Democratic Senator from Arizona. Slow down on the hair gel, Ruben! Has he been chilling with Lindsey Graham and Petey Kegsbreath? First verbal error :"Inflammation....inflation." The rates on the Affordable Care Act can't be allowed to double or triple. How many days until you vote the budget in? What a great question, Kristen. How do you justify the shutdown to laid off government workers? We tried to have a separate bill for paying them but the Republicans defeated it. He kept repeating 24 million Americans would lose their health insurance if the Republicans get their Mose Mike Johnson budget aka kiss Trump's XXL ass. Kristen asked Ruben about blowing up Venezuelan boats. The Smiths say meat is murder, and Ruben says blowing up boats is, too. Some people say if a Democrat ever gets back in the White House they should destroy the Big Beautiful Ballroom. Ruben says nay, just rename it the Barack Hussein Obama Building. Ruben says Trump is on the let them eat cake train, and he adds the the freakish Baron had better eat now while the ladies know he has the money. And then it wouldn't be Pant Suit Kristen if she didn't ask him if was going to run for president. Kristen, a note from yours truly. Intercourse that question. "But you're not ruling it out!" 

Last it was "Who Cares?" with internationally renowned chef Marcus Samuelson. He divulged the secret of his Afrocentric interpretation recipe for Toads in the Hole. Yum. 

The NBA was exposed as a giant gambling ring, with players involved with the Mafia and sports betting (coming to my state tells me Kevin Hart 27 times a day). The tv camera shot of the week was on ESPN. As they reported on the gambling scandal at the bottom of the screen was an advertisement telling us to join ESPN Bet today. 

Moses Mike Johnson continued his lying about the government shutdown all week and reinforced his title of God's Chosen Liar. 

RIP June Lockhart. 

Brenda Lee, she's a senior
And brighter than the summer sky
She didn't dance, didn't date
Always had an alibi
But she shook up everybody
At the prom dance at Central High 

~Chuck Berry~