"We're taking care of our farmers. We can't let our farmers not have anybody. You know, these are very these people, they're you can't replace them very easily. You know, people that live in the inner city are not doing that work. They're just not doing that work. And they've tried, we've tried. Everybody tried. They don't do it. These people do it naturally, naturally. I said, what happens if they get it to a farmer the other day, what happens if they get a bad back? He said, they don't get a bad back, sir, because if they get a bad back, they die. I said that's interesting, isn't it?" - Donnie F Trump 8-5-25
"There's a method to my madness. Look inside my Hell" - The Lords of the New Church.
Last Monday the Texas Democratic Legislature fled the state to deny the
Republicans a quorum to vote in their redistricting map designed to give
the Republicans five more districts in the state. This order came
directly from the Apricot Ayatollah and was eagerly approved by the
gutless, hate filled governor, Greg "Hot Wheels" Abbott. For years
Abbott received benefits and aid from the state because of his handicap
that confines him to a wheelchair. Once this bastard became governor he
cut all aid to handicapped and special needs children in the state, and
denied funds for school lunch programs. Satan has a buddy in Hot
Wheels. The state congress people went to New York, Illinois, and
Massachusetts. Much more on this later.
The Man of Bronzer declared that the European Union gave him, not
America, 600 billion dollars to do anything he wants to. Two hours later
this was revealed to be a total fabrication. Discussing his tariff
negotiations with the female representative the Pedophile in Charge said
"The woman was nice, but she didn't want to listen." And Hitler was a
vegetarian. Jesse Watters said on Fox that Governor Abbott had sent out a
posse to round up the absent Texas Democrats, and then Jesse stood up
and displayed his obvious boner.
The Mango Mussolini spent Tuesday morning wandering aimlessly around on the White House roof and yelling at reporters on the ground. Israeli Supreme Leader Bibi "Fuck You" Netanyahu said Israel was launching yet another full military crush on the Gaza Strip. Sorry kids, it's just not your year! Trump lied and said we had given 60 million dollars worth of food to Palestine and his Truth Social media company announced they lost 20 million dollars in the second quarter of this year. Wrong haircut!
On Wednesday Transportation Secretary and NASA head,underwear model Sean
Duffy, said we were going to build a nuclear reactor on the moon. Do
you smell a Musk? RFK Jr announced he was cutting 600 million dollars of
funding for mRNA vaccine to combat Covid instead focusing on new
variations of Flintstone vitamins. Trumpty Dumpty said special envoy
Steve Witkoff spoke 3 hours with Big Daddy Vladdy Putin and it was "very
productive." Witkoff is a real estate developer and never travels with a
translator. His previous experience in foreign affairs was declaring
his favorite episode of "Jonny Quest" is the one with the mummy. Vodka
Goddess and conservative pundit Ann Coulter said Jeffrey Epstein once
tried to put the moves on her but "He was so goofy and frivolous." I
knew Ann before she was a virgin. Upon reports of a meeting among Smokey
Eye Shady Vance, Loveless Attorney General Pammy Jo Bondi, and FBI
director $Kash "One Eye on You" Patel to discuss how to handle the Trump
/Epstein scandal the dough-faced Veep denied everything. Then Trump
told the press it was "total bullshit."
On Thursday it was discovered that two thirds of the attorneys at the
Department of Justice assigned to protect the President and his policies
had resigned. $Kash said he had now officially cleared FBI agents to
hunt down and arrest Texas Democrats even though the congresspeople had
not broken any federal or state laws. Think of Ilya Kuriyakin on "The
Man From UNCLE." "I go where I want and I do what I please." $Kash also
fired the FBI head of Chinese intelligence who had 20 years experience.
$Kash was told to because Tangerine Tits didn't like him. Morale is said
to be low at the agency. The money machine AIPAC called Tantric Sex
Kitten Marjorie Traitor Greene a far left radical because of her
condemnation of Israel's genocide in Gaza. In related news, the cow
jumped over the moon. Loveless Pammy Jo Bondi announced the DOJ was
launching investigations into Barack Hussain Obama, New York Attorney
General Letica James, and Hillary Clinton because they are enemies of
America/Trump.
On Friday Oversight Committee Chairman and the man who beat up his
college girlfriend James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer issued subpoenas for
Bill and Hillary Clinton and other people from over 15 years ago in the
Epstein investigation. Missing from the lengthy list is Alex Acosta,
the Republican prosecutor that gave Epstein his initial kiss kiss deal
of 13 months limited incarceration back in 2007. Acosta later became
Trump's Secretary of Labor during his first administration. Cue up Slim
Harpo "Baby Scratch My Back." Also on Friday the pride of Southwest
Missouri William "Billy" Long was shitcanned as head of the IRS after
serving only 6 weeks. Our pal Scott "Open Casket" Bessent will
temporarily add this to his many hats as his replacement. Loyal Billy
took one for the team and was named our Ambassador to Iceland. Within 4
hours the Golden Corral announced the opening of a franchise there.
Where Billy goes Tums for the tummy will follow.
And Trump said he wants a new census that does not count any black or brown people. The Puffed Cheeto has said in response to the beating up of DOGE ringleader Big Balls by a pair of 15 year olds he will introduce military oversight in Washington DC come Monday. Crime is out of control even though it's down 30 percent in DC the last year and a half. It happened on the street at 3 am, but what does that mean? Here's a tip: Don't leave your wallet in the restroom at the pub. And Trump will meet with Putin in Alaska next Friday and hand him the keys to Ukraine and claim what Sweet Karoline Leavitt called last week the "Noble Peace Prize." The art of the ass kiss. Putin cannot travel to most countries because there are warrants for his arrest as an international war criminal. True. But he's welcome in America!
Our first guest today on "Meet The Press" was Democratic Governor of
Illinois JB Pritzker. JB stands for "James Brown." He said neither Texas
nor federal law allow for the arrest of the Texas Democrats in his
state. Texas Governor Abbott is a continuous law breaking disaster.
"He's licking the boots of his leader, Trump." But what about Illinois'
gerrymandering map? 1) it happened after the census and 2) it passed
both state houses. But Trump says he deserves the extra seats in Texas.
Well, Hawkwind should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So what?
It's a direct violation of voting rights. Does he oppose military aid to
Israel considering the large Palestinian population of his state. JB
punted and said he was all for food aid. Is he against the concept of
millionaires in the Democratic Party? JB says principles are what
should matter, not the size of the wallet. That's what I tell my dates.
Will he run for President? No. Then, like she always does, she asked him
the same fucking question again like that makes her a hard hitting
reporter. He said no again. Man she is awful.
Next was the now permanent co-host of MTP South Carolina Republican
Senator Lindsey Graham..I see his happy ass more often than I see my
family. No concessions for Putin in dealing with Ukraine? That's fine
with Lindsey. He has all the confidence in the world with Donnie, who
he played golf with yesterday. Lucky Lindsey. We just need to tell Big
Daddy Vladdy if he ever does this again blah blah blah. We can't punish
Russia so we will take it out on India for buying Russian oil.
Brilliant. I'm mad at the cat so I kicked the dog. And China won't
invade Taiwan. And the Chicago Cubs will rally and beat the Milwaukee
Brewers for the National League Central Division title. And the Hulk
could wipe the floor with the Sub Mariner's ass. Rah rah rah sis boom
bah! Go Israel! We must destroy Hamas like we did Germany and Japan in
World War Two. Thanks for the illuminating perspective, Lindsey!
Lastly, it was former Attorney General Eric Holder. He served for 6
years under Obama, and the beater Comer has ordered him to testify about
Epstein, too. Holder said he has no idea why. Holder says the FBI has
no legal authority to arrest Texas Democrats. Although he's pooh poohed
gerrymandering in the past, now it's okay for California and New York
to do it to counter the moves by Texas. "We must fight fire with fire."
I've never understood that concept. There is a house on fire. Let's set
the house next door on fire, too. That'll fix it. Please explain that to
me. To counter our constitutional crisis we must vote the bums out.
Just to see the Supreme Court overrule it. Thanks, Eric!
In podcast stupidity last week steroid tattooed freak Joe Rogan said
radical liberals were burning down churches, the insane Rosanne Barr
said the Catholic church was the source of all child sex trafficking in
the United States, and Katie Miller (Nosferatu Stephen Miller's wife)
premiered her show with a scintillating interview with Smokey Eye Shady
Vance. We found out that Vance prefers peanut M&Ms over the plain
because he enjoys nuts in his mouth. "Nobody 2" is coming to a theater
near you and the early reviews are in! It's a wonderful 89 minutes of
Bob Odenkirk beating the living shit out of people. Not only has Joan
Crawford risen from the grave but so has Sharon Stone. This could be her
greatest performance since "Catwoman" or "Action Jackson."
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room, the count
~ Bauhaus ~
No comments:
Post a Comment