"This is something that nobody else can do. We're going to get drug prices down. Not 30 or 40 percent, which would be great, not 50 or 60, no. We're gonna get them down 1000 percent. 600 percent. 500 percent. 1500 percent." - Donnie F Trump 7-22-25.
"We're the only nation in the world where most of our poor people are fat." - Fat white Republican Senator from Texas Phil Gramm 9- 6-81
Last Monday our sexy leader Titty Baby Trump posted an AI video of Barack Obama being thrown to the floor in the Oval Office then being handcuffed and marched to a prison cell. The ghost of Rush Limbaugh got a stiffy. It was revealed that the FBI and the Department of Justice had put 1000 agents to comb the Jeffrey Epstein information and remove every mention of the Rasputin Rapist Donnie Trump. Your tax dollars at work.
On Fox woman-beater and Republican Congressman James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer said that all of former president's Uncle Joe Biden's rules and decisions were "null and void because he didn't know what he was doing." The anointed one Moses Mike Johnson called for Congress to adjourn until the second week of September so they would not have to vote on Tangerine Tits releasing the Epstein investigation.
On Tuesday Big Daddy Vladdy Putin continued to go full Blue Oyster Cult bombing on Ukraine, and was seen on Russian state television laughing at Taco Trump's threats of doing something in two months. A pale white man with dyed blonde hair appeared on Megyn Kelly's televised podcast and said Russian secret agent and Director of National Intelligence Tulsi "Makeup" Gabbard was a "rock star." Rapey McFraud posted on Trump Social that if the Washington football team did not change their name back to the Redskins he would not let them build a new stadium. The increasingly strident press secretary Karoline "Love It Or" Leavitt banished the Wall Street Journal from traveling with the adjudicated rapist to Scotland because they pissed off the man with the mushroom winkie.
On Wednesday the world's most 1) beautiful and 2) stupid attorney Alina "Guchi Purse" Habba was shit canned as the United States attorney for New Jersey. Within 2 hours her successor was fired by the loveless Pammy Jo Bondi.
The Daily Mail reported that professional sex teacher and pimp Ghislaine Maxwell is receiving death threats in prison because good Christians think she might rat out Vienna Sausage Fingers Trump. The Wall Street Journal continued its series of articles on the man who lusts for his daughter by reporting that he was notified in May by Pammy Jo and One Eyed Kash Patel that his name was all over the Epstein report. Elephant ankles says that's "fake news." Did you know Pammy is 60 years old? That's why she is morphing into Joan Rivers. Cruella DeVille Hindu surfer Tulsi Gabbard gave a 15 minute speech accusing Barack Hussain Obama of treason, along with Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and Fran Drescher. Tulsi thinks a firing squad on a pay per view would be appropriate and there are those who would buy it.
Also the sister of the innocent woman killed by the monster who shot four people because one of them turned him down for a date told him to his face in court "You got A 's and B's in college. Where you are going now you'll get a lot of big D's." On Comedy Central the funniest ever episode of "South Park" was aired and Groper Cleveland was incensed.
A lengthy video of the bastard Jeffrey Epstein was released that showed him pleading the fifth amendment over 20 times when asked about himself and Captain Hairtransplant viciously raping teen age women. Secretary of Education Linda "My Husband is a Rapist, Too" McMahon announced that Colombia University was paying Trump 221 million dollars in another legal extortion case, and that their arm twisting tour was only beginning. Protests? Never again! God bless and keep Bennie "Fuck You " Netanyahu. And between meals and naps Your Favorite President Love God Trump met with the president of the Philippines Bong Bong Marcos. That is his real name. I am jealous.
The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is changing its opera stage's name to the Melania Trump Auditorium. As part of its renovation a stripper pole is being added. Ghislaine Maxwell met for 2 days with the pussy grabber's private attorney and number 2 at the DOJ Todd Blanche. If she wants an early commutation of her 20 year prison sentence she must say that Donnie had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein and all of the underage sex was performed by the now comatose Bill Clinton.
"Meet The Press" returned today because there was no overseas golf to show. Kristen Welker was smartly dressed in red and white and her first guests were Democrat Ro Khanna and Republican Tom Massie. Massie spends a lot of money on hair care, and Khanna is a fake liberal. Khanna has over 25 thousand dollars invested in Peter Thiel's Palantir corporation. That's the company that has all of your private information so they can track and monitor your every move. Elon Musk and DOGE sold it to them. Thanks Whistledick! These two smiling boxes of Apple Jacks wasted 10 minutes of TV time saying that they would get to the bottom of this Trump pedophile scandal. Ro said we cannot ignore the victims, and Massie said "Politics is the art of the doable." I can't remember the last time I was doable.
Next was the spineless Speaker of the House Moses Mike Johnson. This ordained Man of God is the Devil's left hand, because his right hand is busy. If Moses Mike were any more slippery he would be covered in Miracle Whip. Mike is the most earnest liar since Spiro Agnew. Every accusation against the Mango Mussolini is a lie. The Big Beautiful Bill doesn't cut Medicaid and he still monitors his son's porn viewing on the Covenant Eyes app. Look it up. We must get the able bodied deadbeats off government assistance and have some morals! "I am Moses!"
Then to wrap up this power packed hour of excitement was the ever popular Republican Senator Lindsay Graham. If you had his hair you would be a fire hazard. When he was not stuttering like Porky Pig he was saying that Hillary Clinton slept with Russians. Of course it was easier to understand what Lindsay was saying once he got Trump's balls out of his mouth. He shook his head, laughed, and yelled at Kristen. He told Hamas to release all of their hostages so that we could then drop a nuclear bomb on the Gaza Strip and then build Trump casinos and nudie bars. He said Trump was "widely popular." So is Jelly Roll. Great.
Nancy Mace has shaved her head like Demi "Porcelain Face" Moore in "GI Jane."
As I compose this, Donnie is golfing in Scotland and it's costing us 10 million dollars, and the highly anticipated return of Jessica Simpson occurred last Wednesday on the Today show. Like any out of it washed up turd she's now singing old white man country music. She wore a cross like every good Republican, a low cut dress with a push up bra, and blew a kiss at the camera at the end of every song. She sang 3 songs. They were all heartfelt and important.
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