"If you want to learn something on this show tonight, buy Tesla. It's unbelievable that this guy's stock is this cheap. It'll never be this cheap again. I mean who wouldn't invest in Elon Musk? Are you kidding me?" - Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick 3-19-25.
I'm not a lawyer, but in my retirement I've watched 9 seasons of " Perry Mason" and Lutnick has 300 million in Tesla shares. Him telling the public to buy their stock is a felony.
Sunday while the southern United States was ravaged by storms and tornadoes much more important things were going on. Human lives be damned, the sexy beast Donnie "Physical Marvel " Trump was winning his annual golf tournament at Mar-A-Lago. He cheats on his taxes, he cheats banks, he has cheated on every wife ( including the Ice Queen Melania), and he's notorious for cheating at golf. A role model for us all.
Donnie Trump flew 200 Valenzuelan " gang members" to a death camp in El Salvador against a court order ruling it illegal. Press Secretary and arrogant dipstick Karoline Leavitt said it didn't apply because the planes were over international waters when it was issued. That turned out to be a lie, but it doesn't matter to Donnie. The Puffed Cheeto revoked all of Uncle Joe Biden's pardons by saying they were signed with an autopen. The Democratic Party issued a great talking point saying "Medicaid isn't just for black people in the ghetto." Homeland Security Director and adulterer Kristi Noem told Magaret Brennan on " Face the Nation " that " This is Donald Trump's country." Monday at the Kennedy Arts Center new director Donnie kicked out the NBC reporter and camera crew by saying they were " discredited." Yes, international talent Lee Greenwood is going to perform there. Podcast pundit Jennifer Welch announced that she was ready for the rapture so we'd be rid of the homophobic racist idiots. Border Czar Tom Homan told a laughing Fox host that he would keep deporting people to foreign death camps and no one could stop him. Don't worry about bringing sunscreen pal because you'll never see the light of day. Homan and Trump have decided they are Judge Dredd. "I am the law!"
Chief Supreme Court Justice John Roberts issued a statement saying judges cannot be threatened with impeachment because they rule against the President. Trump told Fascist Barbie Laura Ingraham that the justice didn't mention him by name so poo poo.
Also Tuesday Trump announced Russia had agreed to stop bombing the infrastructure and energy suppliers in Ukraine, and then just 45 minutes later bombed both. But the US and the Kremlin agreed to play some hockey games. Gosh. The Arlington National Cemetery erased the names of all black, Hispanic, Asian, and women's veterans names. Only whites now! The military archive also deleted the references to Jackie Robinson's time in the Army. The United States Institute for Peace is not an arm of the federal government, but they were still invaded by Big Balls and the DOGE teen titans and all employees were forced to leave the building. DOGE stands for Destroying Our Government Entirely. Trump declared that Shady Vance is the most popular Vice President in American history. Also Tuesday Trumpty Dumpty illegally fired the two Democratic board members of the Federal Trade Commission.
On Wednesday courts ruled that the transgender military ban was illegal and that funds must be reinstated to USAID and the EPA. This led Karoline Leavitt to state that " radical left wing" judges were undermining the will of Trump, the American people, and Leon Elon Musk. By the way, did you know Karoline married her 60 year old millionaire husband 6 months after she had her baby? Interesting. Thursday 80 thousand pages of JFK assassination records were released and guess what? Lee Harvey Oswald did it. Still no word from Blonde Justice AG Pammy Bondi when the complete Jeffrey Epstein files would be released. Mainly because Trump's 20 year association with Epstein would be messy to explain and the 80 year old attorney Alan Dershowitz getting hand jobs from 17 year old girls would be more than we could stomach.Did you know the darling of the far left Noam Chomsky was a financial advisor to Epstein? MAGA podcaster and influencer Anna R Matson said people who vandalize Teslas are more deadly than the January 6th criminals and that we were all in danger. Trump said they too could be sent to death camps and Fox talking head Harris Faulkner said the death penalty was not out of question if children or dogs were in the cars.
When the American astronauts returned after 9 months in space they landed in the " Gulf of America." So said Jake Tapper on CNN. We can no longer take Jake seriously. Also Thursday Trump signed an Executive Order abolishing the Department of Education in a photo opportunity surrounded by children at school desks. Tiny Fingers said "Everybody knows it's right." This order means nothing. Only Congress can abolish a government department. His next Executive Order will declare he weighs 220 pounds and has a ten inch kielbasa in his pants. California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom said "There's a crisis of masculinity in this country." He should know as he was married to the Ambassador to Greece and inflatable doll Kimberly Guilfoyle. Haven't seen her lately. In a ruling against the White House shipping migrants to El Salvador federal judge Boasberg said the Department of Justice lawyers showed no respect, had no answers, were unprepared, and dripped contempt. Hey! It's their job!
Also Friday Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez drew 50 thousand at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, Arizona as part of their Kiss My Grits tour of America. And the crowd wasn't paid by George Soros to attend. Another federal judge ruled that Musk and DOGE had no legal right to access citizens' Social Security records. The White House responded by saying that if that ruling stands they would have no choice but to shut down the entire program. Shit.
And Trump and the lush Pete Hegseth introduced a new Boeing "ultra lethal" jet plane called the F - 47. How humble. Musk had a 90 minute meeting with the top officials at the Pentagon over China. The fact that Musk's largest Tesla plant is in China means nothing of course. And the legal firm of Paul Weiss folded like a pup tent and agreed to provide 40 million dollars worth of legal aid to the White House to avoid investigation by the DOJ. It seems they have represented litigants against the government before. So much for their proud 150 year tradition of supporting the little man. And in order not to lose 40 million in grants Colombia University agreed to investigate anti semitism and end all DEI programs. They are all going under the thunder of Donnie Trump.
All of this brings us to today's "Meet the Press." First was Charles in charge Chuck Schumer. He has a book out but he's canceled the promotional tour due to " security concerns." Basically he's a chickenshit who doesn't want to face the public after he voted for the Republican budget. Are we in a constitutional crisis? Chuckles says yes, I say no. We are in a dictatorship. Schumer says we must fight back against Trump. How does he intend to do that? He's going to give some speeches. The people will rise up! How fucking lame. Some people have suggested Schumer should resign as Minority Leader. He said " What? And give up show biz?" He said he voted for the budget out of principle so as the government wouldn't shut down. There would be the prospect Trump and his gang might never open it back up. Then we'd be screwed. Chuckles said just wait 2 years until the next elections. Then Kristen Welker ran the ridiculous video clip of him jumping up and down yelling "We will win!" And Jelly Roll is the greatest musical performer of the last 50 years.
Next was Republican Senator from Utah John Curtis. He has a creepy smile and he told Kristen it was fabulous to see her. Likewise I'm sure. We are not in a constitutional crisis. We are just getting a civics lesson! Tension between the different branches is normal and healthy. Bobby Ferrin says don't worry be happy. Trump really shouldn't bad mouth judges. Don't poke the bear! Musk is not cutting jobs, he's just making suggestions to Trump. Musk calls Social Security a ponzi scheme but then can't explain how a ponzi scheme works. Rest easy though. Super genius Wile E Coyote Curtis has a secret plan to save it. But he can't tell you what it is right now. Remember Richard Nixon's plan to end the Vietnam War in 1968. He said you'd have to elect him to find out what it was. And if I wasn't wearing my good clothes I'd kick your ass. Curtis was more than willing to kiss Trump's ass, but no tongues please. When asked about tariffs he had no answer. But everybody in Utah is concerned about the border. More dangerous: Wyoming or Montana? But he did say a third term for Trump is not on his dance card. We will see.
I watch hockey so you don't have to. And for the last 3 weeks the St Louis Blues have been hotter than Matt Gaetz's Venmo account. And in entertainment news this week's "Masked Singer" episode is the long awaited sex toy night. See nude model Jenny McCarthy go apeshit upon finding out who is disguised as a vibrating butt plug.
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