"What does the Wall Street Journal know? They've been wrong about everything. And so have you by the way." - Donald "Mr Know It All" Trump on tariffs to John Micklethwait, Editor-in-chief of Bloomberg
On Tuesday it was revealed that the new head of the National Rifle Association Doug Hamlin had cut off the paws of a cat and sat it on fire. That night after two people in the audience passed out to heat exhaustion Donnie Trump answered 5 questions at an open hall rally. He then said he was tired of that and told his assistants to play music.
For the next 39 minutes the Orange Cupcake weaved back and forth to the strains of "Ava Maria," "American Trilogy," " It's a Man's World," and "YMCA." Think of Gene Gene the Dancing Machine on the immortal "Gong Show." Dog killer and South Dakota governor Kristie Noem tried to look interested while virtually baby sitting the cognitively worthless Supreme Godhead.
On Wednesday a superior judge in Georgia ruled that the Republican Legislature had broken the law by saying that all ballots had to be hand counted and that county executives could overrule the results if they suspected hanky pinky. Also Kamala Harris dove into the lion's den and underwent a hostile interview on Fox "News." The corrupt Brett Baeir switched tapes to make it appear that Trump had not advocated using the military against private citizens who oppose him. Kamala called him out on it, and Brett publicly admitted to it on air the next day. Baier has now officially derailed his shot at being the new Walter Kronkite. But if he eats his vegetables and makes his bed every day for a year he might get to be Brian Williams.
"The Price Is Right" was interrupted on Thursday for CBS to announce that the Israeli Defense Force had killed the leader of Hamas, Yahya Sinwar. On Friday sex symbol and certified fascist nutjob Marjorie Traitor Greene appeared on the Alex Jones podcast and told the world the Dominion voting machines were already switching early votes for Trump to Harris. Of course she had no evidence, and remember Alex himself is still in prison for another 2 months for announcing for two years the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax. Birds of a feather and tools for Trump. And to end our week Donald Trump held a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania before a sparse crowd at the Arnold Palmer Airport. At the birthplace city of Rolling Rock beer Trump regaled those in attendance with a 10 minute story on the size of Palmer's penis. According to the Republican nominee for president the late golf champion had a winkie that was no Twinkie. "I'll take Well Endowed Athletes for 200, Alex."
This morning brought us another thrilling installment of "Meet The Press," and lookie lookie it's our old pal Cookie! With this assignment I see Lindsey Graham more than I see my own friends and family. The arguing hot head from South Carolina yelled at Kristen Welker for 10 minutes. Among his declarations were that Afghan nationals will attack us on election day (?), Trump has survived 2 assassination attempts that were triggered by Democratic rhetoric (even though both gunmen were Republicans), and that Harris approved immigrants have raped and murdered American women in their own backyards. He went on to yell that Trump will win the election because the last 4 years have been a living hell and the Democratic Party has no policies except death and destruction. He then smiled and at no point did his lubricated hair move. It's always good to see the Georgia Gasbag.
Next on our scorecard was the Democratic Governor from Pennsylvania Josh Shapiro. For the next 10 minutes he did the tried and true Sgt Schultz from "Hogan's Heroes". "I see nothing! I know nothing!" Why do people believe Trump's tales of lollipops and rainbows? Because injections of bleach to cure covid was the right idea all along! And that it's okay for Elon "Leon" Musk to give out a million dollars a day to the lucky " Vote for Trump" winners. Bribery is okay in the 2024 USA.Unlike Lindsey, Shapiro doesn't raise his voice, he takes his dishes back to the kitchen, and thanks you for the delicious meal. Doctors have proven that naps add years to your life!
In entertainment news the Golden Bachelorette has narrowed the field to the final four. This week begins the much anticipated Arnold Palmer kielbasa competition.
I want to be the wandering sailorWe're silhouettes by the light of the moonI sit playing solitaire by the windowJust waiting seasons change, ah, ahYou'll see, one day, these dreams will pull you through my doorAnd I'll come running to tie your shoeAnd I'll come running to tie your shoe.
~Brian Eno~
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