It's Sunday with Dan | 2024 March 17

As she recoiled in horror, Laken Riley's mother got a big old kiss from Diaper Donnie Trump Monday for a gratuitous photo. 

On Tuesday the House Judiciary Committee grilled Republican Robert Hur. Led by the telegenic Jim "Subpoenas Don't Apply To Me" Jordan, Hur was attacked by both the right and left in a rare bipartisan effort. The prosecutor was poo pooed by the MAGA crowd for not indicting Motorhead Joe Biden for having classified documents in his garage. The Democrats read the actual transcripts of the 5 hour interview and, lo and behold, Joe did remember the date his son Beau died. Hur even stated in the transcript that Joe had a "photographic memory." Well, that blew the old and in the way argument.The hearing's main purpose was for congressmen from both sides to puff up their chests and express outrage. Jordan, in an act of pompous buffoonery, screamed that Biden suffers from a rampant amount of "pride and ego!" Unlike the model citizen Donnie Trump. 

America's Creepy Neighbor Katie Britt sent out campaign fundraising emails this week claiming that after her disastrous State of the Onion response she had been unfairly attacked by the leftist communist media machine. She claimed they were attacking her integrity, her religion, her children, and her affinity for watching "Hot Bench" daily. But she then told the Podcast King Ted Cruz that it was way cool Junior that Scarlett Johansen imitated her on SNL. 

Colorado Republican Congressman Ken Buck announced this week that he was quitting his job next week. He didn't even tell Moses Mike Johnson in advance. Buck said that his colleagues were wasting his time and that this year was his least enjoyable year out of his 9 previous in congress. Here's this week's lamest joke: The Buck stops here! 

On Wednesday election denier and strategist for the Trump fake electors scheme Christina Bobb was appointed to run the RNC's new election integrity bureau. Their motto is "Tails I win, heads you lose."

Congress voted this week to ban Tik Tok unless it was sold to a non Chinese organization. Donnie Trump was visited this week by billionaire Jeff Yass. Yass has a 15 percent stake in Tik Tok. So after accepting the briefcase Trump declared he loved Tik Tok, and that we should kill Facebook because Mark Zuckerberg is a " mean and nasty " person. 

RNC co-chairman Lara Trump cleaned house and fired over 60 disloyal staffers and effectively ended all MAGA efforts to court minority voters. From now on it will strictly cater to pissed off white men. The Quicklime Girl plies her trade, reduction of the many from the one. 

Friday it was ruled that Fanni Willis would not have to leave the now 85 count case against the incontinent one, but her boyfriend Nathan Wade would have to go pound sand. Wade quickly agreed and began singing "Viva Las Vegas." 

And after Tuesday's primaries both Biden and Trump sewed up their presidential nominations. It's the rematch that nobody wants to see just like a 4 and a half hour Red Sox/Yankees game. 

"Meet The Press" was another showcase for old white senators to opine about the events of the day. First was Louisiana Republican Bill Cassidy. He is an endangered species as he doesn't overtly kiss the ass of Trump. When Trump said Saturday night that if he is not reelected the nation will explode in a bloodbath, some indicated this was another threat of violence. Cassidy said in his dictionary bloodbath means financial collapse. That's rich. When Trump says immigrants are not people Cassidy said it's a poor choice of words. What about releasing all of the January 6th criminals? Not a good idea. Kristen Welker asked him 4 times if he would endorse Trump. On the final time he told her she "was beating a dead horse." All he would commit to was voting for a Republican. He then tried to explain his convoluted plan to fund Social Security. It was a combination dinner of private trusts and stock market investments given with a just leave it all to me braggadocio. He left me in the dust. 

He's leaning towards voting to ban Tik Tok because it is infected with Chinese communists. NBC continues to show a film clip of a man who says he'd be ruined by a ban because his videos of him cutting his son's hair are crucial to the nation. Again, over my head. 

Next on the dance card was Maryland Democratic Senator Ben Cardin, heir to the vast Cardin's Insurance Salvage and Carpets. Did he agree with Chuck Schumer and his granny glasses saying that Bennie aka Bibi Netanyahu was an obstacle to peace in the Middle East? He answered kinda sorta maybe. He thinks Israel invading Rafah is a bad idea. But you don't tug on Superman's cape and you don't fuck with Bennie. He's unhappy with the war. Okay. 

We need to get aid asap to Ukraine because Russia won't stop there. Think of the domino theory of 1963 Vietnam. Everything old is new again. 

When asked about Senator Bob "Goldfinger" Melendez running for reelection as an independent Cardin answered that if he's got gold bars in his closet he can do what he damn well pleases. Should there be age limits for politicians? The 80 year old said no, and don't ask him again. 

Putting a lid on the show was another poignant segment of "Who Cares?" Meet Chef Jose Andres, CEO of the World Central Kitchen. They provide food to needy civilians in Ukraine and Palestine. We need a cease fire. We need all hostages to be released. Everybody is keen on food. Food is fun for all ages. Well as long Chef Jose is around the hungry will be fed with the life giving sustenance of Spam, Mountain Dew, and Mickey's Banana Flips. Thank you for your service! 

Robert F. Kennedy announced last week he was looking at New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers and professional wrestler Jesse Ventura as possible running mates. Never forget the timeless words of Ross Perot's running mate Admiral William Stockdale who said " Who am I and why am I here?" 

Coming Tuesday is a conference held by Marjorie Traitor Greene promising to expose the dark business of harvesting children's organs for fun and profit. What made the announcement even more creepy was the accompanying photo of Marjorie dressed up and smiling ear to ear like she was running for Queen at the annual Buttermilk Days festival. All night news in the USA.

 

They keep you nice and quiet
Even control your diet
You're hungry, you get fed
Teach you to be meek
Till all you are is weak
Till you're just a talking head  

~Motörhead~