It's Sunday with Dan | 2023 September 24

New Jersey Democratic Senator Bob Menendez has been charged with accepting $500,000 in bribes from individuals to curry favor for pro-Egyptian interests. The money was found in various envelopes in jacket pockets in his closet. He also received an imported automobile and actual bars of gold. The kind that were the target of the attempted robbery of Fort Knox by Auric Goldfinger's Operation Grand Slam.

Attorney General Merrick Garland was mercilessly grilled by Wisconsin Republican Representative Tom Tiffany on Capitol Hill this week. Tiffany was incensed and outraged that Garland did not step in and stop the World Naked Bike Ride on June 17 after both local and state officials declined to intervene. 

After Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer relaxed the dress codes, Pennsylvania Democratic Senator John Fetterman wore a casual shirt and shorts to greet Ukraine's Vladimir Zelenskyy to Washington DC. This sparked outrage on Fox "News" who ran a bottom of the screen trailer that declared "This Begs Big Question About America's Steep Decline." 

As House Republicans led by the 41 year old teenage playboy Matt Gaetz and the Freedom Caucus rejected the previously agreed continuing resolution to fund the federal government, it led the spineless House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy to whine about his attempts to basically herd cats. The new unofficial theme song for this Congress is the Legendary Stardust Cowboy 1968 classic "Paralyzed." 

In a presidential campaign that is fading faster than a 20 dollar pair of Wal-Mart blue jeans, Republican Senator Tim Scott reached out to the crucial pissed off old white man vote and declared that Covid no longer exists and that any union auto worker that goes on strike should immediately be fired. Now we would have jobs for the immigrants coming over the border, and we could pay them $7.25 an hour. 

First bull out of the chute on this week's "Meet The Press" was former New Jersey Governor and current Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie, who frontrunner Donnie Trump affectionately calls "the fat slob." While Trump insulted moderator Kristen Welker continuously last week, Christie praised her intelligence. He listed all of Trump's failures and broken promises. He only endorsed Trump in 2016 because of his unchanged loathing of Hillary Clinton. He said Trump's continued denial of losing the 2020 election has made him change his opinion of the Mango Mussolini. He does respect the charges brought against Bob Menendez, but dodged the question of the alleged two tiered application of justice in America. He did say he would not run for the senate seat should it become vacant, which brings a sigh of relief to many. 

Batting second was South Carolina Democratic Representative James Clyburn. It should be noted that Clyburn is the co-chair of Uncle Joe Biden's reelection campaign, so it was time to refill the libation because you knew the answers before the questions. Polls show 74 percent of Democrats want someone else to run besides Biden, but Clyburn says nay nay. He also said the polls showing VP Kamala Harris to be even less popular than Biden to be false. He gushed about her personality, ability, and charisma. Okay. When asked if children should exploit their family name not unlike Hunter Biden he brought out the fact that he had a pair of daughters, too. He wants them to carry on the proud Clyburn name. Larry Flynt also has two daughters. 

Last on the scorecard, but number one in your heart, was Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. When asked about a possible government shutdown he stated the obvious that no one wants to go to work and not get paid. On the automotive workers strike he likened the always dreamt of but rarely achieved win-win. He recited Biden's tagline that record profits should lead to record wages. Bet the under on that. When asked about the union's demand for 4 days work for 5 days pay he deferred to the always reliable "not my beeswax" response. When asked about the switch to electric vehicles and that it takes fewer workers to assemble them he countered with a vague "booming economy, plentiful jobs" answer that did not really make sense. Then out of the blue Kristen asked him about the surge of immigrants at the border and he responded with a "What do I know? I'm the Transportation Secretary for God's sake!"

In the personal health and hygiene news this week former Trump aide Cassidy Hutchinson revealed that the former president quit wearing his covid mask when he found out it smeared the bronzer he wears on his face. L'Oreal Paris, of course, because he's worth it. 

And in the most annoying television show campaign in recent history it has become apparent that the 72 year old "Golden Batchelor" Gerry Turner bears a remarkable facial resemblance to tv icon Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Just ask the boy from Tupelo. He's the king and he ought to know.