"Well, I'm going to do it whether the women like it or not." Donald J Trump, the nation's protector of females during another fascist rally at Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Last week began with a full scale hate festival at Madison Square Garden. The Garden holds 20 thousand, but the campaign announced it at 100 thousand. I have 60 grand in the bank, but in Trumpian terms that's half a million. The show began with America's hottest rib tickler Tony Hinchcliffe. He wowed the whites only crowd with his dazzling display of MAGA vetted bon mots like "There's a floating island of garbage in the ocean. I believe it's called Puerto Rico, "Those Latinos like to have babies. They don't pull out. They come inside, just like they have our country," and the topper "Me and my black friend spent last night carving watermelons."
But the John Birch Society gala continued with an all star lineup: Byron McDaniels, Elise"The Little Ball of Hate" Stefanik, Moses Mike Johnson, Marjorie Traitor Greene, Vivek Ramaswamy, Tulsa "Skunk" Gabbard, RFK Jr, Tucker Carlson, Hulk Hogan, Dr. "Unlicensed" Phil, and Sir Rosis himself Rudy "America's Lush" Giuliani. The assembled cheered with each racist and misogynistic insult. The sweaty makeup idol Donnie said it was a love fest. I'm glad I missed Woodstock 2024. And the newspapers and the networks tell us the race is still tied. This means I want to limit my appearances in public to only medical appointments and runs for Sunkist 2 liters.
As the week went on heartthrob JD Vance told pod caster and cue ball Joe Rogan that women celebrate their abortions, Uncle Joe Biden called Trump supporters garbage ("I didn't mean it"), Moses Mike said Obamacare is going to be voted out because it's stifling the insurance business, and Trump said that if he is not elected World War 2 or 3 will break out.
As the villagers began to light their torches and load their God given guns, NBC celebrated the first day of Standard Time with "Meet The Press." Kristen Welker wears the same purple suit jacket every week just to make sure that color gets exposure on national television. We began this week with Senator Raphael Warnock. The Democrat from Georgia is a very well spoken fellow which is what he did for the next 12 minutes. To sum it up Kamala Harris focuses on the people of our nation while the toast of McDonald's sings opera at every rally. " Me me me me me!" Warnock said that as a man of God he la la la la la la. He named Trump's enemies list twice, but he didn't say if you were on it.
Up next was the Governor of North Dakota, Republican Doug Burgum. As I've mentioned before his eye brows and hair are to die for. As the governor of a state that is the home of 4,623 people he has a unique insight into the heartbeat of America. I've yet to ascertain what that is, but it doesn't stop him from appearing on Sunday morning talk shows. He did lie like his swami Trump and said crime was out of control, inflation at 2 percent was unacceptable, and that an unemployment rate of 4 percent was unconscionable. If you weren't aware, you are living in Hell but you can change that with a vote for Soggy Bottom on Tuesday. In the spirit of "We Are the World" no one yelled at Kristen, so the absence of Lindsey Graham was sorely felt.
In entertainment news last week the guy with the long greasy hair on "Fire Country" didn't get laid last episode, and one of the guys on the "Golden Bachelorette" just gave up and left. This left the star Joan Vassos to opine in front of the camera that, although she didn't like him, she did wonder if she would be left to a life of loneliness. I'll ponder that until Election day. Be aware that you should be on riot alert come Wednesday. If you go to Walmart you better look out for the Proud Boys. You heard it from me.