"What's a corner store? Who wrote that?" - Donald F Trump 4-16-26
"The only card I need is the ace of spades." - Lemmy Kilmister
On Tuesday Smokey Eye Shady Vance, and Jared "Sonny
Drysdale " Kushner stepped on their cranks with their negotiations with
Iran and Melania Trump had sex with the bellhop at Trump Tower. Loveless
Pammy Jo Bondi didn't show up for her hearing at Congress and dyed her
hair even blonder than The Bitch Laura Ingraham. Erika Kirk missed the
Turning Point USA rally in Georgia because she feared for her life, but
it was safe enough for Shady Vance.
On
Wednesday the Department of Revenge released 12 Proud Boys and Oath
Keepers who assaulted police officers during the Trump Riot because they
are white, ugly,and stupid. Now they can pay for sex outside of prison.
The scumbag Russell Voight told Congress as the Director of Management
and Budget he had no idea what our senseless war against Iran is
costing but he's not using Rogaine. The fraud Doctor Oz told Donnie
"Hair Oil" Junior on his televised podcast that the Orange Dictatortot
drinks Diet Coke because it cures cancer. And my dick is the size of a
Plymouth Superbird. The Federal Reserve released facts that our
inflation rate would be lower than it was before Covid but Sausage
Fingers' tariffs raised it 9 points. Tulsi "Hindu Surfer" Gabbard put on
more makeup and accused Democrats to the Department of Revenge for
crimes against Diaper Donnie during the 2020 election and Melania had
"sex" with the Secret Service agent assigned to special duty.
On
Thursday Moses Mike Johnson passed a resolution in the MAGA congress
renaming the Big Beautiful Bill to the Working Families Tax Cut. Okay.
What's in your wallet? Daisy Duck's twin sister Maria Bartiromo had a
heavily edited interview with Mushroom Winkie on Fox and she said he
sounded hoarse. Spanky said it was because he had been "yelling at
stupid people all morning." He then said the Pope, NATO, and Ott's
dressing were all useless and he adores Sydney Sweeney. Brittany Spears
checked into rehab and Kim Kardashian had another breast enhancement.
RFK Jr testified before Congress and reminded us that although measles
are up 436 percent he has a frozen opossum penis in his refrigerator. I
didn't make that up.
Viva Las Vegas! The
adjudicated rapist Donnie went there and addressed a crowd of 9 people
and talked about the advantages of dementia.
On
Friday Trump paid Iran 20 billion dollars and the Strait of Hormuz is
still not open. Only 24 percent of the planet's oil goes through there
so the next time you fuel up the Lamborghini you might need to pay for
it by selling your collection of Doctor Strange comic books. Trump cut
all funds to Catholic charities who assist immigrant children because
he's the reincarnation of Doctor Jesus. The head of ICE Todd Lyons
announced his retirement at the end of the month because he's terrified
of Steven "Nosferatu" Miller and his constant harassment. Don't forget
Miller's wife calls Stephen a "sexual matador."
On
Saturday we found out One Eyed Kash Patel is constantly drunk in the
bag and I'm fucking jealous. After the Butcher Bennie Netanyahu broke
the ceasefire with Lebanon. Combover Cankles Taco Tits called an
emergency meeting at the Situation Room of the White House. Minuscule Marco Rubio gave him a knob shine and then Orange Julius Caesar fell
asleep.
This morning it
was time for "Meet the Press." Our first chowderhead was UN Ambassador
Mike Waltz. His friends call him "Dumbass." 135 countries love Donnie
Trump. 246 think we blow chimpanzees, but who cares? Iran has moved the
goalposts and the dice are loaded. Mike wore an American flag lapel so
you know he's a man strapping lumberjack. My favorite quote was
"Escalante to deescalate." That was followed by "Co mingled." Is that
sex in Mississippi? My Mammy is my Pappy.
Next
was the Zionist, Marxist, Communist, White Sox fan Zohran Mamdomi. He
has a killer beard. He is friendly with the pedophile rapist Donnie.
Kristen Welker asked him if he would
endorse
Kamala Harris for president and he answered with Alexandria
Ocasio-Cortez is too cool for school. We should bring on the Democratic Socialism and buy a round for the bar.
They called him a vagabond
A playboy of the western world
He met a fine young country girl
~ Thin Lizzy ~