"I always like to hang around with losers because it makes me feel better." - Donald F Trump
"Scrubbing floors she's close to the earth" - Gang of Four
On Easter Sunday Orange Julius Ceasar played golf and Screaming Steven A Smith and Don "Squeeze My" Lemon both announced they are running for president. And I'm wealthy and good looking.
On Monday in full makeup the world's smallest penis said " Sandy wet sand" "The leaker leaked" and "To the victim go the spoils." He then said we should arrest reporters and Iranians have told him to please keep bombing. Big Daddy Vladdy Putin told the Pedophile President that NATO is a paper tiger and Melania enjoys money.
On Tuesday it was revealed that Donnie Shitzinpants boast that TSA workers would be paid in full was a lie. Satan's older sister Megyn "Hair extensions" Kelly said she would vote MAGA even if Trump dropped a nuclear bomb because Democrats want illegal immigrants to vote and rape. Okay. At 5:45 CDST the convicted rapist Donnie called off the destruction of Iran and said give him two weeks. Give me a cheeseburger today. Smokey Eye Shady Vance, the babe magnet, was campaigning in Hungary for the dictator Victor Orban in his reelection bid. While Shady was there he made love to our favorite martyr Erica Kirk with his left hand and a bottle of Corn Husker's Lotion.
On Wednesday the Secretary of War Crimes Petey Kegsbreath drank a fifth of Old Crow and yelled at female reporters and said the United States had totally destroyed Iran. Petey needs a tattoo on his winkie that says "Are you in the bag?" The chairman of NATO came to the White House and got yelled at by Rapey McFraud for 86 minutes. Official turd Todd Blanche from my state of Missouri told the nation that as Attorney General he will pursue enemies of Melania's fat snorer and f you. Israel is still firing missiles to Lebanon so the cease fire is as lame as Michael Avanatti's dick. Look him up. Sausage Fingers said that Cuba would be our next conquest and Daffy Duck is still America's greatest actor. I know music and she knows music.
On Thursday Billy Idol announced his tour of America for this summer and prostitutes cheered. Is it 100 dollars for a knob shine? Do you take a Discover card? It was also National Grilled Cheese Day. I'll take mine on Wonder Bread with Monterey Jack. And a Stag. The Republicans dismissed Congress before there could be a vote to no longer fund the Epstein war and we found out Cankles Caligula is getting free steel to build his Big Beautiful Ballroom from Belgium. Out of the Van Allen Belt at 1 pm CSDT Third Wife First Whore Melania Trump told America and the world that she never knew Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell and all the photos of them together were totally fake. "Be best." After 30 years her English has become worse. A lawyer wrote her scripted speech but she has great hair. The military draft is back if you are white and under the age of 25. Sorry pal. Darling of Democrats Eric Swallwell was accused of rape by over a dozen women and the facts have credibility. Bounce his ass and his boner.
On Saturday Your Favorite President Donnie Trump attended a UFC show and waved for jack offs who were there. I love the Sweet Science of Boxing. UFC is bullshit. Today's "Meet the Press " was another showcase for the worst host since David "I'm Religious" Gregory. Our first man with great hair was the president of Cuba Miguel Diaz - Canel. Kristen Welker asked him are you willing to die for your country. Miguel asked her what do you think. Then Kristen Welker spoke Spanish. "Taco burrito Ceaser Romero." I was blown away. Kristen then told the president of Cuba "I ask very tough questions! " And I wear a skin tight costume and fight crime at night.
Then it was the slapdick Byron Daniels. He's the adjudicated rapist Donnie's favorite Negro. This smarmy know it all wasted 10 minutes of my life. Can you say "LA la la?" Me running. He's married? Who was that stupid? Cher? Finally it was Pramila Jayapal who is as whipsmart as Lou Reed and less angry. Kristen asked her should Kamala Harris run again for president and she answered with Pat Paulsen.
In sports news it's Masters Weekend in Augusta, Georgia and I didn't make the cut. Deion Sanders has a commercial for Depends.
And the Bachelorette has been canceled this year because the star is accused of beating her boyfriend.
And Eric Swallwell sends pictures of his dick to women. Good to know, Sparky.
I know music. She knows music. She's the teen queen Rosalie. - Thin Lizzy