"No American citizens have been arrested or detained, and anything you would hear or report that would be different than that is simply not true and false reporting."
Dog killer and adulterer Kristi Noem 10-30-25
"I don't believe in black magic. I don't believe in black cats." - Ted Nugent
Last Monday law professor and podcaster Jenn Taub said the true Donnie Trump agenda was not MAGA but MF. MF stands for Me First. Jimmy Kimmel called Trumpty Dumpty's underchin a "neck vagina." Mushroom Winkie gave another presser and blew off the teleprompter. He gave the usual claptrap that he won in an overwhelming mandate and he has turned our nation into the hottest in the world. The temperature or the economy? It's your call.
On Tuesday while Cankles was overseas on his Asian getaway the White House announced it was getting rid of ICE officials and replacing them with the more aggressive Border Patrol strongmen. Remember, aggression unchallenged is aggression unleashed. The new Himmler Gregory Bovino is now in charge in Chicago and likes tear gas on children in Halloween costumes. Watch the video. Donnie met the new right wing president of Japan and she told him "I'm not your type so please don't rape me." James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer released the House's 91 page report on Uncle Joe Biden's use of the autopen during his presidency. Comer filled it with unsubstantiated hearsay and innuendo and declared it to be "the biggest scandal in White House history." Don't forget Comer used to beat up his college girlfriend. Just look at him. You can tell.
On Wednesday Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell reduced interest rates by .25 percent. Inflation is right around the corner. Promises made, promises kept. Also on Wednesday Orange Jesus received a fake golden crown covered in phony jewels from South Korea. It was like a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Right wing crackpot Rich Greenfield is promoting the idea of the scheming Erica Kirk to be named the new head of MSNBC. Her husband Charlie's assassination has earned her the chance to make real money now. And watch the video of her getting handsy with Smokey Eye Shady Vance. Shady is like James Brown. He's on the scene like a sex machine. Trump sold out America to President Xi of China. He lowered their tariffs, they agreed to buy fewer soybeans than they used to, and Trump told reporters he gave himself a 12 out of 10 on his negotiations. Once again he reminds us he's the little king of everything. Self righteous bitch Riley "I'm Beautiful" Gaines appeared on Fox and challenged Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to a debate over trans gender people. Riley is a God fearing fashion model who has a well paying career as a hate machine. And she has a baby! Nosferatu Stephen Miller is scared for his life so he's moved to a military base. In his final days Adolf Hitler became paranoid, too. The paper called it suicide. A bullet from a 45. Nobody came, nobody cried.
Two federal judges ruled Friday that Brookie Rollins and the USDA must pay the SNAP benefits due to the American people who qualify. On a 51-49 vote the Senate voted to reject Trump's sweeping worldwide tariffs. On Fox blonde model Kayleigh MacElnaney said the story of the day was the resurgence of Hamburger Helper as the Soylent Green for the unwashed masses. Across the political spectrum opinion polls are showing hemorrhoids are more popular than Rapey McFraud. And the redoubtable Mary Trump called Trump's Asian tour " Dancing with the Czars."
Late Saturday night it was reported the United States is planning a military invasion of Nigeria.
How's your weekend?
Today's "Meet the Press " had one guest and it was soap opera good looking California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom. Kristen Welker's outfit was the Beatles "Baby's in black and I'm feeling blue." Here come the inane inquiries. Are the Democrats damaged goods? Gosh darn no! Trump is a moron and prices have not gone down. How about that special election Tuesday in California to allow redistricting? It's as huge as the repulsive Ron Jeremy. Trump says he's "entitled" to extra Republican seats in the Congress. Former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't like the idea, but don't forget the Terminator was slipping the pork to the horseface nanny while he was married to Maria Schriver. So much for his judgment. Does Gavin trust our Department of Justice? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Our only hope is for the lower courts to uphold our constitution against the Mango Mussolini's attacks. Yes, Donnie has ordered attack squads to be formed in every state.
Then, in our weekly edition of "Beating The Dead Horse," Kristen asked Gavin if he was going to run for president. We then heard Letters to Cleo sing "Here and Now." The future is not ours to see. Ask the Magic Eight Ball. Newsom says Uncle Joe is still cool. His timing getting out of the race was bad, but not as bad as "Me and the Chimp" He feels bad for Kamala Harris and every picture tells a story. He then made a Biblical reference to Isiah and I wasn't ready for that. Then it was time for the panel and we had the presence of the beautiful and knowledgeable Melanie Zanona . Melanie has the best hairstyle on television.
And in other news the federal government is still shut down, and Moses Mike Johnson continues to lie like Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To Beaver."
The hated Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series and the St Louis Blues smell like out of date saurerkraut.
RIP Jack Dejohnette.
"The Golden Batchelor" has tanked in the ratings, and Greg Gutfeld is still as funny as a turd in a goldfish bowl.
Behind the pantry, behind the tree, the ghouls adopt that child
Whose name resound forever, whose name resounds in terror
And I'm no fool to call that hog, 'cause, man, I remember
Those who did resign their souls to Transmaniacon MC
Whose name resound forever, whose name resounds in terror
And I'm no fool to call that hog, 'cause, man, I remember
Those who did resign their souls to Transmaniacon MC
~Blue Öyster Cult~