"She really liked me." - Donald F Trump on Glenn Beck's podcast about Dolly Parton 8-26-26
"You're alone and you've got the shakes. So am I baby and I've got what it takes!"
Iggy and the Stooges
Last Tuesday Diaper Donnie announced the trade war with Canada is on full scale, and Dolly Parton died. Trump bought a ton of Space X stock. Ken Burns was on MS Now and he has an American flag pillow. And a lame beard. Chicken and waffle Oreos were introduced and they are inedible. Agriculture Secretary Brookie Rollins won't say where the imported beef is coming from. But 30 million pounds of Argentinian beef were recalled because it wasn't safe to eat. The CIA Director flew to Russia for a top-secret meeting and was told to go pound sand. Our troops in Iran and blowing up boats in South America are breaking international law. The sailor who jumped ship on the USS Lincoln in a suicide attempt is now being charged with treason and going to prison.
On Wednesday the ultra right Supreme Court ruled that it was okay to make mail in ballots illegal because only the adjudicated rapist Donnie can vote that way. Rules for thee, not for me.
On Thursday Cankles Caligula went to Texas to campaign for the criminal Ken Paxton for Senate. But he won't give him any MAGA PAC money. An Air Force major criticized President Titty Baby and was arrested and led off in handcuffs at the Pentagon. You know, that's the place Petey Kegsbreath does his day drinking. The Supreme Court shocked no one and ruled the Trump appointed Postmaster General will now run federal elections in direct violation of the Constitution. What's new in Bug Tussle? Ultimate greaser Donnie Jr is now an executive at the prediction gambling company Kalshi, and he told the Republican state attorneys general to back off on regulating them. What a slimy thug. It was reported that CentCom commander Brad Cooper has had a total mental collapse over the failure of the Iranian War. He made a deranged video where he showed random footage of explosions. And I still believe in the Easter Bunny.
Our old pal Republican Governor of Florida Ron "Little Hitler" DeSantis, was found by a grand jury to have stolen 10 million dollars in Medicaid fraud settlement and put it in his PACs. Little Hitler continued to pick his nose and screamed "Balderdash!"
The Defend the Vote rally was held in Washington DC Friday. There were Al Sharpton, Bernie Sanders, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and the worthless Hakeem Jeffries. Hakeem has been cast to play the lead in the remake of the Kevin Bacon classic "The Hollow Man."
The mail in voting restrictions were overturned by another court, and the Mango Mussolini declared the Lake of Ontario will now be called the Lake of America. He also signed an executive order that his top aide 35-year-old Natalie Harp will add knob shines to her job duties because Melania quit performing them 23 years ago. Cue up The Replacements' "Gary's Got a Boner."
The fabulous Jaye P Morgan passed at the age of 84. Add Tim Curry and remember the rule of threes. Bela Lugosi is dead, but so is Mitch McConnell.
After yours truly had a fabulous mass sleeping session. I woke up in time for "Meet the Press." Why? The vapid Kristen Welker was wearing another pantsuit that made her look like a Popsicle. Our first chowderhead was the unfuckable Ted Cruz. Ted has written a book about Clarence Thomas. Wow. He said Texas Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico believes God is non binary and there are 6 genders. Talarico is a Marxist! Uncle Joe Biden sucked. Give the Iranian protesters guns and let the whole country turn into Dodge City. Don't give Chester a gun. The oil deal with Venezuela is fabulous and liberals are bigots. How many times can a shithook like Ted Cruz say the word "radicals" in 12 minutes? If you appeared on "Meet The Press " Kristen would ask you 3 times if you were going to run for president. Next was Congressman James Clyburn from South Carolina. I'm old. He's ancient. We need 13 Supreme Court justices and we must turn out the vote. Don't eat oatmeal every day. Thank you sir. Today the war in Iran went back to 10 on a 10 scale and Petey Kegsbreath masturbated furiously. And the Supreme Court ruled Trump's ballroom had the green light to go ahead. And we're paying for it. Fuck us running.
I watch MS Now most afternoons and they run 4 Bluechew commercials an hour. So that means their target audience can't get hard. Ain't science great?
I'm bitching and telling you the gospel truth.
Why don't you all go get screwed?
Why don't you tell me something new?
I'm bitching.
~The Stranglers~