"She's a bitch!" - Donald F Trump 5-8-26 to ABC News reporter Rachel Scott
"Too many people arguing about nothing at all" - Mott the Hoople
Last Monday Rudy Guiliani was hospitalized with a severe case of pneumonia. Doctors immediately ordered a fifth of Old Crow and a knob shine from a Peruvian hooker. It was also National Bird Day so yours truly stepped out on the balcony and flipped two for the world. Dementia Donnie held another press conference and said he had just passed his 45th cognitive exam. He is more intelligent than Lex Luthor. Woman beater James Comer said Pammy Jo Bondi would not testify on film and before Democrats because she's "special."
On Tuesday the MAGA party put a billion dollars for The Golden Ballroom into the budget bill. It appears they need extra seats for the plastic surgeons to make every woman look like Laura Sanchez Bezos. What rhymes with slut? Orange Jesus said we are not in a war, that he started, with Iran. It's a "skirmish." Miniature Marco Rubio held a press conference and no one gave a flip. Operation Epic Fury is over, and America's Favorite Rapist said the Pope is endangering people across the world. My duck wears boxers.
On Wednesday Project Freedom began and it ended one day later because Saudi Arabia told Jared "Sonny Drysdale" Kushner to have Intercourse with a Pontiac. Maniac John Fetterman is being seduced by the breathless senator Katie Britt to become a Republican and she tried to find his winkie beneath his oversized hoodie. Howard Nutlick went to the House Oversight Committee and refused to answer questions and James "Foghorn Leghorn" Comer said it was okey dokey. JD Vance told a crowd of 83 people in Ohio that all immigrants are scum, except for Porn Model Melania Trump. And now we know One Eyed Kash Patel has his own brand of whiskey that he bottles and brands and we fucking pay for it. Economic advisor Kevin Hassett told Daisy Duck Maria Bartiromo on Fox that the economy is great because credit card debt is at an all time high. They call me Mister Lucky. The Department of Homeland Security will no longer investigate beatings and rapes in immigrant prisons because those people deserve it. The murderer Kyle Rittenhouse was bitten by a brown recluse spider and immediately made a video of himself with his shirt off. Just my opinion, but I think he should wear a C cup bra. Can you say "yam tits?" Marco Rubio met the Pope because Smokey Eye Shady Vance was busy pounding his pud and the Department of Revenge released a fake suicide note from Jeffrey Epstein. The Palm Beach Airport was renamed after the Mango Mussolini and I wash my underwear twice just to be careful. Goldigger Sweet Karoline Leavitt popped her second child and it's great to know that when the kid turns 10 Daddy will be 73. Who really was the sperminator? Ron Jeremy? The man known as Rapey McFraud has lifted all sanctions on Russia to ease the flow of oil and fertilizer and to give Big Daddy Vladdy Putin more money to bomb Ukraine. The Supreme Court of Virginia voted 4 to 3 to overrule the public vote and make every fucking congressional seat MAGA. Thank you Jesus!
Today was the fabulous Mother's Day edition of "Meet The Press." First was Energy Secretary Chris Wright. Wow! He has hair like Race Bannon on "Jonny Quest." He told us Iran could have blown up the world had not the bold actions of the drunken rapist Petey Kegsbreath and Raisin Bran Caine told Donnie "Where's my penis?" Trump to "Kill Bill." He lied like me coming home late to my mother and Kristen "Worthless" Welker didn't fact-check his ass and didn't have a single follow-up question. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. But Chris did call it the Gulf of America! And oil is everywhere! Great. Pass the dutchie. Democratic Senator Cory Booker was next and it's great to see an articulate bought and paid for shill who pretends to be a liberal. He talks it but he doesn't walk it. Think of fashion model Gavin Newsom. He's so full of himself I'm surprised he can walk. Then we had governors Wes Moore and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I immediately grabbed another shot. Wes is a smiling bland dumbass, and Sarah wears a pork chop around her neck so the dog will play with her.
Golden Tempo will not run in the Preakness so once again we have no reason to watch horse racing.
While mourning the passing of founder Ted Turner TNT showed "Aquaman" for the 367th time and adult actress Brandi Love is out of the hospital.
The worst person in America isn't Nosferatu Stephen Miller but the dick with a mouth Joe Rogan. Uncle Fester on steroids with tattoos. What a maroon! Cash the check, pal.
Why do you build me up, Buttercup?
Just to let me down?
~ The Foundations ~